S11E16 - I Want to be Ninja

The galaxy is on the brink of collapse. As the Republic struggles to defend itself against warring Sith empires, pirate kings pillage undefended worlds across the stars.

Among those pirates are the crew of the Slippery Swallow, former barkeeps of Taris who fled their home to escape the war and seek a better life.

After impersonating the Count of Serenno in a high stakes card game, the Empire Wreckers now return to their brothel on the planet Sicemon to plan their next conquest....

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Hey everyone, thanks for listening to Star Wars Empire Wreckers, the Star Wars actual play podcast that's hitting its developmental milestones on schedule. Who's ready to sit unassisted today?

SPEAKER_11 0:13

Vanry Merrick Hall is ready to sit unassisted, and she is ready to walk at six months to prove that she's the biggest, strongest baby there is.

SPEAKER_10 0:22

Almond is surprised that he doesn't need a walker yet, but thank God for space technology.

SPEAKER_08 0:28

At Romyus' advanced age, he is actually going backwards towards those first developmental steps in reverse order, and would very much appreciate if someone would burp him.

SPEAKER_02 0:41

And Meyer is ready to watch her nephew roll over for the first time and then have its parents play it off like it's no big deal, actually, because they didn't see it.

SPEAKER_01 0:52

And if you're ready to say your first words, wow, you could have chosen ones, but you know, why don't you come along with us to a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away in Star Wars? The galaxy is on the brink of collapse. As the Republic struggles to defend itself against warring Sith Empires, pirate kings pillage undefended worlds across the stars. Among those pirates are the crew of the Slippery Swallow, former barkeeps of terrace who fled their home to escape the war and seek a better life. After impersonating the Count of Sereno in a high-stakes card game, the Empire Wreckers now return to their brothel on the planet Sismon to plan their next conquest.

SPEAKER_10 1:33

Oh yeah, how much money uh did we all get? Or wait, don't what what what's happening with that money again?

SPEAKER_01 1:39

Well, uh, so you have decided to abscond with the prize money, 80 million credits, and the half dozen vials of the force die virus, and return to uh Sisemon to reconvene with your crew who you had to uh split up with. And uh in that time, Maz has called a crew meeting at the brothel, and you can all uh sit at the various tables and chairs that are that are in the brothel's brunching area. And there are some people conspicuously missing.

SPEAKER_11 2:16

Oh, who's missing?

SPEAKER_01 2:18

Uh so missing from the crew meeting are uh your friends Zephyr and Agent Garza, as well as uh the Princess of Aquilee and her general uh I guess secret father. No Republicans allowed, got it.

SPEAKER_08 2:37

And Bane.

SPEAKER_11 2:39

Wait, Bane? Where's Bane?

SPEAKER_02 2:41

Pondering his orb.

SPEAKER_11 2:43

As per usual.

SPEAKER_08 2:44

We go check the orb station.

SPEAKER_11 2:46

Bane, we have a meeting.

SPEAKER_01 2:48

Mass says, Don't worry, don't worry, don't worry. Uh so, uh, our friends of the Republic, they felt a little uncomfortable with our plan to heist their government, so I gave them each a million credits to keep their mouths shut, and I uh let them take that fancy new shuttle that you guys picked up on Narshida and uh sent them on their way.

SPEAKER_04 3:13

So they won't be bothering us then, or they shan't be bothering us again. Hell yeah.

SPEAKER_11 3:19

Um can I roll perception on Maz? Did she just murder them? She is more powerful than she appears, I think.

SPEAKER_02 3:30

Would Bane let her murder him?

SPEAKER_01 3:33

Well, maybe not Bane, but uh Yeah, she did she did say specifically the Republic people.

SPEAKER_11 3:37

Yeah, she didn't mention Bane.

SPEAKER_01 3:39

So, uh this'll be a perception. Uh um Do you think she's lying to you? Do you want to try and roll against her deception? Or or her cool. Probably probably you're try we're probably trying to read into her cool more than her necessarily outright lying to you because you don't know.

SPEAKER_03 3:57

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 3:58

Um so this is gonna be a perception uh against three red and a purple.

SPEAKER_11 4:04

I'll take a strain to upgrade my role. Oh! Two failures and a triumph.

SPEAKER_01 4:11

Holy shit. So you don't know if um Maz is lying, but now that you'd mention it, um, you did notice like a weird plume of smoke this morning out on the horizon. The shuttle is gone.

SPEAKER_11 4:33

And you sent them all in the same shuttle?

SPEAKER_01 4:36

Well, I gave Bane the bountiful booby because uh we've been cooking up a little bit of a plan to deal with the uh the whole Jedi and Sith part of things. Remember, we need this uh heist to pull it off, and we need kind of the war to somebody to win the war for us to do it, and he's going to help us with that.

SPEAKER_11 4:54

Okay. So it doesn't have anything to do with that big uh fire that it looked like was um in the hills earlier, right?

SPEAKER_01 5:02

Oh, I don't know about that. I uh I have uh nothing to do with anything that might be happening. I cannot say. No uh Bane is fine, don't worry. He took the orb. I wouldn't let that go for free.

SPEAKER_02 5:14

But what about Garza's orbs?

SPEAKER_11 5:16

Oh, his orbs! Have you robbed the galaxy of those, Mass?

SPEAKER_01 5:21

No, Bane, he's going to uh do some ostentatious shit with that orb and uh draw attention away from us.

SPEAKER_11 5:28

I that sounds fine.

SPEAKER_01 5:30

And then we'll go uh meet up with him later.

SPEAKER_11 5:32

Okay, so like what were you thinking right now?

SPEAKER_01 5:35

Well, so we have 80 million credits, right? So I was thinking, this town, we want to help the town, so why don't we give them 50%?

SPEAKER_02 5:43

I thought we were gonna have a vacation episode.

SPEAKER_01 5:47

Vacation? No, we need to work.

SPEAKER_11 5:50

You know, better than obvious.

SPEAKER_10 5:52

This is this is how capitalism takes over.

SPEAKER_08 5:56

We have many fun vacations.

SPEAKER_10 5:58

Wait, this has nothing to do with capitalism. Never mind. I just assume capitalism has something to do with working.

SPEAKER_01 6:04

Once we pull off the heist, we'll have a castle full of treasure worth way more than 40 million credits.

SPEAKER_09 6:10

I thought you were gonna say a castle full of freaks.

SPEAKER_07 6:15

You can buy many freaks.

SPEAKER_01 6:17

You can buy so many freaks with that 80 million dollars. Do not worry, the freaks will come.

SPEAKER_08 6:23

Oh shit. I always thought it was something where like it was impressive for Umbarans to have, like, the most impressive freak, but maybe it's also like the freaks actively look up cool castle to go to.

SPEAKER_10 6:38

But in the same way that Star Wars doesn't have any railings on their like high uh on their platforms, every castle has a freak.

SPEAKER_07 6:47

The freaks are actually independent contractors.

SPEAKER_11 6:50

Yeah, like they you have interviews for the freaks, and the freaks are like, well, really, I'm interviewing you as well.

SPEAKER_02 6:57

What one of one of the why did you leave your last job? Why did your last castle freak leave?

SPEAKER_10 7:07

I love the idea of like after a freak builds his own castle, he just like, alright, man, this is my room. I stay in my room.

SPEAKER_11 7:15

I stay in the basement as a freak.

SPEAKER_10 7:18

Just make sure you you you put some like scraps under the door every once in a while, and I'll be sure to chomp them down.

SPEAKER_11 7:25

Yeah, you'll find I have a degree from Freak You. I'm very qualified. So yeah, we can get we'll have like a castle of shit, and then we'll have a a little vacation once we have our castle.

SPEAKER_01 7:40

I mean, we'll still need to fence all of the treasure unless anything could be useful for our conquest of well it would one step at a time. One step at a time.

SPEAKER_11 7:47

Wait, what conquest? Are you what are you thinking? Like future stuff?

SPEAKER_01 7:51

Look, the Republic's going to be crippled, the Sith are going to be all dead, the galaxy's going to need some new leadership.

SPEAKER_11 7:57

Wait, I'm like not into being in government, though.

SPEAKER_01 8:00

Oh, you don't have to. I know, Vanry, you won't be in charge.

SPEAKER_11 8:04

Well, I wasn't fuck you too, hey!

SPEAKER_01 8:07

Well we'll give you a cushy position. Maybe you can be the cockswing on some big ship, we'll name it after you, it'll be fine. He said it again. He said it again.

SPEAKER_11 8:15

Oh, oh like you will name it after me?

SPEAKER_10 8:17

You'll have a nice. We'll see. Not not not not on the ship itself. You'll have a nice bench that has a plaque with your name on it.

SPEAKER_11 8:24

This is my ship. I'm the captain.

SPEAKER_01 8:28

So we still, here's the thing. We shouldn't get our heads up in the clouds because we don't have the castle yet. No freaks yet.

SPEAKER_11 8:36

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 8:36

That's a ship. All we have is a bunch of stolen money, which we need to get rid of.

SPEAKER_11 8:40

Wait, get rid of?

SPEAKER_01 8:42

Like launder?

SPEAKER_11 8:43

Gotta make it clean somehow. Or like spend?

SPEAKER_01 8:46

Just traded in for uh assets, shall we say, because since we decided to say fuck you to the Republic, uh, I do not think we will be able to return to Takodana unmolested.

SPEAKER_11 9:01

Okay. Uh that's a shame. I did like Maddie. She was nice. It's too bad the Republic's gonna like just totally fucking be annihilated, because Maddie's probably gonna die too. She is a lovely person. Oh well.

SPEAKER_01 9:14

Oh well. But I do have a friend. A friend, an old friend of my uncle's named Greasy Fingats, has recently managed to get his little Greasy Fingats onto a Republic warship. Okay. And you know the cost of a Republic Warship is roughly 40 million credits.

SPEAKER_10 9:37

Okay, and we're and I'm just looking at him like, what are you trying to say?

SPEAKER_01 9:41

Go on. Well, if we're going to bypass the warships that are at Tacodana, we need a warship of our own. And I suggest that we buy it from Greece.

SPEAKER_10 9:51

So you would like 14 14 million credits? No, 40 million millions. We have the 40 million.

SPEAKER_11 9:57

So you're you're thinking, like, we have 80 million million altogether, right? We give half of it to the town and the other half goes to buy the ship so no one gets paid.

SPEAKER_01 10:07

Oh no, no. He's giving us a discount because I've agreed that we're going to do an assassination for him.

SPEAKER_11 10:13

Oh, for fuck's sakes. Oh. Will he pay for the ship?

SPEAKER_01 10:17

How much is the ship normally? 40 million. We'll only have to pay like 35. Well like down a bit more than that. I mean, Jesus Christ.

SPEAKER_11 10:28

Can't we at least get paid?

SPEAKER_01 10:30

Okay, maybe I can bargain him down because this assassination contract, it is kind of a a big deal, and it's probably worth more than five million credits, honestly.

SPEAKER_11 10:40

Who are we killing? Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 10:41

Thirty million.

SPEAKER_11 10:43

Yeah, good good question. Who who is the target?

SPEAKER_01 10:46

Uh Zophikar, the pirate king of the Blades of Kali. Grease wants his head.

SPEAKER_11 10:51

Oh, well, they're fucking assholes. Like, whatever, yeah, let's kill them.

SPEAKER_10 10:54

I mean, but for more money, for more money. Yeah. If we could swing it, because we're gonna be changing the tides of like a lot of people's lives if we take this fucker out.

SPEAKER_08 11:05

If we have the head, we've already done the job. It's gonna be hard to negotiate.

SPEAKER_11 11:09

Like, does he literally want the head itself? Like he wants to mount it.

SPEAKER_08 11:15

If we get there with the head and go, here's the head, and he he can't be like, no, that I don't want it after all. That's okay. We can't put it back on his body.

SPEAKER_10 11:24

So we take him hostage or do you know how to negotiate stuff? Have you have you bargained or haggled at all ever in your life?

SPEAKER_01 11:32

Okay, to be fair, like we have to be fair in my defense, it is quite hard to negotiate with a corpse.

SPEAKER_11 11:37

Like, okay, because we don't need to negotiate with a corpse. We just get his head, whatever. And then there's a guy who was gonna be giving us a discount on the ship, and he literally wants the head. Like, not figuratively, it's not that he just wants him dead, he wants the head. Like, yes, I don't want to know what to do with it. What is he gonna do with it? Like, is he gonna mount it? Doesn't matter. But then we don't give him the head, we say, okay, but if you want this and you gotta knock another five million off the price, correct. Am I correct in assuming that is what you had in mind, Maz?

SPEAKER_01 12:07

Yeah, well, I'm assuming he just wanted uh proof that the deed was done, but maybe we could take Zulfikar hostage and then do the negotiation. Or if you guys are uh so capitalist-minded, uh I'm sure that Zulfikar's ship has untold treasures aboard. Oh, treasures are good. We could just plunder the plunderers.

SPEAKER_11 12:26

Yeah. Okay, if we kill him, are we in charge of the Blaze of Cali then?

SPEAKER_01 12:30

You know, I hadn't thought about that. Okay, fuck it. New plan! Fuck the Republic Cruiser. We keep the 40 million met credits, we kill Zolfikar, we take control of the pirates, we use his ship to invade Takodana.

SPEAKER_11 12:42

Is his ship better?

SPEAKER_01 12:43

Well, it's a uh big ass Nemoidean saucer ship that can fit probably like 12 of our uh slippery swallows inside.

SPEAKER_00 12:51

So that would be more like, you know.

SPEAKER_11 12:55

It does sound like a good ass ship. That sounds like so like if we're getting. Oh my god, does that mean that like if we took control of the Blades of Cali in addition to us, then we would have like a monopoly on piracy in the galaxy?

SPEAKER_01 13:10

No, there's still pirates out there, but uh yes, they will be sleeping at our hotels.

unknown 13:15

Yes.

SPEAKER_11 13:16

We have hotels on all the blocks.

SPEAKER_10 13:20

I wouldn't mind having a pirate armada. That sounds that sounds sexy. Sounds sexy as hell. A fleet.

SPEAKER_01 13:26

Alright, let's get this bitch. Who knows where to find him?

SPEAKER_11 13:29

You ever said yes with a job, I thought that you knew.

SPEAKER_01 13:32

Okay, well, I don't know where, you know, he is. Uh, that'd probably be a knowledge underworld. What kind of knowledge underworld? Um, he is a pirate king. Maz doesn't seem to know where he is. She seems to be pretty well connected, so it would probably be hard. Three purple.

SPEAKER_11 13:58

I will take a strain and upgrade. Two failures, three advantage. One failure, three advantage.

SPEAKER_02 14:04

Two threats.

SPEAKER_11 14:06

Wait, is that fucking robot here? Is that fucking spark robot? I was just thinking that.

SPEAKER_02 14:10

Is he part of the Blades of Cali?

SPEAKER_11 14:12

Yeah. Their crew was part of the Blades of Cali. That's why I keep saying we shouldn't have it around. It's a spy for the Blades of Cali. Is it listening? Yes. What are you gonna do? What are you gonna do with this knowledge? What have you heard? So, I mean, Vanry, you got advantage, right?

SPEAKER_00 14:27

I got I got four success and four threat, by the way.

SPEAKER_01 14:29

Okay. Uh, Rhombius, you got uh advantage. Al, uh, you got success. Um, if I don't know you got success and threat. Al, you wouldn't know where to find him necessarily, but uh I th this there's a guy whose name has come up once or twice before, Onyx Shub, the former leader of the Blades of Kali.

SPEAKER_11 14:52

Ah Onyx Schubb.

SPEAKER_01 14:54

Yeah, he was one of the people who was bidding at the exchange auction. Apparently, like he's still alive. You could so if you could find him, he might know how to get you to his old ship.

SPEAKER_11 15:05

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 15:06

Uh Rhombius and Vanry, you got failure with advantage. Um, if you want to use those advantages to look up where Shub is, or maybe if you Vanry, if you want to use those advantages to fucking shake Sparky, shake something out of Sparky, you could.

SPEAKER_11 15:22

You'll shake Sparky down. What are you telling your people?

SPEAKER_01 15:25

Uh so first Rhombius, uh, if you want to look up uh with your advantage, if you want to look up Shub's whereabouts, he is currently uh imprisoned on Mongaza awaiting trial for stealing spice. He does have a bail posted at 50,000 credits.

SPEAKER_08 15:41

That we can we can bail it out.

