Empire Wreckers
A Star Wars actual play podcast using the Fantasy Flight Games system. Each 3-season campaign follows a group of intergalactic misfits as they try their best to save the galaxy... or destroy it.
Empire Wreckers
S13E01 - High School Dropout
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There is unrest in the Galactic Senate. Several thousand solar systems have declared their intentions to leave the Republic.
This separatist movement, under the leadership of the mysterious Count Dooku, has made it difficult for the limited number of Jedi Knights to
maintain peace and order in the galaxy.
But the Knights are not alone, and are bolstered by the Jedi Service Corps, a contingent of explorers, teachers, healers, and farmers who will have their own role to play in the conflict to come....
Hey everyone, thanks for listening to the lucky 13th season of Star Wars Empire Wreckers, the Star Wars Actual Play podcast that is starting a new campaign.
SPEAKER_05That sounds fake.
SPEAKER_00Jesus Christ. No, he doesn't exist because we're going, a long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away, in Star Wars! There is unrest in the galactic senate. Several thousand solar systems have declared their intentions to leave the Republic. This separatist movement under the leadership of the mysterious Count Joku has made it difficult for the limited number of Jedi Knights to maintain peace and order in the galaxy. But the Knights are not alone and are bolstered by the Jedi Service Corps, a contingent of explorers, teachers, healers, and farmers who will have their own role to play in the conflict to come. So, somewhere in deep space, right on the very edge of the map, riding the edge of the map, drawing in, filling in all the new spaces, there is a fleet. Shuttles, frigates, corvettes, and four immense Purgal class star cruisers, the kind that you might see gallivanting across the stars on a pleasure cruise to Batu. You know the kind.
SPEAKER_05Ah yes.
SPEAKER_00This fleet is the Jedi Exploration Corps, a mobile unit of Jedi-adjacent figures led by the brightest and best Jedi seekers. These vessels, they chart the final frontier, exploring strange new worlds, seeking out new life, new civilizations, and going where no one has gone before. But while the fleet is led by Jedi Knot, everyone aboard is a Jedi. Technically. See, the road to becoming a Jedi Knight is long and difficult, and not everyone makes the cut. Those that don't are offered a choice: leave the order and venture out into the galaxy with nothing but the clothes on your back, or be reassigned to the Jedi Service Corps and use your abilities to serve the galaxy as a farmer, healer, scholar, or in this case, explorer. Each of these four large Star Cruisers serves as the living quarters for the Jedi Service Corps of Explorers, and while three of them are named after great Jedi Grandmasters who presided over important historical events, one always bears the name of the current Jedi Grandmaster because history does not end with the past. So, aboard the Jedi Starcruiser Yoda, it is 0300 hours, and there is a loud banging on the door of the suite occupied by Exploration Group 6B.
SPEAKER_05Ah.
SPEAKER_00Who could that be?
SPEAKER_05O300 is the middle of the fucking night.
SPEAKER_00Whoever it is, uh they don't even wait for a reply before the door swooshes open, the light from the hallway fills your cabin, and you recognize the tall, strong, broad silhouette of your group's Tweelec Jedi captain, Hallan Crintu, the Jedi Knight who has led you on a number of exploration missions thus far. He's been away at the Jedi Temple on Coruscant for the past few weeks. Uh but now he's chosen a heck of a time to return.
SPEAKER_05At O300, so we're all asleep, correct? I don't know, are you? At O300, I should fucking think so.
SPEAKER_03Is it uh what day of the week is it? Middle of the week. Middle of the week? Okay, that's uh I'm not partying then.
SPEAKER_00How much partying can you get in on a uh Jedi cruiser?
SPEAKER_03Uh I I mean, if you find the right closets, you can if if you find the right closets, you could party anywhere. Yeah, it's uh it's Gel Day, if that helps you.
SPEAKER_05Like, which shi what lower deck shift are we on? I assume that if we're I assume that if we're in our quarters, we are fucking sleeping, and this dude just walks in. I will pull my covers over my face just like what if we weren't decent?
SPEAKER_06I'm trying to sleep. I wake up instantly and stand up and say, Master, where am I needed?
SPEAKER_05Yeah, what the nerd said. What the fuck, man?
SPEAKER_00Take her with you. A Jedi is always prepared, remember this, always prepared for adventure and excitement, above all.
SPEAKER_03Halfway into going to sleep, I say, and to party.
SPEAKER_02What has woken Starzan from his slumber?
SPEAKER_00Starzan. It okay, me friend, Hal and Crinchu, captain.
SPEAKER_05Remember.
SPEAKER_02Starzan always feels condescended when you do that.
SPEAKER_04What are you gonna talk in third person for your whole character?
SPEAKER_02Yes, just watch Starzan. Just watch Starzan.
SPEAKER_00And he and he flicks on the lights in your suite and they just immediately they flip up to like 110% brightness, too bright. And he says, Alright everyone, it's time to get dressed. We have a mission.
SPEAKER_05A mi it's O300! Come back at a normal hour.
SPEAKER_03We are not Jedi's yet. What kind of mission are we on? It's two in the afternoon chorus in time, so uh I'm still on that clock.
SPEAKER_05Fine.
SPEAKER_00Wait, what was this guy that what was our master's name? Hallan Crintu.
SPEAKER_05Hi, Master Hallan. What is I should probably write that down too. Hang on.
SPEAKER_00Uh you can see kind of poking around him is like this 12-year-old girl uh dressed in Jedi robes, and he kind of looks down at her and he says, uh, yes. Um the reason I was called away decoruscent in the first place, I'd like to introduce you all to my new Padawan. This is Yigen Lam.
SPEAKER_05That's a kid! What if those two weren't decent? You're bringing a kid in here with no announcement?
SPEAKER_00Well, you're all members of the Jedi Service Corps. You should be held to a certain standard of decorum, I should hope. You should all be wearing your assigned sleeping garments.
SPEAKER_06I'm wearing my regular robes. I am always ready to serve.
SPEAKER_03I'm under my blanket and I'm trying to put my pants and shirt back on.
SPEAKER_01Oh, Starzan has no modesty. He has stood bolt upright, nude as the day he was born. As soon as this guy came.
SPEAKER_05Master Hallen. Starzan is ready.
SPEAKER_00Some species don't wear clothes at all. He's like, those people are. Uh but yeah, I'd like to introduce you to my exploration group, Exploration Group 6B.
SPEAKER_01Uh I will put on some clothes because there is a child present.
SPEAKER_03There's a 12-year-old girl here. Even like you got in trouble for that once, never again.
SPEAKER_05You like stood up stark naked and proud, then you're like, oh shit. Oh shit. There is a child. Never mind. I'll crawl out of bed, kind of holding my sleep clothes up over my head to block these bright fucking lights.
SPEAKER_00And Helen says, uh, this is my exploration group 6B. Uh, the very chipper uh girl there. She is one of the best and brightest of the Jedi Service Corps. Uh, you could learn a thing or two from her. She is Illyria. The uh absolute specimen that you see before you there is Starzan.
SPEAKER_04Absolute unit.
SPEAKER_01I will uh kind of just hold my bed clothes that I've I gripped like the sheets that I've picked up to cover myself.
SPEAKER_05Cover yourself, but like still shake out your hair so it flows majestically.
SPEAKER_03Beautiful.
SPEAKER_00Starzan is pleased to meet. Strangely, although uh Starzan attended all of the same Galactic Basic Dialogue courses as everyone else, he maintains a unique dialect that is uh we assume from his people.
SPEAKER_03He keeps referring himself to himself. It's annoying, I gotta say.
SPEAKER_02Starzan is the one true Starzan, and will not diminish himself.
SPEAKER_01Uh what's your dad's name? What's your pa's name? Starzan. Star Man Starzan is the 428th in the Starzan line. But Joe's the only one.
SPEAKER_03The only, yes. Okay, just make it sure. So many rules.
SPEAKER_00And this dashing rogue, if there is such a thing allowed in the Jedi Service Corps, is uh Krissant. Now, I know what you've heard about falling pheromones, but don't worry, he uh I very much hope keeps those kinds of things under control, especially when children are around.
SPEAKER_03I don't I don't know what you think of me, but okay.
SPEAKER_05Uh he thinks that you keep it under control. He respects you.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. Uh b uh bonjour, madame. Hello.
SPEAKER_00I like her already. And uh that thing lurking over there is colourset.
SPEAKER_04I definitely thought you were gonna end off with like, and the little one behind you is mouse.
SPEAKER_05Uh hey. Uh what what was what was your name? Uh Child Yigen Lamb. Yigen, Yigen?
SPEAKER_00Yeah, uh, Chris, why don't you roll me a Knowledge Core Worlds? Uh you can throw a blue onto there.
SPEAKER_03Knowledge Core Worlds. Yeah, two purple. What is this person?
SPEAKER_06Do we know their species is?
SPEAKER_00Uh she's human.
SPEAKER_05Ugh. You can tell that we're rusty because we're like, shit, we gotta take notes to actually remember people. One success.
SPEAKER_00Okay. So uh you recognize the like there is a human lamb family on Coruscant that, like, is wealthy, but it's the kind of wealth where it's like nobody's really sure why they're wealthy. So you you are kind of familiar with her family as uh people of means.