SPEAKER_01 15:42

Uh, but Vanry, if you want to shake down Sparky, uh are you what are you doing to him?

SPEAKER_11 15:48

I'm I'm just lifting him and literally shaking him. I don't know how to interrogate a uh this sort of life form. Are you telling your crew things? Are you t uh pass you along secrets? We pass along secrets all the time. What have you told them?

unknown 16:03

Nothing of this plan.

SPEAKER_02 16:05

I mean, we just found out about this plan.

SPEAKER_06 16:07

It's because you like pirates by necessity.

SPEAKER_10 16:11

Do you do do you think our uh do you think your boys, like some of the boys that you're talking to might uh uh like uh uh might need a change of leadership?

SPEAKER_06 16:23

Piracy gets us fuel. If you can promise an alternate source of fuel, we can join you.

unknown 16:30

Hmm.

SPEAKER_06 16:31

I mean uh like your.

SPEAKER_11 16:38

That's my bit. Hey yeah, if he's Zolvikar's bodyguard, like, would he know where he is? They are currently out of communication range. How far would he have to be to be out of communication range with you? They may be in Well, okay, like can we promise a different source of fuel? Because like we're taking this Republic thing, they probably have a lot of fuel. Right? Hakadana has a lot of shit.

SPEAKER_01 16:59

I mean, it's mostly like an artifact storehouse, it seems.

SPEAKER_11 17:02

Does anyone know of where there would be a good source of fuel that we could guarantee to get them to help us?

SPEAKER_01 17:08

I mean, if you have a pirate armada, you could probably take fuel from wherever you want. That's fair.

SPEAKER_11 17:14

Yeah, sure, we totally can do that.

SPEAKER_06 17:17

Give us castle, and we have a deal.

SPEAKER_10 17:20

Ooh, yeah, that sounds good. Okay.

SPEAKER_11 17:22

Fuck castle.

SPEAKER_10 17:23

Yeah, no, we're we're gonna take that place over. That place is.

SPEAKER_01 17:26

Yeah, I mean, castle right now is under the control of the pikes, but yeah, you could that's that's a future of the future problem.

SPEAKER_11 17:30

Yeah, it's fine. We'll have an armada! What are they gonna do?

SPEAKER_10 17:34

Future me will deal with that shit.

SPEAKER_11 17:37

Yeah, sure. Castle, whatever. Your compliance is valued.

SPEAKER_10 17:41

Oh, that's the nicest thing anybody's ever said about me.

SPEAKER_11 17:45

Which is amazing, because it's not actually nice, Al.

SPEAKER_10 17:48

I I I'm being told that I'm valued. Of course it's nice.

SPEAKER_11 17:52

Oh, honey. I love being valued for being compliant.

SPEAKER_10 18:01

That speaks to a lot of things now, I'm thinking.

SPEAKER_11 18:06

Tell me I'm a good boy, Sparky. You're the best boy. Yes, I am! I am such a good boy. Okay, so these what these guys are on board, so that's good. Um, what was a bail for Onyx Chub again?

SPEAKER_01 18:24

Uh 50,000.

SPEAKER_11 18:26

Okay, 50,000. Oh yeah, we can pay his bail. That's nothing. We're gonna go bail this bitch out and then be like, now you owe us.

SPEAKER_08 18:33

Now you owe us 40 million credits.

SPEAKER_11 18:37

Give us information or we'll put you back in. Shall we? Shall we sh shall we go bail the bitch? This.

SPEAKER_01 18:43

You can go bail the bitch.

SPEAKER_11 18:46

He's the bitch.

SPEAKER_10 18:48

He's the can maybe please approach the bitch.

SPEAKER_01 18:52

So uh Bane has taken the bountiful booby and the Republic people have taken a uh short trip on the uh shuttle.

SPEAKER_11 19:00

Aww. Man, I did like them, but uh oh well.

SPEAKER_10 19:04

Oh well. Say Lobby may maybe if we ask them nice, they'll come uh they'll come and see uh the correct side.

SPEAKER_01 19:13

Yeah, maybe. Sure. They went to a farm upstate. Let's just go visit them once in a while. Uh so uh with your last, currently last remaining ship then is the slippery swallow. And you can take that to the planet Mongaza. Mongaza, like so many planets in the galaxy, is a desert shithole. Hell yeah. Uh like Kessel, Mongaza is a spice mining colony, and with those uh advantages, you can uh locate the Mongaza spaceport where Onyx Shub is being held. The docking fee is a uh paltry 50 credits, but your ship really stands out as ostentatious among the like dusty and rusty freighters that kind of litter the spaceport's lots.

SPEAKER_02 20:05

Can we pay extra for security? That's a good question.

SPEAKER_01 20:08

Like protection?

SPEAKER_11 20:10

Yeah. Well, like for, you know, in case the just, you know, make sure you keep an extra good eye to make sure no one busts into our ship.

SPEAKER_01 20:17

I mean, they're still people. Like Luna Dewan can still like sling a minigun over his shoulder and like sit outside.

SPEAKER_11 20:25

Cool. Yeah, like Luna, DeWan, and Pierce never come with us anyways, they'll keep an eye on the ship.

SPEAKER_01 20:31

Yeah, all your all your your surviving crew, let's say.

SPEAKER_11 20:35

Yeah. I'm glad that Maz values all the crew equally and it would never leave certain members of the crew to die. Anyway, shall we?

SPEAKER_10 20:44

Famous last word, famous last words. Yes.

SPEAKER_02 20:46

I mean the other ones were just hop-ons, anyways.

SPEAKER_01 20:49

We could get some hop-ons.

SPEAKER_11 20:53

Oh, but Zephyr was Zephyr was nice. Like a little a little fucky, but you know, it's fine.

SPEAKER_01 20:59

So as you uh enter the spaceport proper, uh you can find the uh local security headquarters where Onyx is being held. And as as you enter, uh there's like just fucking humidify like the air is like really almost like misty and foggy.

SPEAKER_11 21:21

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 21:22

Inside here. Um maybe maybe the name is a bit of a giveaway. Mon Gaza uh is a colony world of Moncala. Uh and the bulbous-eyed fish-headed desk clerks uh kind of wave to you like a uh a bored greeting as you enter. And they say, uh, here for drop off or pickup?

SPEAKER_11 21:44

Um pickup?

SPEAKER_01 21:46

Who? Uh give me your name?

SPEAKER_11 21:49

Onyx Schubb.

SPEAKER_01 21:50

Chubb, schub, schub. Um Oh yeah, okay. No, he's in uh he's in for uh spice smuggling. Well, he's waiting trial, uh, so bail's pretty high. 50,000 credits. Sorry.

SPEAKER_11 22:07

Yeah, uh, Maz pay the man.

SPEAKER_01 22:09

And and he looks like over the desk and he's like, oh, I didn't see you there. And like she just kind of like reaches up and slides like 50,000 credits over the across the desk. And she reaches into her pocket, pulls out one more chit, and says, and a little extra to show some discretion.

SPEAKER_02 22:28

Yeah, shut up.

SPEAKER_01 22:29

And and the uh the Mon Calamari at the desk, he says, uh, alright, let's uh are y'all coming back or what?

SPEAKER_11 22:38

Just to stay behind?

SPEAKER_01 22:40

Well, we can bring them out to you, but uh, we don't really have a lot of uh extra personnel right now, so uh Yeah, whatever, we'll come back. Okay.

SPEAKER_10 22:48

So is everybody drooling right now?

SPEAKER_11 22:51

Ugh.

SPEAKER_01 22:52

I mean, yeah, like all these fishmen are like just the wettest mouths. Like they they're wearing like blue uniforms, but they're like stained all around their collars and like their their chests from where they've been drooling. So he leads you uh through the humid halls, and eventually you get to this little holding cell, and he opens it and he says, Chub, you're uh uh people someone's paid your bail, get up. And this sickly looking Nemoidean dressed in like at one what at one point was stylish ostentatious clothes, but like you know Nemoidian fast fashion that stuff never holds together. Uh so it's basically like like sequined golden rags.

SPEAKER_11 23:36

When always wearing a spacian.

SPEAKER_01 23:40

And he says, uh, I I don't know you guys. Who are you guys? I don't I don't know them. They're uh they're coming to kill me or something.

SPEAKER_02 23:47

That's a really interesting accent you have.

SPEAKER_01 23:50

What kind of accent should I have?

SPEAKER_11 23:53

Yeah, perform it. No. Demonstrate the accent.

SPEAKER_02 24:00

I want to be an Emmoidean.

SPEAKER_11 24:04

Like, do you want to have your bail paid or not?

SPEAKER_01 24:09

Well, who are you guys?

SPEAKER_11 24:11

We're friends.

SPEAKER_01 24:13

Friends of whose? Friends of you. Friends of you, if you uh treat us right. Hey, uh uh, did you did you check them for weapons before bringing them over here? And the Mon Calamari just shrugs and like pockets the extra credits Mad Maz gave him.

SPEAKER_10 24:30

God damn it, Maz, you're gonna be s you're gonna run out of money before.

SPEAKER_11 24:36

It's fine. We're not here to kill you as long as you don't pull any nonsense.

SPEAKER_01 24:41

Right, right, right, right, right. And he makes a break for it.

SPEAKER_11 24:44

Oh, can I stop him?

SPEAKER_01 24:46

Uh, yeah, give me give me athletics.

SPEAKER_02 24:48

I have a stun setting on my pistol.

SPEAKER_10 24:50

Does anybody have any bull uh have any what are those called? Those bolas?

SPEAKER_11 24:55

Oh, like the the balls tied together? Yeah. What would it be to just uh chase him and stop him?

SPEAKER_01 25:02

Uh if you want to chase him, that would probably be a brawl.

SPEAKER_11 25:05

Could I just obstruct him from running?

SPEAKER_01 25:07

Or athletics. Like if you wanna if you wanna like try and attack him as he's running out, it would be a brawl. If you want to like chase after him or just like otherwise stop him, it would be athletics.

SPEAKER_11 25:16

I'll just stop him. We don't need him breaking. I don't we don't need me to get it to spare an act as accidentally rip his head off.

SPEAKER_01 25:24

So uh that'll be against probably his coordination, because he's uh he's he he doesn't look very strong, but he might be able to weasel his way past you, so uh that is gonna be against a red and a purple.

SPEAKER_11 25:39

Take a strain to upgrade.

SPEAKER_01 25:41

And his uh his rags also give him a point of defense, he's hard to grab.

SPEAKER_11 25:46

Oh, the black came up with nothing. So three success, three advantage, and a triumph.

SPEAKER_01 25:50

So, yeah, you can stop him right in his tracks. And how how do you how do you stop him? Do you grab him, do you chase after him? I'll just grab him before he can get out of the cell. You can grab him as uh he runs out of the cell, and as you're like, you stop him, you got that triumph. So as he's like stopping short, his like golden dentures fly out of his mouth.

SPEAKER_11 26:11

Ooh. More money.

SPEAKER_01 26:14

Golden dentures, you say. Yeah, he's uh as a pirate, he doesn't have uh the best uh he's fucking scurvy as hell. He's a scurvy dog. Not eating not eating a lot of vitamin C in this prison.

SPEAKER_11 26:27

Okay, do we want to like take him back to the ship to talk to him?

SPEAKER_01 26:30

The ship. The ship your pirates. Oh my oh did oh no, no, no, no, no, the blade sent you, the blade sent you.

SPEAKER_10 26:37

Oh come on there, buddy. Let's uh let you and me, we're gonna go and sit down, we're gonna have a little chat, okay? Would you like a lollipop?

SPEAKER_02 26:45

Do you have beef with the blades?

SPEAKER_01 26:47

Fuck yeah, I got beef with the blades. You guys, your leader, Zolfikar. I thought it was an animal! I thought you were all animals. It's not my fault that you guys are sanctioned. You didn't have to depose me. Come on, let's talk this out. I got money, I got more money. Uh I hid it when they put me in here. I hid it in my body, and if you give me six to eight hours, I can get it back for you.

SPEAKER_02 27:08

Wait, what race is that?

SPEAKER_10 27:09

How long have you been hiding that also, how long have you been hiding that money for? Since I swallowed it. When did you swallow it?

SPEAKER_04 27:17

I'm not telling you. I'm not giving you a timeline.

SPEAKER_02 27:22

Wait, have you been here for like half a day and you're like seeing coy. Have you been in here for half a day and are wearing rags now?

SPEAKER_10 27:30

I looked like this before, okay? I've been hitting hard times.

SPEAKER_02 27:33

Okay, okay.

SPEAKER_10 27:34

Math equations keep going around my head of like, wait a second, what what is going on? When did they shit out that stuff?

SPEAKER_02 27:41

Wait, what brings me to the city?

SPEAKER_01 27:42

The Mon Calamari says, Yeah, we uh pipped him up this morning.

SPEAKER_02 27:46

God damn it.

SPEAKER_11 27:48

He's a Nemoidian.

SPEAKER_02 27:49

No, no, the other guy. Oh, the Mon Calamari guy. No. Oh no, Zolthikar. The guy he thought wasn't Fentian.

SPEAKER_01 27:56

I don't I don't know what kind of guy, what kind of being he is. We picked him up, him and his people, they wear those bone masks. We thought he was like a primitive.

SPEAKER_02 28:04

Q bone? One of those boners.

SPEAKER_11 28:07

Like uh bone masks. Yeah, that's like um is that like a caliche thing? See a caliche?

SPEAKER_02 28:14

Oh no, no. Wait, yeah?

SPEAKER_01 28:16

Roll me a roll me a four-purple knowledge outer rim if you Okay. I got this.

SPEAKER_10 28:24

Four purple?

SPEAKER_08 28:25

Yeah. I'm a bone specialist, a bonologist.

SPEAKER_02 28:29

Another two-threat from me.

SPEAKER_08 28:31

Four success, two threats.

SPEAKER_01 28:33

Three threat. Rhombius, you have heard of the uh Kalish. And you have heard that Zolphakar is such a being. The Blades of Kali reorganized under his banner. Uh Myra, you got threat, Rhombius, you got threat. The Kalish are known to be incredibly powerful, cunning, ruthless warriors. Uh nobody that has ever encountered them that you've heard of has escaped without grievous injury. General grievous.

SPEAKER_11 29:05

Generally grievous.

SPEAKER_01 29:06

No, the injuries are very specific.

SPEAKER_11 29:09

So what I'm hearing is not a lot of people have the opportunity to rip their heads off.

SPEAKER_01 29:15

No. Yeah, it's rare that they've been decapitated.

SPEAKER_10 29:19

They they they can't all be uh praying mantises.

SPEAKER_11 29:23

But I can be you fuck this guy in the rip's head off.

SPEAKER_02 29:28

Shit, that be could be your pirate name.

SPEAKER_10 29:30

That'll that'll teach him. Praying mantis. Actually, hell yeah, it sounds rad. Death by snooze noon.

SPEAKER_02 29:37

Not the praying mantis, just the the mantis, because she ain't religious no more.

SPEAKER_11 29:44

I dropped out of clown college.

SPEAKER_08 29:47

Her victims are the ones who are praying.

SPEAKER_11 29:49

Okay, can we just take this guy back to our ship to uh talk to him and let him know what the deal is?

SPEAKER_01 29:54

Yeah, you can drag him back to the ship. Come on.

SPEAKER_10 29:59

What was his name again? Onyx Shub. I have that written down too. Come on, Onyx. We we we got we got some stuff to look into.

SPEAKER_01 30:07

I think we should just call him Shubby.

SPEAKER_11 30:09

Shubby.

SPEAKER_01 30:10

You can drag him back his feet, uh, leaving these long trails as you drag him through like the sand of the of the town back to the spaceport.

SPEAKER_10 30:19

We make sure we tape his mouth shut so he doesn't scream the entire time.

SPEAKER_08 30:23

Is he fortuitous?

SPEAKER_10 30:26

Uh doesn't seem like it. I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 30:31

Is he fortuitous? I don't know.

SPEAKER_02 30:33

Tiny wines.

SPEAKER_01 30:34

But as you uh return to your docking bay, you can see some smoldering corpses, uh, and Dewan's smoldering blaster rifle.

SPEAKER_10 30:43

Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_01 30:44

We missed a lot.

SPEAKER_10 30:45

We missed a lot.

SPEAKER_01 30:46

No, it's cool. I let half of them get away.

SPEAKER_10 30:49

Oh, good.

SPEAKER_01 30:50

Balance, you know.

SPEAKER_10 30:51

I mean, uh as all things should be. Um, don't kill this don't don't kill this guy yet. We we still need some information from him. Roger.

SPEAKER_01 31:00

Do we want to like rifling through their pockets? Hell yeah. So where where do you interrogate Chub? In the just in the docking bay, do you take him you're gonna give him a swirly, you're gonna waterboard him?

SPEAKER_11 31:12

What's your Well Well, do we wanna do good cop or bad cop? Like, do we want to take him to the galley and give him a sandwich and be like, see, we're all friends here.

SPEAKER_10 31:21

I feel like he's already like on edge. I feel as though if we I I feel as though if we did if we did go c uh good cop, he would be more likely to talk to us because he's already like scar uh because he's already just sort of like really scared of everything, whereas if we go bad cop, it might just like put him in. It might just shut down.

SPEAKER_02 31:44

So I feel like he'd be more able to, more willing to give us the info.

SPEAKER_10 31:48

Get give him give him a uh let let our uh let our uh goals be mutually exclusive. The enemy of my enemy is my frenemy.

SPEAKER_11 31:59

What do you say? Who's charming? Who can make this guy a sandwich and go, see, buddy, it's okay. Hey guy.

SPEAKER_08 32:08

I feel like I'm bored the bad cop because of my entrancing horror factor, so I'll I'll be reserved, bad cop.

SPEAKER_11 32:15

My or do you want to be good? Yeah, sure.

SPEAKER_08 32:18

Did I already buy that new stat? Let me take a look.

SPEAKER_10 32:21

If you guys need uh a liar to come and be like, I just got news your mother is fucking dead. Tell us more or else your father's next. Let me know.

SPEAKER_07 32:30

I've never heard I've never heard of good cop, bad cop, liar cop.

SPEAKER_10 32:36

What a fuckery. What are you talking about? Liar cops are everywhere.

SPEAKER_02 32:39

Good cop, bad cop, fucking the clown.

SPEAKER_07 32:44

One cop will can only tell the truth. One cop can only lie. We will interrogate you.

SPEAKER_11 32:53

Yeah, okay. Like, Shavi, why don't you come through the galley? We're gonna have a sandwich. We're not with Blaze of Cali. We fucking hate them, and that's why we sprung you.

SPEAKER_01 33:01

Is that gonna be a charm?

SPEAKER_11 33:03

Uh hell. Sure.

SPEAKER_01 33:05

So, uh, Onyx Shub, uh, at one point was a powerful Nemoidean pirate. The flagship of the Blades is a large Nemoidean saucer ship, potentially uh formerly belonging to the Trade Federation. He may have at one point been a powerful player in uh Galactic Industry. So, uh he does have two ranks of nobody's fool. You'll be able to uh add a blue onto your role because he is quite disheveled and uh he's not at his uh his height. So that will be uh starting against four purple. And his nobody's fool will raise that to two red and two purple, and you will be able to add a blue for his current condition.

SPEAKER_11 33:50

Okay. Could I f Do we do we just have the one destiny point?

SPEAKER_01 33:54

At the moment, yeah.

SPEAKER_11 33:56

Uh you know what? I'm gonna flip it to downgrade one of the reds, and I'll take a strain to upgrade my role. Uh two thread. Should've just let Meyer handle it. Sorry. Should've just kept my mouth shut.

SPEAKER_01 34:08

And like he looks at you, uh he looks at you up and down, and he says, think you're gonna play uh nice cop asshole cop on me. We have three cops.

SPEAKER_10 34:24

No we don't! And then I leave.

SPEAKER_11 34:27

Oh, that's liar cop again.

SPEAKER_07 34:29

That's a liar cop.

SPEAKER_02 34:32

I mean, I guess we could give you some food if you don't be a little bitch.

SPEAKER_09 34:38

Don't be a bitch about it.

SPEAKER_02 34:40

Yeah, don't be a bitch about it.

SPEAKER_11 34:41

Gosh.

SPEAKER_02 34:42

Yeah, we just spent like a million credits to get you out of jail. Yeah. Like a little a little gratitude.

SPEAKER_11 34:47

Jeez.

SPEAKER_01 34:48

Oh, come on, I have a million credits stashed up my ass.

SPEAKER_11 34:52

Okay, well shit them out and give them to us, then if you don't want to help us. You seem pretty desperate. You're desperate. Alright, it's time for bad time.

SPEAKER_02 35:01

All we were told. All we were told was to give the head of like a captain of the Blades of Kali to somebody, and like you used to be one, so that might also count. Oh.

SPEAKER_01 35:13

Oh, is that a coercion?

SPEAKER_02 35:15

Um Jesus Christ.

SPEAKER_01 35:18

Um sounds like a coercion to me.

SPEAKER_02 35:21

Why not a charm?

SPEAKER_10 35:24

I'm trying to remember. We have like some kind of poison that has like uh a quick antidote, or no?

SPEAKER_00 35:32

Uh, you have uh whatever the fuck Rusty's been cooking up.

SPEAKER_10 35:37

Cause like maybe I can like sneak it into a drink uh a drink of his and say, like, okay, you'll give us whatever you want, or otherwise you're gonna die in like however long it takes for you to die in that thing. And we have the antidote, but we will not give it to you until you give us the information that we want.

SPEAKER_01 35:53

Gonna Temple of Doom'em. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 35:55

Can I roll my coercion even though it's bad? I just want to see what happens.

SPEAKER_01 35:59

Yeah, so Vanry, you got a threat on your roll?

SPEAKER_11 36:02

I got two threats on my roll.

SPEAKER_01 36:04

So he's he's a little guarded, so you'll have to add a black. He he doesn't really take you guys seriously yet. So uh that will be a coercion, starting off uh against his discipline, but he still has those ranks of nobody's fool. So that will be uh against three reds, a purple, and a black.

SPEAKER_02 36:24

Christ.

SPEAKER_01 36:25

Oh sorry, two reds, a purple and a black.

SPEAKER_02 36:27

Two reds? Okay, sweet. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 36:28

Uh I mean not better, but yeah.

SPEAKER_02 36:35

Oh, ooh, mmm. Can't it be deception? I don't mean it.

SPEAKER_11 36:44

I'm just doing a little fibby-poo.

SPEAKER_02 36:48

Yeah, that's what I thought. Um failure with despair.

unknown 36:54

Dang!

SPEAKER_01 36:55

And he says, Oh, so somebody uh hired you to take out the head of the blades of Cali, but I'm assuming you know that he took my old ship, and you've come to me wanting to know the location of it because he's hidden it in some wherever the fuck he's gone, tail between his legs. I don't know if he has a tail, honestly. But it sounds like you need me to talk, so I don't think you're gonna be hurting me that much, Missy.

SPEAKER_10 37:21

Oh my god, but if I'm just like, Alright, I'm gonna I'm I'm gonna mix the poison. Do I have to roll anything for that? Mix the poison?

SPEAKER_01 37:28

Yeah, it'll be uh uh deception. Rusty the uh the bartender robot has been uh mixing drinks surreptitiously in the background. And I have the antidote, right? Yeah, but but because Meyer got that to spare, uh he is gonna be like looking your way. Like he's kind of like getting assessing you as you're do this, doing this, all of you. So that's gonna upgrade. Gonna use the destiny point as well. Uh so this is gonna have to be a s probably a skullduggery against his uh perception. That's fine. What kind of skulldug? Uh so that is gonna be against uh with the destiny point and the upgrade uh from the despair. That is gonna be against five purple, uh five red.

SPEAKER_02 38:15

Ha! Only I'm gonna say I could do a distracting behavior, but I guess I can't if I had despair.

SPEAKER_01 38:20

How many how many deep points do we have? I uh you have one. You probably could.

SPEAKER_10 38:25

Um anything anything you can do to help me out here. I'm just gonna look at my specializations and see if there's anything I can do. Um I can read it.

SPEAKER_03 38:39

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 38:40

So if you want instead, he could roll a perception against Al Skullduggery and get a threat on that.

SPEAKER_10 38:46

Uh uh step ahead, uh, once per session, a character may uh suffer two strain in order to count his cunning as one higher. Uh is yeah, uh Skullduggery is cunning. Okay. So I'm uh I'm gonna I'm gonna let him roll. I'm gonna add a step ahead and I'm gonna flip a destiny. Okay. So I g I guess in total for me it's like three uh three green and so sorry, uh two green and three yellow, I believe.

SPEAKER_01 39:18

Yeah, so that he'll be rolling gates two purple and three blacks and get two threat on whatever he rolls. Okay. This is gonna suck. I I hate this so much.

SPEAKER_08 39:26

I believe on you.

SPEAKER_01 39:27

Coming down to a big roll, so let's see. Uh interesting. Two successes, but three threats plus uh two threats from Meyer.

SPEAKER_11 39:37

So four threat altogether.

SPEAKER_01 39:38

Yeah. Okay. So, um what that means is because he got two success, he was able to perceive that you are mixing something into his drink. Because he got those five threats, he has no reason to suspect it's anything harmful. He doesn't take you guys seriously. He doesn't even think you guys would like have poison.

SPEAKER_10 40:00

Oh, you sweet summer child. So he just thinks you may be a shitty bartender. To keep up appearances, I give you you guys, like uh, I'm giving I assume I'm giving everybody water here. So I'm gonna give you guys regular water. I'm gonna give him the poisoned water.

SPEAKER_11 40:17

Man, you are a shitty bartender. You're mixing up drinks, and it's like, may I interest you in some water?

SPEAKER_02 40:24

And this water with not poison in it.

SPEAKER_07 40:27

Or water comes in two flavors.

SPEAKER_10 40:32

Poison and non-poison. Uh, did you uh I'll I'll I'll ask him then it's like, did did you want anything to drink? Some uh some whiskey, some hodka.

SPEAKER_01 40:43

Oh, but he's just give me that swill. And he grabs the glass right out of your hand. And um because he got five-threat, this is gonna be a five-threat severity poison. Uh so he throws it back, uh, and he swallows the dose of skirtopenol. So skirtopenol was originally developed by the Corellian security intelligence agents. It is a truth serum.

SPEAKER_03 41:11

Yay!

SPEAKER_01 41:13

He'll be able to do a three purple resilience check to overcome. If he fails it, he'll take five strain, and the difficulty of checks to resist charm or coercion is upgraded. Let's see if his one brawn can uh uh threat. Good. Good. So you can see his uh Nemoidian, so he takes like seven points of strain from this. You can see this Nomoidean, his already clammy skin beginning to get even slimier and sweatier, and he like reaches for a napkin and starts dabbing his forehead. His like goat pupils, his like little slit goat pupils, they'd like get fucking huge. And he says, You don't uh hot in here or what, huh?

SPEAKER_10 42:03

I'll turn on the air conditioning. We gotta be sure you guys are comfortable here, right?

SPEAKER_01 42:07

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So uh what was it whoa sorry, what was it you guys were uh saying?

SPEAKER_11 42:13

I've learned my lesson, I'm keeping my mouth shut. That's all you Myer and Rhombius.

SPEAKER_01 42:18

So because he because he got those threats, he's also going to uh lose the benefits of his uh nobody's fool while he's taking this. Hell yeah.

SPEAKER_02 42:27

Come on, I I mean you're looking a little green right now, no offense. Like greener than normal, I mean. But like we can give you like a hot bath, a comfy bed, some new clothes, if you just like tell us where this like skull face is.

SPEAKER_08 42:50

You wanna give him a bath? Okay, so what's your bath?

SPEAKER_02 42:53

You can give him a bath. My charm?

SPEAKER_01 42:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 42:58

The ranks or the uh uh your your dice pool. Uh two yellow, one green, negative black.

SPEAKER_01 43:06

Okay. Uh so um that's going to turn that into three red. So this is, he's going to roll his cool. Uh he doesn't have his nobody's full benefits while he's under the influence of this drug, but he still has a pretty, pretty high presence. Two success and a threat. So he can still resist you, uh, but if somebody else wants to, normally a uh a despair would make it last for two rounds. He didn't get a despair, but he did get a threat. So if Rhombius or somebody else wants to try and ask him another question this round, they can do it.

SPEAKER_08 43:45

So I can do scary cop, but might be influenced by his uh tripping balls. Um What should I ask him?

SPEAKER_11 43:54

Well, you just need to know where uh fucking buddy is. Yeah, Zoltha Car. Right? Zoltha Car.

SPEAKER_08 44:03

I guess I could do a coercion or charm. Coercion.

SPEAKER_01 44:07

Coercion, you're gonna be bad cop.

SPEAKER_08 44:08

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 44:09

Okay, what is your coercion? Two greens, a yellow. That will be against two purples and a red.

SPEAKER_08 44:18

Do you get any benefits for the truth serum?

SPEAKER_01 44:20

Uh yeah, the truth serum is gonna upgrade that, so it'll be two reds and a purple. So he gets a failure, but an advantage.

SPEAKER_11 44:28

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 44:29

So so he's sweaty, water's dripping into his eyes. Uh, you look like maggots are coming out of your mouth. It's he's like starting to trip balls. And it's like, oh, oh! Okay, okay, okay, okay. Look, I'll tell you, just give me that bath. I I I I I want I need to take a soak, please.

SPEAKER_04 44:47

Oh, don't say it like that. Oh no, that sounds weird. I wanna soak my body. Do we have a deal? I just need I just need to warm up or cool down or something. He's gonna try and drown himself.

SPEAKER_11 45:05

Oh shit, might he might.

SPEAKER_08 45:07

Someone needs to supervise his bath time.

SPEAKER_02 45:10

Get get Luna or Pierce to give him a bath massage.

SPEAKER_08 45:14

SpongeBath. Al is the least sexy member of the party, I feel like once he has Hey, fuck you.

SPEAKER_02 45:23

Use your disguise to be a pretty lady and give him a nice scrub.

SPEAKER_11 45:27

Yeah. Or use your disguise to make yourself look like a really elderly Nemoidian so he feels like his mother is watching him. Just to keep him on edge.

SPEAKER_07 45:36

Was that was that his number one porn hub search? My own mother watching me have a bath.

SPEAKER_11 45:45

Nasty.

SPEAKER_10 45:46

Uh, you know what? This won't be the first person I've bathed I've bathed, this won't be the last, so let's go ahead and do it.

SPEAKER_11 45:54

Yeah, get in there.

SPEAKER_01 45:56

Well, a true bath, I think the only bathtub would be in like the the Jedi Masters. Like, this is like a galleon for a fancy lad, so there is quite a uh a gilded bathtub in Maz's captain's quarters.

SPEAKER_11 46:10

Come on, Maz's, for the sake of information.

SPEAKER_01 46:12

Yeah, she she grudgingly lets the uh the Nemoidian Onyx shub slip into a soothing uh bathtub.

SPEAKER_02 46:21

I'm sure she's got oils.

SPEAKER_10 46:24

I I start I I rub his feet and I'm like, tell me everything you know. Alright, my man. So uh I thought it was disguise. Oh, no, I mean, yeah, your man.

SPEAKER_11 46:37

My good bitch.

SPEAKER_10 46:39

My good bitch.

SPEAKER_01 46:41

Look, if you I can give you the tracking coordinates of my ship all the logins and stuff to find it. It's uh not a big deal.

SPEAKER_10 46:52

Can I stay here for a minute? You can stay here for as long as you like. You could stay until you turn into a prune.

SPEAKER_04 47:00

Alright, alright. Well, my stuff's over there if you feel like you need to uh urgently move. Wait, what? I'm just gonna have a nap if that's okay.

SPEAKER_10 47:11

Yeah, no, you go right ahead. And then I like take his uh wallet out of his pockets and I take out whatever information money he has.

SPEAKER_01 47:19

So you can take his wallet out of his pocket. Um there are uh suspiciously crusty credit chits. Uh I hate that. That he ha seem to seems to have passed at some point. And there is also a fob that has the uh tracking information for his vessel, the price of honor.

SPEAKER_11 47:41

Okay, that's all we need, right?

SPEAKER_01 47:42

Maz gives you a thumbs up as she's holding his head underwater from the bathroom.

SPEAKER_11 47:48

Wait, no, he still has like a million dollars up at the butt. We can get that out of him after he's dead. Okay. It doesn't matter. Look, Maz just wants to have some fun. Let her have some fun. Let her do a murdery do. I never get a let lose. As a treat.

SPEAKER_04 48:06

You get a little murdery do, as a treat.