SPEAKER_05Wait, okay, you say that uh she's wealthy, but no one really like her family is wealthy, but no one really knows why she's wealthy. Or nobody remembers. Mobsters, mobsters. Well, I'm gonna I was gonna say, I am someone who is familiar with uh illicit substances. Would I be able to roll to see if I know why they're wealthy?
SPEAKER_00Uh yeah, give me a knowledge underworld if you think uh that the lambs are into some shady shit.
SPEAKER_05Uh, knowledge. Would I be able to add a blue?
SPEAKER_00Um, well, Chris Saunt uh has reasons because he his family's from a similar circle, potentially, but you're just going on vibes.
SPEAKER_05What's the difficulty on that underworld role?
SPEAKER_00Uh, too purple.
SPEAKER_05Too purple. We'll see. Ah, nothing out, no shit. I just woke up. It's 3 a.m., dude.
SPEAKER_00Drink your regular Scotch.
SPEAKER_03It's so bright.
SPEAKER_05Uh, why are these fucking lights so bright?
SPEAKER_00So, uh, all of you are getting dressed. The Jedi Service Corps does have a uniform of sorts. Um, a blue, uh, almost militaristic uniform, a dark blue uniform, uh similar to those worn by the uh Republic Judicial Court, like the pilots at the beginning of the Phantom Menace, like those guys. But to show your connection to the Jedi, there is also uh a Jedi tabard that is worn over top. So you all like the basic dress of the Jedi Service Corps isn't that far off from what Luke was wearing in Return of the Jedi, but all of you uh have been with the Service Corps for a little while now, so you've had time to uh modify your outfits to suit your own personal needs.
SPEAKER_05Absolutely not. I will not modify anything.
SPEAKER_01Starzan has turned it into a loincloth because it chafed the nips too much.
SPEAKER_05I gotta put my tabard over my head like a hood to block the light.
SPEAKER_03It it's it's in the it's in the corner where I put all my laundry that I haven't done yet.
SPEAKER_00Laundry chair.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, laundry chair, exactly.
SPEAKER_00So as as you're all getting dressed, uh, and Yigen Lam is trying to like get uh-huh-uh-uh-uh-uh-huh. And you can see that uh as a Jedi Padawan, of course, she has her lightsaber attached to your belt. None of you were allowed to keep yours when you were shuffled off to the Jedi Service Corps. I don't know how you feel about uh this child gallivanting around with one.
SPEAKER_06I stay stone-faced. I look at it but but pretend I don't.
SPEAKER_00It the child child, but the lightsaber.
SPEAKER_05It. Yeah, okay, I might see it and just kinda like roll my eyes, just like fucking little kids, man.
SPEAKER_03They think they're so special.
SPEAKER_06I'm like curiously stone-faced. You're curiously stoned. I'm normal. I feel normal about this, this child.
SPEAKER_03I'm wearing sunglasses to hide the bags under my eyes.
SPEAKER_06Yeah, Illyria's having an extremely normal one already. I woke up to serve, and this child is ruining my name. Just by existing. That should have been me! I should have been that child! If something good happened to you, it should have happened to me.
SPEAKER_00Instead. Yeah, how come not to you were Hallen's Padawan?
SPEAKER_05Shut up. Shut the fuck up, God.
SPEAKER_02Starzan may have trouble fitting in.
SPEAKER_05So Hallan, why have you brought a little kid into a room with s four sleeping adults with no announcement at three in the fucking morning?
SPEAKER_00Well, because we got a mission. I uh while I was at Coruscent, while I was on Coruscant, I uh did some spelunking into the archives and I uh found something kinda interesting.
SPEAKER_05Wait, literal spelunking or uh hypothetical.
SPEAKER_00Hypothetically, come on, keep up.
SPEAKER_05Listen, I just don't know what your hobbies are, Halland. We never chat.
SPEAKER_00Well, that's because we're always on the move. You've seen me spelunk, we've gone spelunking into the caves of Malamar before.
SPEAKER_05Ah, yeah, the spelunkie in the caves of Malamar. I remember it well now. Now that you mention that.
SPEAKER_00Anyway.
SPEAKER_03After that tangent.
SPEAKER_00See, uh, in the ancient days, shamans in this sector of space were known to comfort weary travelers and bring them to a world rich in the living force, with waters that could cleanse the bodies, minds, and spirits of anyone who bathed there. Problem is that these shamans, of course, were eventually visited by a group of injured pirates. Shamans didn't want to take them to this uh mystical planet, and the pirates killed them all, and the uh shaman's temple has been an underworld shadow port ever since. But, I think that maybe if we go to the Shadow Port, we might be able to find this lost planet. We may be able to discover the location of the lost planet Bimis.