SPEAKER_01 48:09

I mean, it seems like she may have had a lot of treats recently.

SPEAKER_03 48:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 48:14

But if you plug in the fob uh and plug it into your astrogation equipment, you can see that the live tracking is still updated on Shub's ship, the price of honor.

SPEAKER_11 48:23

Where is it?

SPEAKER_01 48:24

And you can see that uh it is in an area of space called the Typhonic Nebula.

SPEAKER_11 48:30

Would we know anything about that?

SPEAKER_01 48:32

Uh if you wanna roll me a knowledge outer rim.

SPEAKER_11 48:34

No, I don't want to roll that. Someone else can roll that.

SPEAKER_01 48:39

Either outer rim or maybe lore if you've heard any pirates' tales about it.

SPEAKER_08 48:44

I'm Lurie.

SPEAKER_01 48:45

That'll probably be a lore. Gonna give you a destiny point just in case you really don't know anything about this place. We'll just call it a uh you may have heard about it through various tales and stuff, but you may not know that much about it. So we'll call it a uh red and two purple. Well, we'll call it a red, a purple, and a black, because the knowledge would be circumstantial.

SPEAKER_08 49:05

War is actually my best stat. One success, but a threat. Four success, one threat.

SPEAKER_01 49:12

Okay. So both of you will have heard of the Typhonic Nebula. Uh the Typhonic Nebula is the kind of place that nobody really ever intends to go. Um, but people like if you're just slapping in a hyperspace coordinate, sometimes people end up there. Like most nebulas, it's probably gonna be hard to get communications in or out, which is probably why Sparky uh couldn't communicate with his ally aboard the ship. But other than that, because he got this threat, you don't really know that much else about it.

SPEAKER_11 49:44

Would Pierce he's an Astrogator? Pierce, do you know about the Typhonic Nebula?

SPEAKER_01 49:49

Yeah, you wanna have him. He can roll his astrogation. So you guys got threats, so that is gonna uh add an additional black because you guys are providing potentially misinformation. Uh but he got success and advantage. Uh so he says uh the Typhonic Nebula. I have heard of that place. Home to uh the Mega Fauna Chasm, I believe it's called. Is it Mega Fun? Um no, it's uh home to immense starworms that can devour a ship in one bite.

SPEAKER_10 50:20

Whoa. I thought I think I had star worms starworms a couple years ago, am I right? Uh I'll be over here.

SPEAKER_02 50:29

I don't want to share a bathroom with you anymore.

SPEAKER_11 50:34

You don't still want to.

SPEAKER_10 50:35

I said a couple of years ago. You don't still don't have worms anymore, you guys. Listen, I I don't think I've had worms in a couple years, okay? There's probably still still nothing wiggling around in me.

SPEAKER_11 50:49

Were they big enough to swallow a starship?

SPEAKER_10 50:52

Um, it was kind of weird when one of them I'm not gonna take your front line.

SPEAKER_08 51:00

Taking your taking your worm medicine.

SPEAKER_10 51:02

My worm medicine? Oh, I knew I forgot something at the pharmacy from when we left from when we left the original plan.

SPEAKER_01 51:10

It's good that you reminded me of this place. Would be unfortunate if we were to exit hyperspace and end up in the jaws of some giant creature, so perhaps it would be prudent for us to uh enter the nebula from without. Okay.

SPEAKER_11 51:23

Isn't that the only way to enter anything from without? You can't enter something.

SPEAKER_01 51:27

No, the uh Typhonic Nebula is uh a popular series of coordinates when uh people have to do light speed skipping. One of those things that you put in there. Not hard to get to, but it's hard to get out of if you end up in the wrong spot.

SPEAKER_11 51:43

Okay. So how would we get there then?

SPEAKER_01 51:48

Well, we could plot a course outside the nebula and fly in.

SPEAKER_11 51:51

I see. So not just like jump directly in, like go outside and then like shoo me shimmy shoop.

SPEAKER_10 51:57

Yeah.

SPEAKER_11 51:57

I understand. Okay.

SPEAKER_10 51:59

You know, just like salt and peppa do.

SPEAKER_11 52:00

Shimmy shimmy shoop. I mean, that's probably fine anyways, because then we can have our sales up when we're going in, and then we can't be detected anyhow. Right? Luna, Pierce, Maz, right? I I you know.

SPEAKER_01 52:13

Maz comes out wh wiping her hands and she says, yeah, yeah, sure, whatever. Sales, yeah. Oh yeah, right, stealth systems. Ha ha! We'll be good. So once we get there though. What the fuck just happened?

SPEAKER_11 52:24

Do we need do you need me to like throw that guy outside? Or should we wait till we're in orbit?

SPEAKER_01 52:29

Uh, we should probably wait.

SPEAKER_11 52:31

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 52:32

But uh, so once we actually get there, what do you think we should do? Should we like sneak up on the ship? Should we go on guns? W I mean we don't have any guns really.

SPEAKER_11 52:40

We just like sneak. We can be subtle. Right?

SPEAKER_01 52:45

I'm very subtle. Oh fuck. Oh fuck! What? He said that the blades were after him. Oh fuck, I shouldn't have drowned him.

SPEAKER_11 52:53

Well, I thought you had everything you needed. Why were you drowning him if there is mass?

SPEAKER_01 52:58

Well, I just thought about it. Okay, no, we can save it. We can save this. We pretend his corpse is still alive. And we say that we have we've brought him to Zolfikar as a tribute, but we need to pretend that he's still not dead, that I didn't drown him.

SPEAKER_10 53:16

Yes, yes, can my my deception skills have never been more needed.

SPEAKER_02 53:21

Oh my god, Rombius cast a spell on him and we'll play music and he'll do a little dance. Weekend at Berneath episode, yeah!

SPEAKER_11 53:32

Wait, does does Rhombius do Rombius' mouth powers work like that? I can just hold him up from behind. Yeah, that's what they did in the first place.

SPEAKER_08 53:40

I'm a uh I'm a reanimator.

SPEAKER_02 53:42

No, we can do weekend that Burnie's won this time. Sorry, sorry, Mario.

SPEAKER_10 53:49

That one's the less exciting one because there's less music involved for sure.

SPEAKER_02 53:52

It doesn't have the island vibe.

SPEAKER_08 53:55

Al can use his uh costume to turn bright green so he doesn't appear on the green screen behind him.

SPEAKER_11 54:03

Oh my god, I guess like Al could just make himself look like him, and then Meyer could like, if we have him on a screen, like Meyer could just crouch underneath and use her voice box to imitate his voice.

SPEAKER_02 54:15

Or we could put a hole in his head, you put your hand in the head and use him like a puppet from behind.

SPEAKER_11 54:21

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_10 54:22

Oh my god. Can I can I look at her with like um both both shock and respect?

SPEAKER_02 54:30

I'm just problem solving.

SPEAKER_10 54:32

No, choose one.

SPEAKER_11 54:36

You can be shocked or respectful.

SPEAKER_10 54:39

There is no in between.

SPEAKER_02 54:42

What his head looks like a rubber mask, anyways. I mean, it's true.

SPEAKER_11 54:46

I mean, so does he like excuse you. Excuse you. I'll have you know, I have a beautiful smile. Not that you would ever get to see it.

SPEAKER_01 54:57

I think I think a Nemoidean might be too similar for Al's uh disguised to actually be able to replicate, though. Might be too similar or different. Or it might be might be too different. Might be different. So I guess I guess we could only do weekend at Bernies. Yeah, because you could do like a human species, like a like a chis or something, but like uh yeah, no, a rubber mask alien is beyond the capability of this technology because it's just like the plates. Okay.

SPEAKER_02 55:23

Can we get a rubber mask? Gotta put it.

SPEAKER_01 55:25

Well you can cut off his fucking face and wear it if you want.

SPEAKER_02 55:27

Yeah. Oh my god.

SPEAKER_01 55:28

You can take his face off.

SPEAKER_02 55:31

Why is your face leaking?

SPEAKER_08 55:34

Uh it's a medical issue. That's perfect for Al. He's used to having those kinds of excuses.

SPEAKER_01 55:40

If you are gonna take his face off, then Meyer could presumably be wearing the mask and do the voice at the same time.

SPEAKER_02 55:47

You know what? Let's just weekend at Bernie that.

SPEAKER_11 55:49

Oh yeah, it was all it was all fun ideas when it was Al who was gonna have to wear the face.

SPEAKER_02 55:55

That's Al work.

SPEAKER_10 55:59

If any if anything, should one of us be should one of us be on one side of him and then uh the other one of us be on the other side of him and just sort of like dance him around like a marionette? But we're bodyguards.

SPEAKER_11 56:11

I'll hold up the body itself to keep him upright, and then one of you on each side controls one of his arms to make it look like he's gesticulating a lot when he's talking.

SPEAKER_02 56:22

Well, he was looking sickly before, so we can also be like put him in a wheelchair. It's like he's talking really quiet, and we have to relay the messages he's saying to us.

SPEAKER_11 56:31

Oh my god. No, okay, I'll hold up the torso, okay? Al and Rombius, you both take an arm, and then Meyer, we do your idea of cutting a hole in the back of the skull, you puppeteer's mouth. Why provide you then you're providing the voice so you can track it with your own words.

SPEAKER_02 56:48

Uh, why are you guys all standing so close together? Alright, let's start cutting all. Who has a universal cutting tool?

SPEAKER_11 57:01

It might be best so it cauterizes. Bless Goopy.

SPEAKER_10 57:05

One second.

SPEAKER_02 57:06

Sorry, guys, you have to use your beautiful bathtub to drain this guy.

SPEAKER_01 57:12

Oh, don't worry, it's had worse.

SPEAKER_02 57:14

When? Has it?

SPEAKER_01 57:15

You're not around all the time. What the fuck are you doing? You know what, never mind. You don't want to know what we had to put in that bathtub when you went off to Koraban.

SPEAKER_11 57:24

Was it cum?

SPEAKER_01 57:25

Was it cum? Among other things, yes.

SPEAKER_11 57:27

What were the other things?

SPEAKER_01 57:29

What did you mix with the cum? Well, let's just say that we had to medically accelerate something to get it out of Zephyr.

SPEAKER_11 57:37

Wait, did Zephyr have a baby?

SPEAKER_01 57:39

No, he didn't, thanks to us and our quick thinking.

SPEAKER_02 57:44

Do you have an abortion in that time?

SPEAKER_11 57:48

How you know what? I don't need to know how human biology works. I'm just gonna we're we're leaving that alone. God, why don't you guys just lay eggs? It's so much less gross.

SPEAKER_01 57:59

You don't even know how my species reproduces, do you?

SPEAKER_10 58:02

You're actually kind of right. Uh laying eggs is kind of less gross. Uh, what is your species, Maz? Let's change the subject.

SPEAKER_11 58:11

Oh, okay. So I'm supposed to know about your species and you won't even tell me what you are. Okay, I get it. I get it. I gotcha.

SPEAKER_01 58:17

Look, I just don't want any funny business, okay?

SPEAKER_11 58:19

Right, so the opposite of funny.

SPEAKER_01 58:22

I don't want you to like, if you start asking questions, and then maybe uh it's like, oh, did you hear about Maz's species? Apparently they're immortal. They never die, they can only be killed. And then I have to worry about who I'm sleeping with at night if they have a knife at my back.

SPEAKER_11 58:38

Wait, are you immortal?

SPEAKER_01 58:39

Huh? No, I didn't say anything. That's how you're gonna do it.

SPEAKER_11 58:41

I think you're just like very long-lived.

SPEAKER_04 58:43

That was very casual.

SPEAKER_11 58:44

Well, okay, because if you're like immortal, then I assume that like you barely reproduce. Like, you because like otherwise you guys would just like overrun the galaxy. You know what? It doesn't matter. None of this matters. Let's cut a hole in this guy's head. Let's get to work. Come on.

SPEAKER_01 59:00

So, uh, yeah, you could cut a hole in this guy's head as Pierce sets a course to the Typhonic Nebula.

SPEAKER_10 59:06

Yeah, you know it'd be amazing if one of us had to roll coordination to cut a hole in this guy's head.

SPEAKER_01 59:12

Hey, Al, why don't you roll coordination to cut a hole in this guy's head? Why do you do these things, Al?

SPEAKER_09 59:18

Because that's uh, it's real bad.

SPEAKER_02 59:24

I have I have two yellow, white, and green.

SPEAKER_10 59:27

It's it's actually not that bad, so but it's it is is still yours is still better, so.

SPEAKER_01 59:32

And are you using uh lightsaber to get the cleanest cut?

SPEAKER_02 59:36

Would I have to use the lightsaber?

SPEAKER_01 59:38

Well, it it's it caught itself cauterizes.

SPEAKER_02 59:40

Or like, would I have to roll lightsaber?

SPEAKER_01 59:42

Um it could be coordination since it's not a combat rule.

SPEAKER_02 59:45

Coordination, baby.

SPEAKER_01 59:47

Uh so uh this is gonna be average. You're not under any sort of time pressure, but you could fuck it up. So gonna give you a destiny point in case you do fuck it up. So that'll be a red and a purple. And because you're probably not proficient with a lightsaber, we'll add two blacks.

SPEAKER_11 1:00:05

Oh, hell, what if I did? Because I can take away two blacks. I have like a yellow and two green, but I can also take a straight upgrade. Okay. Um, but you either wait. Give me that lightsaber. I'll just pass it around the lightsaber. Give me that. Give me the damn lightsaber.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:18

Yeah, Vanry, you also uh dropped out before they got to lightsaber, so you were also not proficient.

SPEAKER_11 1:00:24

That's fine. I can take away the two blacks. Sorry, what was that role gonna be?

SPEAKER_01 1:00:29

Uh so it is going to be a red and a purple and two blacks.

SPEAKER_11 1:00:34

Okay, and I'll take straight upgrade. One success, one advantage. It's fine.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:39

You can make a clean cut.

SPEAKER_11 1:00:42

Fits Meyer's little hand perfectly.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:44

Deglove any part of him you want to.

SPEAKER_11 1:00:47

Yeah, well just, you know, open up a little pocket behind his jaw so Meyer's hand can fit in there. It's fine.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:54

Are you gonna are you gonna make her hold the dentures?

SPEAKER_03 1:00:56

Ugh.

SPEAKER_11 1:00:57

Oh yeah, the denture. Oh my god, the dentures, that's such a good thing.

SPEAKER_10 1:01:03

I mean, yeah, we get to keep them afterwards so we can sell them.

SPEAKER_11 1:01:07

Yeah, it gives some structure to his face at least, Meyer. Look on the bright side. Okay. Okay.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:12

Put your hand on the back of his head and then go. Howdy, howdy, howdy. Um whate onyx whatever my name was. Chubb.

SPEAKER_01 1:01:27

Bring up some fucking space Jeff Dunham.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:30

Oh. God, it's taking everything I mean it not to. Fucking don't do it.

SPEAKER_01 1:01:35

Don't do it.

SPEAKER_10 1:01:36

Don't do it.

SPEAKER_11 1:01:37

I know who you're thinking about. Don't do it. Amy, don't do it.

SPEAKER_10 1:01:41

Don't do it, or I kill you. Oh fuck!

SPEAKER_11 1:01:46

Jesus fucking Christ.

SPEAKER_01 1:01:49

Meyer, why don't you give roll me a uh three purple discipline to not do noidean voice?

SPEAKER_11 1:01:58

Three purple discipline?

SPEAKER_01 1:02:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_11 1:02:02

Uh-oh, she is white. It is so tempting.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:06

Free threat.

SPEAKER_01 1:02:07

Unfortunately. Meyer, uh, you maybe you weren't paying attention to how this guy talked. So you must do Nemoidean voice.

SPEAKER_11 1:02:18

Oh my god. No! Don't make her do it!

SPEAKER_01 1:02:21

Speak as little as possible. I am for you.

SPEAKER_11 1:02:31

I'm sorry, Amy. You must be racist. She has the dice. That's what the dice have told us.

SPEAKER_10 1:02:38

That's what the dice have told us. You must be racist. Let's go.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:41

I'm Bubby's mother. I'm Bubby Mom.

SPEAKER_01 1:02:45

Whatever whatever Nemoidean voice means to Meyer, that's that's the way she'll make him talk.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:52

I'm just gonna sing I want to be Nemoidian.

SPEAKER_11 1:02:57

Anyway, so we're on our way to the Nebula and we're practicing our act.

SPEAKER_02 1:03:02

Moshi Moshi Baska.

SPEAKER_08 1:03:04

The Aristocrats. Four Empire Wreckers and a corpse walk into a Taljant's office.

SPEAKER_02 1:03:13

Well, there's already a hole in the back of his head, so.

SPEAKER_09 1:03:18

Yeah, so you can uh say the aristocrats.

SPEAKER_01 1:03:27

Just beyond the edge of the Typhonic Nebula. As seen in Star Wars, the rise of Skywalker. Ooh.

SPEAKER_11 1:03:35

Oh, where all our favorite things are from.

SPEAKER_01 1:03:37

Yeah. Especially cloud. Yeah, the green the green clouds stretch on seemingly infinitely before you. Your sensors cannot pick up anything from within, so if you hope to uh find this ship's exact location, you'll have to get close enough and use your peepers.

SPEAKER_11 1:03:55

Ooh, jeepers, creepers. Let's use our peepers.

SPEAKER_10 1:03:59

Let's use our eyes.

SPEAKER_11 1:04:01

Okay, I assume Luna's gonna take us in so we can scan about with our peepers.

SPEAKER_01 1:04:06

Yeah, does somebody want to uh copilot? I can copilot. Give me uh two purple piloting. Well, fine then. Three success. So that means that Luna three success as well.

SPEAKER_11 1:04:18

Yay!

SPEAKER_01 1:04:18

So you won't have to worry about any monsters as you uh sail through the clouds. And it it is kind of hard to see what's going on. So the perception rule to uh look out the windows and try and see what's going on is gonna be fairly difficult. It is quite cloudy. So that is going to add two blacks. And although looking out the window isn't that hard, you may still get surprised. So I'm gonna give you a destiny point. That'll be a red, a purple, and two blacks.

SPEAKER_11 1:04:44

Red, purple, two blacks for perception.

SPEAKER_01 1:04:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_11 1:04:48

I will take a strained upgrade.

SPEAKER_10 1:04:50

Red, purple, two blacks.

SPEAKER_11 1:04:52

I got one failure, but one triumph.

SPEAKER_10 1:04:55

I got three success and two threat. Ooh.

SPEAKER_08 1:05:00

I got one success and two threat.

SPEAKER_02 1:05:04

Four advantage and uh failure and a despair.

SPEAKER_08 1:05:08

God damn it, Meyer. At least you didn't do the voice this time.

SPEAKER_10 1:05:12

Uh she uh she was happy.

SPEAKER_08 1:05:14

It was a different voice. It was a different voice.

SPEAKER_01 1:05:17

So, Al and Rhombius, you can see a shape in the clouds. Uh, it appears to be a large flat disc shape, presumably the Price of Honor, Zolphakar's ship. And as you kind of catch a glimpse of it and are about to tell the crew where it is, um, Meyer, you notice something coming out of the mist behind you.

SPEAKER_03 1:05:44

Uh-oh.

SPEAKER_01 1:05:44

Two somethings coming out of the mist behind you. Uh, you can identify them as more fucking pirate ships. He's not alone. With those advantage, uh, you can warn uh the others before they have a chance to open fire. Vanry. You got uh you got that triumph?

SPEAKER_11 1:06:03

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 1:06:04

So you can see, you know, just kind of swirling around out there. Some kind of big fucking monster that may be hungry for pirate ships. Ooh. Maybe able to lure it in some capacity.

SPEAKER_11 1:06:16

Oh yeah. Um yeah, because we don't have any like gun guns.

SPEAKER_01 1:06:21

Yeah, you have ion weapons, but.

SPEAKER_11 1:06:23

Could would would Dewan be able to fire one of the ion weapons, like, near the worm, like not or near the monster, not to hurt it, but just to kind of draw its attention.

SPEAKER_01 1:06:32

Yeah, he can hop in the gun turret and start firing in the worm. The worm starts trailing the pirate ships which are trailing you.

SPEAKER_11 1:06:40

So we just have to outrun the pirates.

SPEAKER_01 1:06:43

Yeah, and uh Meyer, if you warn the rest of the crew, Maz can pull down the fucking periscope and she turns it around to see what's behind, and she says, That fucker!

SPEAKER_11 1:06:52

Which fucker?

SPEAKER_01 1:06:53

One of those ships is the oldest profession.

SPEAKER_11 1:06:58

Well, the ones who killed her uncle! Uh.

SPEAKER_01 1:07:01

Right? The other one I don't recognize. Uh, but it looks like it's uh former Republic military painted in pirate colors. I would prefer if my uncle's ship did not get destroyed.

SPEAKER_11 1:07:12

We will do our best, but we cannot control the monster.

SPEAKER_01 1:07:17

Well, that's uh okay.

SPEAKER_11 1:07:18

It is okay, isn't it? So everything is okay.

SPEAKER_01 1:07:21

So if you want to outrun this thing, uh, Al, you'll probably have to do some uh copiloting. Can do? So since there is a monster chasing you, gonna give you another destiny point. We'll call that a red and a purple.

SPEAKER_10 1:07:31

Red and a purple, uh copilot. Let's see. Uh let's just clear it. Red and purple. Uh, an advantage and a triumph, no success.

SPEAKER_01 1:07:40

Ooh, okay, so we'll say Luna can upgrade that. Um what does she do? A success for advantages and a despair.

SPEAKER_11 1:07:50

God damn Luna!

SPEAKER_10 1:07:51

Oh no! I gave you a fucking triumph!

SPEAKER_01 1:07:56

She turned it around. How dare you! So she got success and advantage. You do definitely outrun uh the two pirate ships, allowing the worm to devour them both.

SPEAKER_11 1:08:10

Hey.

SPEAKER_01 1:08:12

What did I fucking say? What did I fucking say? Do not let my uncle's ship get destroyed. Do not let it get destroyed.

SPEAKER_11 1:08:18

She yelling at Luna.

SPEAKER_01 1:08:19

Yeah. Luna, you're off. You're a fucking go time out. Al, you're the pilot now.

SPEAKER_10 1:08:24

Aye aye, Captain. I'm sorry, Luna. Hopefully uh things will work out a little bit better next time. Ah, I was looking for an excuse to go rub one out anyway.

SPEAKER_11 1:08:34

Okay.

SPEAKER_10 1:08:35

I I I'm just I'm just kind of like in a in a state of like, it takes me like five seconds to understand to actually process what she just said. Wait, what?

SPEAKER_01 1:08:45

And as she goes up behind you and she puts like a hand on your shoulder and she says, Okay, take us in.

SPEAKER_10 1:08:51

I have a weird thing about uh okay, I have a and uh I don't say I have a weird thing about being touched, but I have a weird thing about being touched, so I just go in.

SPEAKER_01 1:09:01

So uh you're alone in the chair, so this is going to again there are monsters, give you a destiny point. Uh no co-pilot to help you, so we'll call this a red and two purple piloting to bring it around towards Zolficar's vessel. Okay, how many destiny points do we got? You have five.

SPEAKER_10 1:09:19

I'm gonna flip I'm gonna definitely flip one motherfucker. Uh two failures, but two advantages.

SPEAKER_01 1:09:26

So you're used to being in the co-pilot, you're used to not having this much pressure on your own. So it's like you're sitting behind like Luna's chair has a lot more buttons and levers than you're used to. So, like, you're sitting there trying to like figure out what to do, and like Maz is like tapping her foot behind you, like you can tell she's like burning. She's she's pretty fucking pissed that this ship her uncle's.

SPEAKER_10 1:09:52

Not for nothing, I I I I would feel better if I weren't feeling you breathing over my ear.

SPEAKER_08 1:10:02

That is not the ASMR content.

SPEAKER_01 1:10:05

But uh you did get those advantages, so to save you from Maz's wrath, you do get a hail from the Price of Honor. Uh hello, how are you? And this uh pirate. I don't know if you would know what this pirate is. Answers. What species? Can I roll something? Yeah, give me a give me a knowledge Xenology.

SPEAKER_10 1:10:26

Xenology? What kind of knowledge Xenology?

SPEAKER_01 1:10:28

Uh, this would probably be three purple. One, two, three purple.

SPEAKER_10 1:10:33

Uh, two success and three threat.

SPEAKER_01 1:10:36

You've uh heard of this type of creature before. Um, unfortunately, this guy's probably like on the bridge of the ship near uh the captain. So it seems like you'll have to kind of go through him to get to the captain. And you've heard of these creatures before. Uh he is a sawvax. A giant, uh, six-legged fucking musk- you know the crab from SpongeBob SquarePants, like the lobster guy?

unknown 1:11:03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:11:05

Uh he's that guy with like six fucking giant muscular crab legs on top of his huge muscular arms and fucking snippers.

SPEAKER_10 1:11:14

I'm not intimidated.

SPEAKER_11 1:11:16

It's fine.

SPEAKER_10 1:11:17

And he says, Who calls? Uh, you called us, actually. Funny story.

SPEAKER_01 1:11:24

Perfectly correct. Sorry, let me start over. Who goes there?

SPEAKER_10 1:11:29

That's better. Um, uh, what wait, what what was our what was our uh uh story again?

SPEAKER_11 1:11:35

Oh, we have the bitch. We have uh fucking Onyx Chub, and like, okay, Meyer, get ready, get ready, we're gonna do the puppeting act.

SPEAKER_10 1:11:41

Hey, let's- uh we got on we got onyx- we're transporting onyx chub here. Uh we're here to make sure that uh we're here to make sure that everything goes swimmingly.

SPEAKER_02 1:11:52

Hero, y'all.

SPEAKER_01 1:11:55

Oh no. That's Chubb back there.

SPEAKER_11 1:12:00

I'll bounce him.

SPEAKER_10 1:12:01

Yes, yeah. Sounds like Chubb. It's totally Chubb. He's he's got laryngitis. Um so uh it's gonna be a little bit weird, but uh yeah, we got Chubb here. Say hi, Chubb. Moshi Moshi Neska.

SPEAKER_01 1:12:21

Oh no. Uh so you're gonna have to deceive him. You are over the uh over the hollow and stuff, so you're not gonna have too many. It's not gonna You're gonna be just a basic role. You're not gonna be penalized yet for this uh act that you're doing.

SPEAKER_10 1:12:40

Can I give her like uh uh help with the role because of like I set her up so well? Uh it'll be a two-purple deception.

SPEAKER_02 1:12:48

One success.

SPEAKER_01 1:12:49

And he narrows his lobstery eyes and he says, uh, shub. The captain would be happy to take him off your hands for you. What do you expect? Some kind of a bounty?

SPEAKER_10 1:13:00

I mean, do you have one?

SPEAKER_01 1:13:02

We could possibly see fit to giving you recompense. We don't recognize the flag you are flying. To what clan do you hail?

SPEAKER_10 1:13:12

Um, oh, we're we're we're a new we're a new. We're we're uh we're so stupid. We're so fucking stupid.

SPEAKER_11 1:13:24

Man, I was trying to be like, okay, what's like another innuendo-e name that we could give our ship to be like, oh, this is our fake name, and I'm like, ah, the rough ride, and then I'm like, no, that's the football team. We're the rough riders.

SPEAKER_10 1:13:40

You know, the Saskatchewan Rough Riders.

SPEAKER_02 1:13:48

We can be the itchy i the itchy ibis. The itchy ibis. Yeah.

SPEAKER_10 1:13:56

Uh sorry, the the the shi the ship is uh actually called the uh uh the uh uh flashy tit.

SPEAKER_01 1:14:06

I'm not familiar with that vessel.

SPEAKER_10 1:14:08

Oh, it's brand new. I created it with my own two hands.

SPEAKER_01 1:14:12

But we have heard tell of a Hilfer Jedi Star Galleon causing trouble for Blades of Glee pirates!

SPEAKER_10 1:14:24

Onyx, don't you have something to say? I'll shake him. I'll shake him like he's upset.

SPEAKER_01 1:14:31

How does your crew feel about decapitation?

SPEAKER_11 1:14:34

It's pretty rad. I'll shake Onyx's head. No.

SPEAKER_08 1:14:39

Well. Wait, who's supposed to do the voice?

SPEAKER_11 1:14:42

He be silent right now. Don't make Meyer do it again.

SPEAKER_01 1:14:46

Captain Zulfakar does have a grudge against Chubb and would like to exact his revenge for his escape. So why don't you come aboard and bring him to the captain? But I warn you, he does not like comedians. So no funny business.

SPEAKER_10 1:15:07

Everybody thinks that we're funnier than we are. What is happening today?

SPEAKER_01 1:15:11

I don't find you particularly amusing.

SPEAKER_11 1:15:14

Neither do we. I didn't say that, I'm behind the body.

SPEAKER_01 1:15:17

Among my people, we have a hilarious joke.

SPEAKER_10 1:15:20

Can we can we hear it?

SPEAKER_01 1:15:22

It would be too funny for you, you would not be able to withstand it.

SPEAKER_10 1:15:26

Now I have to hear it now.

SPEAKER_01 1:15:29

Very well. Prepare yourselves for comedy.

SPEAKER_08 1:15:33

Okay.

SPEAKER_11 1:15:41

What the fuck is that?

SPEAKER_05 1:15:44

That is the joke.

SPEAKER_09 1:15:46

Honestly, I get it. That's it's pretty it's pretty good, actually. Hilarious. I gotta get out of the room, you guys.

SPEAKER_02 1:16:09

Y'all uh rub robster jokes.

SPEAKER_01 1:16:13

Oh dear lord. Your senses of humor are suspicious. I told you, no funny business. Your laughter is proving to me that maybe you are not to be trusted. You will dock in our ship, but you will be under strict surveillance.

SPEAKER_10 1:16:28

This guy this guy can't be pleased. I'll tell you the funniest joke of all time. How dare you laugh at it? It's not funny.

SPEAKER_01 1:16:38

Await me in the docking bay.

SPEAKER_11 1:16:41

Okay, so like when this guy, when we go to the docking bay, do we just like throw the body at this guy and then like start killing?

SPEAKER_02 1:16:47

Is there any reason not to?

SPEAKER_11 1:16:49

I don't think so. I mean there might be a lot of people, but like we've killed lots of people before. We have a big crew.

SPEAKER_02 1:16:54

Oh yeah, we'd be fine. We got a mute shield.

SPEAKER_11 1:16:56

Yeah. We would have a bigger crew if Maz hadn't done something, but you know.

SPEAKER_02 1:17:03

Oh my god, let's like get up close and hope nobody thieves that I'm behind him, and then like we get face to face with the boss, and then I like stab my sword through the back of his head into the the out of his mouth and into the the captain's head.

SPEAKER_11 1:17:22

How big is this guy? Could his mask conceal both me and Meyer shuffling around behind him?

SPEAKER_01 1:17:30

Uh the the sickly dead Nemoidean. Uh somehow I don't think so.

SPEAKER_11 1:17:36

Okay, never mind. Unless you do want to skin him and crawl inside. Nah.

unknown 1:17:42

Nah.

SPEAKER_02 1:17:42

But then I can't do the sword through the mouth thing, so you know.

SPEAKER_11 1:17:46

It's true. Well, he's probably taller than you. You could like reach up.

SPEAKER_10 1:17:49

You got a lot of shit happening all at once.

SPEAKER_02 1:17:51

Hold him for a second, and I'll just like do it to see how cool it looks. Okay, I got him. Alright. I put my sword through his the back of his head, through his mouth.

SPEAKER_10 1:18:00

Yeah, it looks pretty cool. Is it cool? Is it cool as fuck? Are you so happy right now?

SPEAKER_02 1:18:04

But like imagine if that stabbed someone.

SPEAKER_01 1:18:06

Like, it looks pretty cool, but it seems like it's it'll be the kind of thing that's hard to do.

SPEAKER_02 1:18:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_10 1:18:11

Could could you replace his spine with the lightsaber so that you could pop it out of his spine and then put and then like put the lightsaber through when it's time?

SPEAKER_02 1:18:21

Through what?

SPEAKER_10 1:18:22

Through his mouth.

SPEAKER_02 1:18:23

I Yeah. Not as cool as Bestkar, you know.

SPEAKER_10 1:18:27

God, I miss my.

SPEAKER_11 1:18:28

Are you gonna say you miss your garage wire? Like, garat wires are not that rare now. You can get one whenever you want. I can't bust you.

SPEAKER_10 1:18:35

Yeah, but it wasn't yeah, but all the ones that I have gotten ever since have been unbreakable. Or no, sorry. All all of them have all of them have been breakable before, and I'm pretty sure ever since. I will never get one that just smooth that's smooth like butter, like the Beskar one.

SPEAKER_11 1:18:52

Like, you know what the beauty of garat wires is, is they're so fucking common, you can just keep buying them. They're like what, 10 credits?

SPEAKER_10 1:19:01

Oh what, and I'm supposed to just hang hang 10 garat wires in my belt and have them break every time.

SPEAKER_02 1:19:08

Let's kill these guys, and then you can like take the garage wire when we loot them.

SPEAKER_11 1:19:13

They're literally like 50 credits, Al. You can have two.

SPEAKER_10 1:19:17

Yeah, but it's not made of best garb. And we keep go- and and I keep walking away.

SPEAKER_02 1:19:25

I I I go with the guy's fucking puppet head.

SPEAKER_01 1:19:36

So, Al, are you walking away? I'm walking away. Okay, who's piloting the ship into the uh Oh shit, come back. I'm like, oh yeah, I knew I forgot something. I I land the ship. You can you can sheepishly return and pull the ship into the uh hangar bay.

SPEAKER_10 1:19:56

I come in slowly, I need to land the ship or we all die.

SPEAKER_01 1:19:59

Alright, roll me a piloting. Okay. What kind of piloting? You need to look like you know what you're doing, so we'll give you a destiny point. Um we'll call it a red, a purple, and a black.

SPEAKER_10 1:20:10

Red, purple, and a black piloting.

SPEAKER_01 1:20:13

One success. You can you can land the ship. Uh it looks like you know what you're doing. Hell yeah. As expected, uh, there are a group of pirates that have come to meet you. Uh the crab man among them. He's armed with a uh powerful looking electrified spear. As you uh, I guess bring the Nemoidean out of the ship. Uh you can see that this crabman. How good are we marionetting that guy? Well, we'll find out. This crab man, once you once you get to see him, though, he's about four foot nine.

SPEAKER_11 1:20:51

Oh, he's just a little guy.

SPEAKER_10 1:20:54

That big powerful uh zappy stick is just making up for something.

SPEAKER_11 1:20:59

He's a little guy. He'd be so easy to step on.

SPEAKER_01 1:21:02

So why don't you give me a uh skullduggery to uh puppeteer this dead Nemoidean?

SPEAKER_10 1:21:09

All of us, or all of us, or or uh yeah, just like me and whoever's whoever's puppeteering him.

SPEAKER_11 1:21:15

Because I'm holding him and Meyer's controlling him. I I'm just keeping him upright.

SPEAKER_10 1:21:20

Okay, so I got I got an arm, so I don't know if it's.

SPEAKER_01 1:21:23

This would probably be a combined role with Vanry and Meyer. Okay. So this'll be a skullduggery.

SPEAKER_03 1:21:30

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 1:21:30

Uh so you can use one of your cunning and one of your ranks, or uh one of you can just provide assistance.

SPEAKER_11 1:21:36

How would I just give you a blue Meyer? I know yet your skullduggery is actually good. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:21:42

And it'll be against this guy's uh perception to notice. So that'll be against two purple. Since you are puppeteering him now, like up close, that'll also add a black.

SPEAKER_02 1:21:53

Oh, I can take away black. And I get a blue?

SPEAKER_01 1:21:55

Yeah, from Vanry.

SPEAKER_02 1:21:57

Five success? One threat. Hell yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:22:01

He doesn't notice. But you can tell that like a couple of the other pirates are like, wait, is something that looks weird. Why are his eyes rolled back into his head?

SPEAKER_11 1:22:10

Why is there a hole in the back of his neck where a sword came through? Yeah.

SPEAKER_10 1:22:14

It looks a little uh Oh, sir, you forgot your sunglasses.

SPEAKER_02 1:22:18

Um just for Oh, I can't even do the southern accent anymore. I'm tired.

SPEAKER_10 1:22:25

You gotta you gotta make it a little bit more pneumotican.

SPEAKER_11 1:22:28

Stop trying to make her do that voice! Our podcast even isn't even that popular, and you're gonna get us cancelled.

SPEAKER_01 1:22:37

And this crab man he says, so, Onyx Chub, you've returned at last. You think that you're some hot shit, huh? You think that you can keep us locked up in your menagerie and get away with it? Well, I don't think so. What do you have to say for yourself? Yep.

SPEAKER_11 1:22:54

Meyer, do the sword, do the sword, get him, do the sword! Are we close enough?

SPEAKER_01 1:22:58

Uh yeah, he's like going up. He's like poking Chub with his big lobster claw.

SPEAKER_11 1:23:05

I'll like lean him forward so his head's kind of pointing down, and then you do the sword.

SPEAKER_02 1:23:10

All I gotta say is say hero to my little friend, and I stab him with my sword through the mouth.

SPEAKER_10 1:23:19

That's the last thing he's ever heard that he ever hears.

SPEAKER_01 1:23:23

Alright, so this guy's got uh adversary two, and his uh thick chitness armor gives him uh two points of melee defense. So that is gonna be against two reds, and we'll call it three blacks because you're having to like point it through the head as well.

unknown 1:23:39

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:23:40

Can I use uh quick strike?

SPEAKER_11 1:23:43

He hasn't acted.

SPEAKER_01 1:23:44

Yeah, this would be a quick strike thing.

SPEAKER_02 1:23:46

Well, I get an automatic advantage from my sword, so um three failure, one advantage. Oh god damn it.

SPEAKER_01 1:23:55

So it doesn't turn on.

SPEAKER_11 1:23:57

You can't even get the sword through.

SPEAKER_01 1:23:59

It's just Yeah, so with three failure and one advantage, you would probably have to still stick the sword through the mouth hole.

SPEAKER_02 1:24:07

It's my tongue.

SPEAKER_01 1:24:11

But with that one advantage, you can make him jump back in surprise. He's not expecting it. So he's out of engaged range with you guys. But he sees a sword sticking out of Chubb's throat.

SPEAKER_11 1:24:22

Can I throw the corpse at him?

SPEAKER_01 1:24:25

Yeah. And he says, It's a ruse! And the other pirates are like, yeah, we kind of figured it.

SPEAKER_10 1:24:33

Do you want this guy to lead to? Do you want this guy to lead you? This this man who doesn't pay attention to uh to anything uh notice a simple puppet.

SPEAKER_02 1:24:47

Right after we do this shitty thing.

SPEAKER_01 1:24:50

Follow us! What would it be to throw the corpse? Uh at him that would be like ranged heavy.

SPEAKER_11 1:24:56

Uh hell, ranged! Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:24:58

I guess, I guess. What would it be? Uh he's at short range, he's got adversary, he's got defense from his armor, so that would be uh red, a purple, and two blacks.

SPEAKER_11 1:25:09

Wait, okay, instead of that, would you allow it to be melee if I just grabbed him by his ankles and swayed him at him?

SPEAKER_01 1:25:17

Um, yeah, yeah, that would be an improvised weapon. Swang him!

SPEAKER_11 1:25:22

Swang him! Make that big bulba's head explode! Would be for swangin'.

SPEAKER_01 1:25:28

Uh, that would be against two reds and two blacks.

SPEAKER_11 1:25:33

Well, I'll take a strained upgrade so I get another yellow. Uh, three success, three advantage, three light side, and two dark side. Cause let me just see here. Cause I do still have control, failure success, and threat advantage. If I do ab, I can use those two dark sides just so this guy gets two failure on his next roll.

SPEAKER_01 1:25:55

Um, yeah.

SPEAKER_11 1:25:56

Yeah. So I'll do that. He has to take two failures next time.

SPEAKER_01 1:26:00

The dead Nemoidean splatters across his uh lobster exoskeleton. Doesn't do a lot of damage to him.

SPEAKER_11 1:26:10

Ugh, man.

SPEAKER_01 1:26:12

But he uh will get those failure on his roll.

SPEAKER_11 1:26:14

And he says, Come here, you throw I'm throwing him off his rhythm.

SPEAKER_01 1:26:19

So he's going to uh try and attack you with his pincing piercers.

SPEAKER_11 1:26:24

I dodge.

SPEAKER_01 1:26:24

And his piercing pincers. You dodge, that upgrades, and you have defense.

SPEAKER_11 1:26:30

Uh one melee, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:26:31

So he gets five success and three threats. That becomes three success in three threats.

SPEAKER_11 1:26:36

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 1:26:37

His uh piercing pincers have pierce four.

SPEAKER_11 1:26:42

So how much wound is that?

SPEAKER_01 1:26:43

Uh eight before your soak.

SPEAKER_11 1:26:45

Okay, bitch, okay, hang on. I've been wanting to use this ability so much, and I haven't been able to. I have mind bleed. So when attacked, I can choose to suffer strain no greater than the number of wounds suffered from the attack, and if I do, then the attacker suffers a number of wounds equal to the strain suffered by the character. How much did you say that was? Five?

SPEAKER_01 1:27:10

One after your soak.

SPEAKER_11 1:27:11

What? You know what? I can do it whenever, so I'll take one strain, and he can get a wound too. Fuck you. I I was just, it's been every single time I get attacked, I'm like, let me get a wound. I wanna use it, I never gotta use it, and this time I gotta use it.

SPEAKER_01 1:27:29

Yeah. So he can you can share the pain, you can share the load with him. Take some strain. So now he's slightly more damage than you.

SPEAKER_11 1:27:40

Yeah, got him.

SPEAKER_01 1:27:41

Is it is it just him or does he have like a crew of people? Uh there are ten uh pirate crewmates in the docking bay. They're split off into two different minion groups of five.

SPEAKER_10 1:27:52

Uh I'm gonna I'm gonna shoot at the main guy with with my disruptor pistol.

SPEAKER_01 1:27:56

Okay, so he would be at short range. Uh he is in engagement. Range with Vanry, so you'll have to add two blacks to avoid shooting her. Okay. Or I mean, you those just might make you shoot her, we'll see. Uh so he's got two points of range defense from his armor, and he's got two points of uh adversary. So that will be a red, a purple, and four blacks. Motherfuck.

SPEAKER_10 1:28:19

How many destiny points do we got? Uh you have five. I'm gonna flip one. I got two success, but a threat. Ooh.

SPEAKER_01 1:28:27

So uh you can blast at him firing wildly, trying to get through his uh thick armor. And you can. Uh, but you sing Vanry. How many threat did you get? One. Okay, so Vanry, you take a point of wound as well.

SPEAKER_11 1:28:44

Man, what about my soak? I'm not gonna do my bleed on you either though I'm annoyed.

SPEAKER_01 1:28:50

It's threat-induced wound.

SPEAKER_11 1:28:51

But Dammit, Al! Well, well.

SPEAKER_08 1:28:55

Uh I will try and force slap the pirate leader. Okay. Am I close enough to do so?

SPEAKER_01 1:29:00

Well, he would be at short range from you. All the pirates would be at uh short range from you. Okay. Um Do you have do you have magnitude? Pop pop. Because you could you could attack him, or you could uh attack one of the minion groups and just fucking wipe out a bunch of them. Oh, that's right. Yeah, hold on a second. If you wanna if you want to roll it first and then see how you want to spend it, we can do it that way.

SPEAKER_08 1:29:23

Well, I did just roll it.

SPEAKER_01 1:29:24

Let's see. I got uh one dark side, three light side. Okay, if you want to uh spend a destiny and take three points of strain, that would give you four points to spend. I will do so. I have a new strain. So, um how many magnitude upgrades do you have? Three. Ooh, you have three magnitudes. Okay. So, uh you would need to spend one to activate the power, one to extend the range to short, and then the other two, you could activate the magnitude, get all three, to deal whatever damage you deal to four people in total. Um, so if you want to hit him, he can be one of them. Uh however, each of the minion groups has five people in it, so you could potentially almost totally knock out one of the minion groups.

SPEAKER_08 1:30:11

I'll do that then. As a demonstration of power.

SPEAKER_01 1:30:15

You can just shoot a look at one of these clusters of pirates and four of them just fucking drop dead.

SPEAKER_03 1:30:21

Jesus.

SPEAKER_01 1:30:22

The other minion group uh looks at that, um, and one of the pirates shout, They've got a ghost! Please, I am vampire.

SPEAKER_11 1:30:33

This is very offensive to my people.

SPEAKER_01 1:30:36

So this uh the surviving pirate, he's gonna join the other minion group, so they're gonna be one minion group of six instead of uh one of one and one of five. You should run away! We're ghosts! And and they're going to fire wildly. Just all around them. So what this means is uh they're gonna have a lot of uh it's gonna be a high roll, but if they hit, they're gonna hit all of you.

SPEAKER_11 1:31:02

Oh shit.

SPEAKER_01 1:31:03

Yeah. They're gonna be firing their blasters, uh, their range is medium, so that'll start as two purple. And they're blasting who knows where, so that's gonna add four blacks onto their roll. So they're gonna be rolling two purples and four blacks.

SPEAKER_08 1:31:19

Good luck.

SPEAKER_01 1:31:19

I mean they're-there are six of them, so they have five ranks of ranged heavy collectively, which means they're rolling with three yellow and two green. Two success and a threat, which means they also hit lobster man. Yeah. That's good. But each of you, uh, because they have blaster carbines, takes eleven points of wound before your soak. Before. Jesus Christ. Yeah.

SPEAKER_11 1:31:44

Mind bleed! I've taken four wounds from this attack. Can I take four strain and make them get four wounds? Ye.

SPEAKER_01 1:31:58

Yeah, and because you can take those four strain, and because they attacked as a minion group, I guess all of them would take four wound. Mind bleed! Which means each of them only has one point of wound left.

SPEAKER_11 1:32:16

One last person just can do a real stinky fart at them, and that'll be enough to take them the rest of the way out.

SPEAKER_01 1:32:22

Uh but the lobster man also uh takes that, and he's still near you, uh, Vanry, right? He knows what you did last time. Uh, so he's not gonna attack you. He's gonna use a maneuver to get into range. So he's going to brawl you, Rhombius. The weakest and most feeble. That yeah, they think there's a ghost. They don't know that you've done anything. The weird little thawk. Yeah. So he's gonna skitter scatter, let's get at her over to you, and he's gonna uh try and take you out. You have a point of manly defense from your your robe. Oh, four success, one threat in a triumph. So he has he can grab you and lock his big lobster arms around you and press his claw like around your head. And he says, Everybody stop, or the old man gets it. We keep going. But but because you didn't get that threat, he is touching you, Rhombius.

SPEAKER_08 1:33:16

Yeah. Sizzalum! I will smack him. Or I have to wait my turn. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:33:22

Um, no, that's the end of the round.

SPEAKER_08 1:33:25

Oh, then yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:33:26

You're up.

SPEAKER_10 1:33:26

Do it. Then deadass, do it.

SPEAKER_02 1:33:30

Can you only eat Jedi's? Can you eat this dude? He's a fucking monster. Delicious.

SPEAKER_08 1:33:37

Give me some butter sauce. Gets me the butter sauce. One dark side, two light side. Uh yeah, that is that is enough.

SPEAKER_01 1:33:45

You can lay hands on him, sizzling him through. It's smelling delicious in the hangar bay. The other pirates, uh, they see what's going on and they start running off towards the entrance of the hangar bay.

SPEAKER_11 1:33:59

Oh, what wimps.

SPEAKER_02 1:34:00

Um, it's actually bad form to microwave uh seafood at work.

SPEAKER_11 1:34:07

I mean, this is that guy's workplace, it's not ours. It's not ours. How many how many pirates are running away?

SPEAKER_01 1:34:14

Six.

SPEAKER_02 1:34:15

I have a gun.

SPEAKER_01 1:34:19

If you want to far strike them, you could probably hit them.

SPEAKER_11 1:34:21

Yeah, maybe.

SPEAKER_01 1:34:22

Because they they each only have one point of wound left.

SPEAKER_11 1:34:25

Just try to do a roundhouse kick and see how many I can take out. Yeah. Sorry, we're gonna do this and then I'll let you shoot Meyer.

SPEAKER_01 1:34:31

I mean, don't shoot Meyer, but you're pirates aren't aren't the best pirates. Uh we'll call that a red.

SPEAKER_11 1:34:40

One red?

SPEAKER_01 1:34:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_11 1:34:41

Okay, I'll take it. Uh for success to advantage! Four light or no, it'd be five light side and one dark side. So I'll use uh no, I'll just use that dark side to extend the range. I won't use the light side.

SPEAKER_01 1:34:56

But that's still enough to knock down like bowling pins to finish off what's left of these pirates as they're uh before they can run away.

SPEAKER_10 1:35:05

Can we yell strike uh once it happens?

SPEAKER_01 1:35:07

I mean if you want, you can. Strike! So so you've cleared out all the pirates in the hangar bay. Uh none of them were able to escape to alert the rest of the ship of your arrival. Boy, wasn't that lucky.

SPEAKER_10 1:35:27

It still didn't go as planned, but you know what? It's fine.

SPEAKER_11 1:35:31

It's fine, it went good. Can we find this captain of Mercum?

SPEAKER_10 1:35:35

Where can we find such captain?

unknown 1:35:37

I can be of assistance.

SPEAKER_10 1:35:40

Sperky, I didn't know you followed along. Come here, buddy. Let's uh show us where this captain guy is.

SPEAKER_02 1:35:46

We're like barely in the ship.

SPEAKER_06 1:35:48

All I need to do is establish a connection with my ally.

SPEAKER_11 1:35:53

You're not gonna tattle on us, right? I need no snitch. Okay, okay.

SPEAKER_10 1:35:59

That's my boy.

SPEAKER_11 1:36:00

Do I trust that? No, it's fine. I'm not gonna bother right now.

SPEAKER_01 1:36:04

Not not not our monkeys, not our zoo on that point. So uh Sparky, he goes over to like this control panel, but it's like at human height. So he turns back to you and he says, Uppie, up.

SPEAKER_00 1:36:17

I I I I give him uppies. I give him uppies. Are you able to give him uppies? How heavy is he? He's as heavy as a camera. Oh, okay. I give Sparky uppies. And he gets to work and he says, Multitude eject operation infiltration.

SPEAKER_01 1:36:34

And the computer panel lights up as he plugs in. Uh, and there's the sounds of like binary droid sounds, like this weird kind of like modem dial-up sound as he jacks in.

SPEAKER_06 1:36:47

And he says, I have found the captain's location. And I'll lead the way.

unknown 1:36:53

Follow me.

SPEAKER_01 1:36:54

Sniff him out, boy. Since uh Sparky is leading you, you can all uh add a blue onto your stealth roll. Uh what is the stealth roll? So this is going to be against the perception of uh the pirates. Presumably, uh Sparky and his ally uh are in tune enough that the security cameras may be disabled if there are any still remaining. So it will just be against the perception of any of the pirates that are here. I'm gonna guess that's two purple. So this is going to be against three purple. God damn it.

SPEAKER_11 1:37:37

Okay. I'm guessing my strain reason is set, so it'll take one to upgrade my roll.

SPEAKER_10 1:37:44

Uh no success, no advantage, one triumph.

SPEAKER_08 1:37:48

One success, two advantage.

SPEAKER_02 1:37:50

Four failure, three advantage.

SPEAKER_11 1:37:53

I I don't suppose that uh while Sparky was doing that, I could have committed a force for my skill checks.

SPEAKER_01 1:38:00

Yeah, you guys are wandering for a while, so you can uh commit that force.

SPEAKER_11 1:38:04

Okay, cool. That means I got a failure to advantage, two dark side, and a light side, but I can I'll use those two dark side to turn that into one success and two advantage.

SPEAKER_01 1:38:17

Okay. So Vanry and Rhombius can successfully uh remain in stealth, but Meyer and Al, uh, you are spotted.

SPEAKER_10 1:38:28

So uh we blend in with the wall.

SPEAKER_01 1:38:31

We just kinda like- Well, you got advantage and triumph. So you're spotted walking down the hallways. Uh Rhombius and Vanry can duck behind some crates or into an Alcove when you hear footsteps approaching, but Al and Meyer, not so lucky. And you hear uh a voice call out and say, Stop where you are! Um like, why? Who goes there? And this droid steps around the corner. And he sees you holding Sparky, and he like puts a hand on his chest and he says, I am Teschior of the Shard.

SPEAKER_05 1:39:09

Sparky, it's your buddy! Is that what you're calling him now?

SPEAKER_02 1:39:14

I mean, we couldn't pronounce the real name, so.

SPEAKER_10 1:39:17

Yeah, and he's he's fine with it. You're fine with it, right, Sparky? Yes. Yeah, see, he's fine with it. Um, hey, what are you doing here? I knew you were coming.

SPEAKER_05 1:39:27

I came to clear the way.

SPEAKER_02 1:39:29

Oh, hell yeah.

SPEAKER_10 1:39:31

Yay! You know what? You guys are alright. You guys are alright. I like you guys. You guys are alright. Um, do you w do you wanna come with us? We're gonna assassinate uh we're gonna assassinate a high uh high power pirate.

SPEAKER_01 1:39:46

Uh he motions, he carries this like sword on his hip and he says, I am prepared for that.

SPEAKER_05 1:39:53

Awesome. Yay! Alright.

SPEAKER_10 1:39:55

Alright, we we we walk down the hallway in slow motion.

SPEAKER_01 1:39:59

We walk down the hallway uh slowly.

SPEAKER_11 1:40:05

Why are you walking like that? You guys are walking in slow motion?

SPEAKER_02 1:40:09

We all walk at normal speed except Al, and then he has to do a little jog to catch up.

SPEAKER_01 1:40:14

I thought we were all doing slow motion! And as you're walking slowly, uh Tess QR says, The captain is alone on the bridge.

SPEAKER_05 1:40:23

Since it took you a while to disembark from your vessel, and lobsterman has not been heard from. I assume that you have defeated him. I dispatched the other pirates aboard the bridge to search for you in other areas of the ship.

SPEAKER_10 1:40:39

Okay. Uh I I I see you uh you guys are wanting in on this as much as we do.

SPEAKER_05 1:40:46

Our world is low on energy. Sparky tells me that you have promised us the planet Kessel if we help you.

SPEAKER_11 1:40:53

Yeah, like eventually.

SPEAKER_10 1:41:04

Very well, then we will be your allies. Hell yeah. Right on. Having a robot army is fucking rad. I hope you're not robots. Sorry, having a cybernetic army sounds rad. We are not your army. Our goals align for now. I hope that is the case. I mean, after you take Kessel, hopefully we could just sort of be business partners.

SPEAKER_01 1:41:30

Anyways, let's go kill ourselves a pirate.

SPEAKER_11 1:41:32

Yeah, let's go kill this guy.

SPEAKER_01 1:41:33

So he leads you up to the blastours that uh seal off the bridge of this vessel. Uh, and before he opens the door, he says One more thing.

SPEAKER_05 1:41:44

One more thing. As you have been a companion to Sparky, I trust you know of our secret abilities.

SPEAKER_11 1:41:51

Uh which secret abilities? Oh, how you can be in disguise.

SPEAKER_01 1:41:57

That is one way of putting it. And uh he kind of like chunk chunk chunk chunk chunk. He starts folding up and he turns into uh well, what is essentially a uh mobile turbo laser? Like a little mini tank.

SPEAKER_11 1:42:16

Um Wait, is he still mobile on his own? Yeah, he's got little trees. Okay, so it's not like he's turning into a big laser and one of us has to shoot him.

SPEAKER_10 1:42:25

I mean if one of you wants to pick him up and shoot him, you can. Let's let's use him to blow open the door and like not sneak in but have an entrance.

SPEAKER_08 1:42:34

Would that hurt him? To blow up a door? To to fire a blast? Does he like it? Is it what where is the blast coming from? He turns into a little mini tank.

SPEAKER_10 1:42:46

Yeah, but what is he shooting? It's coming out f uh it's coming out of his nose. What part of his body is coming out of his nose? You know which part. Skeet skeet, motherfucker.

SPEAKER_08 1:42:56

Sounds like you already know which part.

SPEAKER_11 1:43:00

Which part?

SPEAKER_01 1:43:05

Uh so uh you can get to a safe distance as he uh rotates his treads and he aims his little turret uh and fires a blast that blows a big smoking hole into the door to the bridge, and you can stride through. Inside uh the bridge, uh you can see in the captain's chair is Zulfikar, the Pirate King. He is a Kalish. I don't know if any of you, doesn't seem like any of you have ever seen one of these guys. Probably not in person, at least. Uh leathery grey skin wearing a bone mask, a bone battle mask splattered with uh blood markings of his people. Of course, he wears a uh a cape with gold epaulettes because he is, of course, the pirate king. And as Kalish are wont to do, his cape, as he stands and says, What is the meaning of this? He brushes his cape aside, and you can see, you know, Kalish just loved to do this because whenever you have a Star Wars race, they're all the same. You can see he's got pockets of for lightsabers for all the Jedi he's killed.

SPEAKER_11 1:44:17

Eh, whatever, we've killed Jedi too.

SPEAKER_02 1:44:19

God, we sh- if you didn't have your encumbrance thing or whatever, you should have also killed. I'll just sow I'll I'll just throw like a little photo of your collection. It's hanging on the wall of her room.

SPEAKER_01 1:44:33

And uh because every alien is the same in Star Wars, you can see that as he brushes his cape aside, he has replaced his arms with cybernetics.

SPEAKER_11 1:44:43

Oh, yeah. He's trying to be a spookier Dracula than you.

SPEAKER_02 1:44:48

Oh my god, we should replace some of your limbs too.

SPEAKER_11 1:44:51

What were we saying, Meyer? That I forget already. Are we gonna ask if he has a tragic backstory? Yes! How did you lose your limb?

SPEAKER_01 1:45:02

Zuh.

SPEAKER_02 1:45:03

Z.

SPEAKER_01 1:45:04

You haven't answered my question. Who are you? Alright.

SPEAKER_02 1:45:09

Meyer.

SPEAKER_01 1:45:09

We are your reckoning.

SPEAKER_11 1:45:12

We're a fake fucking problem, bitch.

SPEAKER_01 1:45:18

Are you just gonna attack him?

SPEAKER_10 1:45:20

Yeah, fuck it. Yeah, I mean, this guy is a net negative to the universe. I mean, so are we, but you know. We'll we'll we'll cross that bridge when we get there.

SPEAKER_02 1:45:29

No, but we're charming scamps. Look, the guy in my romance novel right now has fake arm, so like maybe I want to romance this guy.

SPEAKER_10 1:45:37

Do you want to romance this guy? Do we do you want us to stand back while you romance him?

SPEAKER_02 1:45:41

No, I'm good.

SPEAKER_11 1:45:43

Meyer, can you seduce your way out of the problem? Can you flirt or flirt us out of this?

SPEAKER_02 1:45:48

What does a bend in snap look like in Mandalorian armor? And then the snap is clink-ding.

SPEAKER_01 1:46:03

So as you enter and fucking mouth off to him, he says, You fools! I am the pirate king Zolfikar. I have been trained in the Sith Arts by Lord Calmulon!

SPEAKER_11 1:46:17

What? You cannot defeat me. Lord Hill?

SPEAKER_01 1:46:22

And he takes out his lightsabers and he splits his arms in half. And uh.

SPEAKER_10 1:46:28

Is he controlling a lightsaber with each half arm?

SPEAKER_01 1:46:31

Yeah, he's going full grievous. It's fucking sick, actually. His weapons, uh, rather than like dual wielding, his weapons count as linked, which means he doesn't have to actually increase the difficulty to attack with them. Okay. So, uh, because he has uh extra arms, that gives him um an additional free maneuver. So he uses one to leap and dash over to you, and he uses one to aim at you, vanity. I dodge your sift tattoos make you a luscious target.

SPEAKER_11 1:47:05

I am pretty luscious, aren't I?

SPEAKER_10 1:47:08

You're working it. You you make you make me want to attack you first, absolutely.

SPEAKER_11 1:47:15

Thank you so much. That means a lot.

SPEAKER_10 1:47:17

No problem.

SPEAKER_11 1:47:18

Chatting like this while I'm getting eviscerated.

SPEAKER_01 1:47:23

What the fuck? What? What happened? Okay. Did it all cancel out? Nah, but okay. Um, so here's the thing. So he rolled against a purple, a red, and a black. Okay. He rolled four yellows and a green. He got two failures, seven advantage and a despair.

SPEAKER_08 1:47:47

Oh my god! Seven advantage? Damn.

SPEAKER_00 1:47:52

What a despair. And no no success. Yeah, so you know that big cape he's wearing?

SPEAKER_01 1:47:58

It's got no fucking trips over it, and he he like all of his lightsabers go flying out of his hand. And they stick into the window on the bridge and it shatters.

SPEAKER_11 1:48:14

Oh no. Oh no, no. Do we have to hang on? Do we have to brace to not get sucked into space?

SPEAKER_10 1:48:20

Is part of the seven advantages that one of the lightsabers stick in him and but he and he doesn't get stuck out, sucked out the window?

SPEAKER_01 1:48:28

No, the the seven advantages is that you guys also have to uh not get sucked out.

SPEAKER_10 1:48:34

Okay. Alright, I don't want to get stuck, let's do this.

SPEAKER_01 1:48:37

Okay, so everybody uh give me an athletics or a coordination to quickly grab and hold on to something. Oh shit. Uh so this is seven advantages of athletics or coordination. So we're gonna say that every two advantages is a purple, so that'll be three purples, and that extra advantage will add a black. So this will be three purple and a black athletics or coordination.

SPEAKER_08 1:49:04

Success and advantage. I'm going to uh have to do the upgrade as well.

SPEAKER_10 1:49:11

I was thinking about upgrading. I was thinking about upgrading, but then my thumb slipped and rolled a success and advantage, so I'm like, oh thank god.

SPEAKER_02 1:49:20

Don't tempt fate. I'm not tempting. I'm gonna re-roll my my once per session re-roll, so let's see what the second time is. Three thread.

SPEAKER_10 1:49:30

Oh no.

SPEAKER_11 1:49:31

Okay, well I got I got one success, five advantage, two dark side and a light side. So I could get even more advantage, so I could maybe try to help Meyer.

SPEAKER_01 1:49:46

Do you want to bump that up to seven advantage?

SPEAKER_02 1:49:48

I can breathe in my suit at least.

SPEAKER_01 1:49:50

Yeah, Rombius, what did you get?

SPEAKER_08 1:49:52

I got one success, one threat. So Meyer's the only one who actually failed.

SPEAKER_01 1:49:57

Yeah, and Zolphicar gets. Two advantages.

SPEAKER_11 1:50:01

Oh, uh, not advantages.

SPEAKER_01 1:50:03

Yeah. So, Meyer, uh, you go tumbling out of the window. Got those three threat. We so Zulphicar goes tumbling out the window and crabs onto you, and you guys are in space. The emergency shutters close behind you.

SPEAKER_02 1:50:23

I have a seat.

SPEAKER_01 1:50:24

He starts trying to pry your helmet off so he can wear it.

SPEAKER_02 1:50:28

Boot blade! Boot blade!

SPEAKER_01 1:50:31

Uh, Vanry, you got those seven advantages.

SPEAKER_02 1:50:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:50:35

Uh so you can see that there is like a maintenance access hatch that is on the bridge. Uh, there is like an emergency like breath mask. If you want to go out there after her, you guys could. Okay. Um, if you trust them, you could send Sparky and Ortescure. I trust them.

SPEAKER_11 1:50:56

Are they able to breathe in the vacuum of space? They're crystals. Yeah, maybe because it's like there's a breath mask, but I don't know if that's uh like just because I can breathe in space doesn't necessarily protect me from exploding in space.

SPEAKER_01 1:51:10

I mean, this is Star Wars rules. In Star Wars, as long as you have a gas mask, you can live comfortably inside a space slug with no atmosphere.

SPEAKER_11 1:51:18

That is true.

SPEAKER_10 1:51:19

Should we trust them? I trust them. 100%. 100%.

SPEAKER_08 1:51:26

1000%.

SPEAKER_10 1:51:29

Oh, are you trying to fucking beat me? My own game? How dare you.

SPEAKER_08 1:51:33

Do they have like 2000%?

SPEAKER_11 1:51:37

Do they have little jet rockets where they could just propel themselves back afterwards?

SPEAKER_01 1:51:41

I don't think so. But neither does Meyer.

SPEAKER_11 1:51:44

Neither does Meyer, and neither do I.

SPEAKER_02 1:51:46

Could have bought a fucking jetpack and I bought a boot blade, what the fuck?

SPEAKER_11 1:51:52

Boot blade! Hell yeah! You know what? I'm gonna go out because then I can still get this guy's head.

SPEAKER_01 1:51:59

Yes!

SPEAKER_10 1:51:59

Oh my god, I forgot about his head.

SPEAKER_11 1:52:02

I want my heads!

SPEAKER_01 1:52:03

Okay, so you can uh grab some breath mask whoever wants to go out uh and step out the airlock, and you can see Zolfikar wrestling with you, Meyer, trying to get your helmet off, to rip it off.

SPEAKER_02 1:52:18

Kick him in the dick with my boot blade!

SPEAKER_01 1:52:21

Okay, so that'll be a brawl.

SPEAKER_02 1:52:23

This is melee.

SPEAKER_01 1:52:24

Uh yeah, that'll be a melee. He has four ranks of adversary, so that will be against two reds and two purples.

SPEAKER_02 1:52:31

Interesting. Is it or is it just bad? Four failure, one triumph.

SPEAKER_10 1:52:38

That is interesting, actually. That's actually better. That's actually good.

SPEAKER_02 1:52:45

Unlike the rest of my roles today.

SPEAKER_10 1:52:47

I mean, he she didn't get a threat.

SPEAKER_02 1:52:49

Didn't kick him in the dick, I guess.

SPEAKER_03 1:52:51

Yeah.

SPEAKER_10 1:52:52

You kicked it, you kicked him in the fucking uh uh artery.

SPEAKER_11 1:52:56

Got him in the asshole.

SPEAKER_01 1:52:58

So your Mandalorian armor was not made by Mandalorian armor smiths. It was made by Noel Scum and his shitty quality control. So when he pulls your helmet off, he does succeed in doing it, but the bescar of the helmet becomes unglued from the protective sealant.

SPEAKER_03 1:53:18

Oh no.

SPEAKER_01 1:53:18

So you've still got like this like protective like head condom on underneath the helmet, and he just pulls the bescar off.

SPEAKER_08 1:53:28

I forgot there was a recall on that armor.

SPEAKER_01 1:53:31

So you are temporarily stuck with a plastic bag on your head, but uh at least you're not gonna suffocate.

SPEAKER_02 1:53:38

Great.

SPEAKER_01 1:53:38

With a plastic bag on your head.

SPEAKER_10 1:53:40

You still need we still need to get the uh her head back and his head back. Give me his head! Give me some head.

SPEAKER_01 1:53:47

Specifically his! Specifically his head! And uh Vanry, you can see this going on. He is grabbing at her like he realizes what happened and he's just decided to take her with him.

SPEAKER_11 1:53:59

Now can I just zoom and jump on his back and try to rip out his head and spine?

SPEAKER_01 1:54:05

Um, yeah, since you're gonna have to leap off and aim yourself, that will add we'll count this as calling your shot, so you'll have to add two black. Uh you're grabbing on to him who is attached to Meyer, so that'll add another black. Uh he's got four ranks of adversary, so that will be two red and two purple.

SPEAKER_11 1:54:24

That'd be for brawl?

SPEAKER_01 1:54:25

Yeah.

SPEAKER_11 1:54:26

It will take a strain, an upgrade. And what do we have for destiny?

SPEAKER_01 1:54:30

You have three.

SPEAKER_11 1:54:31

Could I flip one to downgrade one of those reds?

SPEAKER_01 1:54:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_11 1:54:35

And I don't think I have anything that lets me get rid of blacks for brawl. Let me just see. I don't think so. It's fine.

SPEAKER_10 1:54:45

You're fine. You got this.

SPEAKER_11 1:54:47

I mean, it's moderate it's moderately fine. I got one success, two threats, two dark side, and a light side. So I can use those two dark side to get rid of the threat at least. So it's just one success.

SPEAKER_01 1:55:00

What are you trying to do here? One success wouldn't be enough to totally rip his head clean off, but it would be enough to free Meyer from his grip. Yeah, I'll just land on his back and yank him away from her. So you can yank him off of her. Now he's he's trying to like grab at you. He's got these robotic arms with these uh big claws, so he can still try and claw at you with those.

unknown 1:55:23

Right.

SPEAKER_01 1:55:23

Are you gonna try and dodge?

SPEAKER_11 1:55:25

Um, or do I just wanna take it and do the mind bleed? You know what? I probably shouldn't uh just allow myself to get hit. I'll I'll take his I'll take a strain and dodge.

SPEAKER_01 1:55:37

Okay. And because of what happened on his last attack, he's gonna use the destiny point as well to upgrade uh his attack to make sure that things go the way he wants them to. Two success, four advantages, and a triumph. Jesus Christ.

SPEAKER_11 1:55:53

Mine, bleed! I cannot tell you guys how many sessions I have been waiting to take wound.

SPEAKER_01 1:56:08

So he's gonna roll his crit.

SPEAKER_11 1:56:09

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 1:56:10

And he's gonna add 10 because he got that triumph. 69. Nice.

SPEAKER_11 1:56:14

That's nice.

SPEAKER_01 1:56:16

And he gets to add 10 to 79.

SPEAKER_11 1:56:18

Less nice.

SPEAKER_01 1:56:19

Overpowered.

SPEAKER_11 1:56:20

Oh no! Is that where he just gets to go after me again?

SPEAKER_01 1:56:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_11 1:56:24

No!

SPEAKER_01 1:56:26

Same dice pool.

unknown 1:56:27

No!

SPEAKER_01 1:56:27

One success, three advantage.

SPEAKER_11 1:56:30

Okay, that sounded like you were gonna add something else on there.

SPEAKER_01 1:56:33

No, so that's that's another point of wound to you. Do you bleed him?

SPEAKER_11 1:56:36

Bleed! Bleed! We'll both die here in space!

SPEAKER_01 1:56:41

And he's gonna roll another crit and add 10 again because you already have a crit. 42, 52. Fearsome wound. So, uh he's God damn my titties! Yeah, well, he scratches like deep uh into your titties.

SPEAKER_11 1:56:55

Oh! Why is it always my tits?

SPEAKER_01 1:56:58

Because that's what you said. You chose this, it'll increase the difficulty of all presence and willpower checks. Uh but you are wrestling with him. He has got his claws deep into you, puncturing your silicone. Little little globules are floating out into space and freezing.

SPEAKER_11 1:57:19

How dare you! I do not have, you know what. With that muscle mass? God has no use for implants! Can't have implants in space.

SPEAKER_01 1:57:31

It's just blood then.

SPEAKER_11 1:57:34

I just got massive pecs to make it to give the illusion.

SPEAKER_01 1:57:38

Uh, so Vanry, do you retaliate?

SPEAKER_11 1:57:41

Yes! You're gonna try to rip his head off again. Fuck you!

SPEAKER_01 1:57:45

Or Meyer, do you want to try anything?

SPEAKER_11 1:57:47

Kick, a kick!

SPEAKER_02 1:57:48

Boop blade, boot blade, make him the nuts.

SPEAKER_01 1:57:51

Boot blade!

SPEAKER_02 1:57:52

We're both living our best life right now.

SPEAKER_01 1:57:55

Floating in space, kicking him. Alright, so that'll be a uh two red, two purple. Add two blacks to avoid kicking Vanry.

SPEAKER_02 1:58:04

Aw man, why one failure, one advantage. I don't kick Vanry. You don't open them up for me.

SPEAKER_01 1:58:13

You don't kick Vanry, but uh you are gonna give him a black when he tries to rip her fucking throat out now.

SPEAKER_11 1:58:20

Hey! Ah, fuck off!

SPEAKER_01 1:58:22

I'm not gonna go first! Uh, he's a nemesis, so he gets like two turns per round.

SPEAKER_11 1:58:27

What?

SPEAKER_10 1:58:28

Fuck off. Should we should we follow uh them into space?

SPEAKER_11 1:58:34

I don't know if you I maybe send out Sparky and the side.

SPEAKER_01 1:58:37

Like there's more breath maps if you guys just want to like hang out and like fucking shoot him from afar.

SPEAKER_10 1:58:42

Space guy! Can we do something from the ship? Can can we tell the ship to do something?

SPEAKER_02 1:58:48

Like standing there staring at us having like a slapping, kicking fight? In zero G.

SPEAKER_01 1:58:55

Tescure, he says, Do you think you could aim me?

SPEAKER_10 1:58:59

Yeah, no, I can I I can aim you. We're uh would you like to be thrown? He transforms into his mobile cannon mode. Oh, right, you have a cannon, right. Sorry, my bad. Uh yeah, I can aim you. And I will aim him.

SPEAKER_01 1:59:12

So he is a um vehicle scale weapon.

SPEAKER_11 1:59:17

Hell yeah. Hell yeah. Can you aim a car?

SPEAKER_01 1:59:20

Gunner. So um you're gonna have to. Right now, Vanry and Meyer are engaged with him. Okay. Uh that'll only add two blacks. He does have adversary four. Uh they are probably like medium range away right now. Okay. So that will be against uh two reds. Two purples. Two blacks. Two blacks.

SPEAKER_10 1:59:43

Two reds, two purples, two blacks, eh?

SPEAKER_01 1:59:45

Yeah, you have three destiny points. I'm gonna flip one. Um because he is a sentient cannon, you can add two blues onto that because he can aim himself a little bit.

SPEAKER_10 1:59:56

Okay. Uh little assisted aim, as it were. Okay. Alright. Okay. Alright, okay, alright, okay. One success, one advantage, and one triumph. Ooh. Holy shit.

SPEAKER_01 2:00:11

So you can line up the shot, Tescuar fires from his cannon, and Meyer and Vanry, you guys are punching and kicking and trying to get this guy, and then there's this bright flash of light, and then you just feel he's gone, and his head is just like loosely floating there in front of you.

SPEAKER_11 2:00:33

Oh. Well, still kinda got the head.

SPEAKER_01 2:00:35

Good enough.

SPEAKER_11 2:00:36

It's not quite the same, but you know, we have enough.

SPEAKER_01 2:00:39

And Vanry, um, you feel this like nudge at your back.

SPEAKER_11 2:00:43

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 2:00:44

And you hear Sparky say, Don't worry, I was just attaching the tether.

SPEAKER_06 2:00:49

Oh.

SPEAKER_11 2:00:49

Okay, thanks, Sparky.

unknown 2:00:51

You're welcome.

SPEAKER_11 2:00:52

So polite that Sparky.

SPEAKER_01 2:00:56

And they can uh pull you and Meyer back onto the bridge of the price of honor, which I suppose now belongs to you guys.

SPEAKER_10 2:01:07

Yay! What honor do we have any anyway?

SPEAKER_01 2:01:10

Uh Maz and the rest of the crew, uh, during this fight, they made their way to their bridge as well, and she's already trying out the captain's chair. It's way too big for her.

SPEAKER_10 2:01:20

That's okay, she'll grow into it. Like, metaphorically.

SPEAKER_11 2:01:23

Well, I think she's full grown.

SPEAKER_10 2:01:25

Yeah, l I like I said, metaphorically.

SPEAKER_11 2:01:28

I think that uh spiritually she is full grown. She's small of stature and small small of spirit.

SPEAKER_01 2:01:36

And she says, Alright, you scurvy dogs.

SPEAKER_00 2:01:39

I guess we're all scurvy dogs now.

SPEAKER_10 2:01:41

We're all pretty scurvy. We need more vegetables in our diet.

SPEAKER_11 2:01:44

Yeah, Maz, why don't you provide us with citrus?

SPEAKER_10 2:01:46

Yeah, otherwise we g otherwise we get scurvy. Jesus Christ, Maz.

SPEAKER_01 2:01:51

Well now we can afford it. Huzzah! And we didn't even have to get rid of our 40 million credits.

SPEAKER_11 2:01:56

That's true. Oh my god. And we have a whole fucking pirate fleet now.

SPEAKER_01 2:02:01

We do.

SPEAKER_11 2:02:02

Oh my god, do we change the name?

SPEAKER_01 2:02:04

Name of the city.

SPEAKER_11 2:02:05

Like the the this because they are the blades of Cali, or do they just become outer rimmers?

SPEAKER_01 2:02:10

They will rim us.

SPEAKER_11 2:02:12

Okay, that's a little weird.

SPEAKER_01 2:02:14

Um And she like presses the big red button on like the arm of the chair, and she says, Attention, dickheads! This is your new pirate queen! I am Maz.

SPEAKER_09 2:02:26

Hey Maz.

SPEAKER_01 2:02:29

I have killed Zolfikar. I hold his head in my hands. Throw me his head, throw me his head. Oh, I'll toss him the head. I throw I I hold his head in my hands. You will listen to me. We are no longer the Blades of Kali. We are Maz's marauders. Outer Rimmers! We will become the most uh powerful pirates in the galaxy- yeah, the galaxy. Sorry, I don't give speeches this often. Yeah. Rimmers rim out! We have 40 million credits to disperse amongst you. If you will help us in our endeavor, if you wish to commit mutiny, you will suffer a swift execution at the hands of the shard.

SPEAKER_11 2:03:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_10 2:03:15

What if they just want to amicably leave? Don't get to do that. Oh.

SPEAKER_11 2:03:21

Yeah, she's a pirate queen. She knows what she's doing now. Let her work.

SPEAKER_10 2:03:24

Alright, I'm just making sure. Let the woman work. I'm I'm just asking questions.

SPEAKER_08 2:03:28

Just asking questions.

SPEAKER_10 2:03:30

Just asking qu I'm just following orders.

SPEAKER_01 2:03:34

My first order as pirate queen. The fleet will be split into two. Half of you will assist the shard in taking Kessel from the pikes. Now belongs to us. The other half will accompany us to the planet Rusan. And there we will uh Well, I'll have to check with somebody first, but once I know what that is, then I will tell you. Goodbye.

SPEAKER_11 2:03:58

Very good, very good.

SPEAKER_00 2:03:59

Very confident. Well, it's my first time. I've never been a pirate queen before.

SPEAKER_11 2:04:03

I mean you've been a pirate captain for a while.

SPEAKER_00 2:04:06

I I I feel I feel like Yeah, but I know you guys. It's like these it feels like my staff.

SPEAKER_02 2:04:11

You should say like Maz out instead of goodbye, because like Madison out.

SPEAKER_10 2:04:18

Yeah, like have some kind of catchphrase. You know, like Maz is known for in the sequel trilogy.

SPEAKER_11 2:04:25

Yeah. Like rim on, everybody. God.

SPEAKER_10 2:04:30

Don't fuck up, don't get ripped.

SPEAKER_11 2:04:33

Rimmers get rimin'.

SPEAKER_01 2:04:35

What if my catchphrase was something mysterious, like that's a story for another time?

SPEAKER_11 2:04:40

Okay, you already say that and it just gets it gets a little old pretty fast though.

SPEAKER_01 2:04:44

Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_11 2:04:45

Sorry. I know it's like a thing for you.

SPEAKER_01 2:04:48

Right, right. But oh fuck, yes. Uh I s what what I said about going to Rusan, we s we have to kind of go there still.

SPEAKER_11 2:04:54

How what was on Rusan?

SPEAKER_01 2:04:56

Oh, that's where I sent Bane.

SPEAKER_11 2:04:58

Oh, wait, why did you send Bane there?

SPEAKER_01 2:05:00

Oh, he took the orb because he's gonna turn it into a thought bomb to kill all the Jedi and Sith, and we kinda need to uh whoop get him out of there.

SPEAKER_11 2:05:08

Um, what?

SPEAKER_01 2:05:10

It's a really good plan. The way he explained it made a lot of sense.

SPEAKER_11 2:05:17

Okay, um yeah, sure, I guess. Let's go get Bane.

SPEAKER_01 2:05:23

Okay, good. So Maz starts like spinning around in the captain's chair.

SPEAKER_03 2:05:26

We I feel that.

SPEAKER_01 2:05:29

I feel that. You can see, uh, as the Price of Honor begins moving out of the nebula, it is soon joined with half a fleet of other pirate vessels from around the galaxy that have come to meet up with their new captain and they all check in, uh, swearing loyalty as long as the check clears.

SPEAKER_11 2:05:48

Wait, goddamn, I hope Bane's not gonna be weird when Romius and I show up and he's like, you have to get down to the planet. Don't ask questions.

SPEAKER_01 2:05:56

Well, we'll see what questions are being asked, because uh Maz uh lays in a course for the planet Rusan, uh, where maybe we'll see the end of this Star War to prepare for your heist next time on Star Wars Empire Wreckers. This week's episode is brought to you by our top patrons, Eric Charles Perazzo, Jeffrey Zamuto, Laser, LKB, Matthew Lynette, Michael Weingartner, Suki Nintendo, and Vaginator.