SPEAKER_06Oh my goodness!
SPEAKER_04Oh no, that planet's been bangled!
SPEAKER_03Uh, excuse excuse me, is this mission going to be dangerous?
SPEAKER_00Well, uh, we're going to a uh pirate hideout, so probably. Ah, yes, yes. Then But you're our first contact expert. You should uh be able to talk our way in, right? I mean, I I do Chris, buddy.
SPEAKER_03I I can I convince people to have a good time and uh to par to party. I I yes, uh, I can I can convince these pirates to have a good time. Where's the rum?
SPEAKER_00I guess we'll find it. Uh we're not supposed to have any on this vessel, that's for sure, but I'm sure that hasn't stopped you, has it, Chris?
SPEAKER_03Oh, you know me too well. I didn't say that. I can't I'm I'm not admitting to anything. Is Chris French? A little bit. He doesn't he only speaks he only speaks common. I I I'm trying with a bad French accent and seeing how far it takes me, and I don't know, I'm kind of doing that.
SPEAKER_00Chris is putting on a French accent to a pure culture.
SPEAKER_04To impress this 12-year-old.
SPEAKER_00So anyway, this place we're going is a uh pirate outpost called Port Crush in the Kalky Nebula.
SPEAKER_05Would would any of us know anything about this pirate outpost?
SPEAKER_00Uh, if you want to give me a Knowledge Underworld.
SPEAKER_06Underworld.
SPEAKER_00This would probably be It's in the area, uh, but I don't think you guys would have heard of it necessarily.
SPEAKER_05Okay.
SPEAKER_00Um, so it would be a three purple Knowledge Underworld.
SPEAKER_05Ooh. Man, I feel like I'm gonna have to get a rank in Knowledge Underworld. One success. One failure. Four success, three threats. I'm sorry, okay, you got four success, I got ya.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, so Cala, you've heard of it. Um, Illyria, you've heard of it as well. But as soon as you're about to talk, uh Yigens speaks up and says, Oh, I did some reading up on that on the way over. Uh, I think that Port Crush is, uh, they call it that because it's so deep underwater that the uh anybody who goes down there, you have to have a really strong ship, or else it'll get crushed by the waves. Cause the uh the shamans were Kravaky, I think. And I think all the pirates down like I think the pirate leader is a Sovacs, maybe.
SPEAKER_05Very good, but uh, that is common knowledge. With my one success, would I know anything that is uh less savory knowledge?
SPEAKER_00As Chris was Chris hoped, they do have rum there. Yeah. And it's like specifically like the rum that they have down there is specifically brewed at like that heavy water pressure.
SPEAKER_05Oh, so it's like extra concentrated.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, it's like an it's like really thick, viscous, it's like an extremely alcoholic syrup.
SPEAKER_05I'll kind of like I'll give a look over to Chris and kind of like give him a nod, just like, uh-huh.
SPEAKER_03Uh-huh.
SPEAKER_05Uh-huh.
SPEAKER_03And and uh I I I kind of give you like a signal of like I I just sort of like tap my nose. I'm just like, I get ya, I read you. Let's talk about this later.
SPEAKER_00And Helen says, Alright, so let's get on the move.
SPEAKER_06I can't have a shout. Yes, master.
SPEAKER_00No, we gotta get out. We gotta get out of here right now.
SPEAKER_06On the double.
SPEAKER_05Oh god. That's why this ship smells like shit, you know.
SPEAKER_03Should I turn off my alarm for six o'clock in the morning?
SPEAKER_00Uh, I mean you're not gonna be here, so. Okay.
SPEAKER_05Can I can we get change out of the sleep clothes at least into proper uniforms?
SPEAKER_00Everybody's been doing that except you.
SPEAKER_05How are we getting change in front of this 12-year-old? What's wrong with you freaks?
SPEAKER_03Alright, uh, Yigen, can you wait in the hall? Can can somebody help me with this uh alarm alarm clock? I don't know how to turn it off. I haven't I don't know how to work it.
SPEAKER_05You don't know how to How fucking old are you? You don't know how to work an alarm clock.
SPEAKER_03Well, I said well, I read the instruction manual, I turned it on, and then I never had to had to work with it ever again. I was able to program it. Now I just need to figure out how to turn it off.
SPEAKER_05Take your alarm clock. So angrily pressing the buttons. Anglo-ass adult doesn't know how to turn off an alarm clock.
SPEAKER_00So is it just an alarm clock?
SPEAKER_03Can I roll something to turn off the alarm clock?
SPEAKER_00Or does it do anything else? Uh my alarm clock. Like, is it an alarm that's like on like a multi-use data pad, or is it specifically a clock?
SPEAKER_03Um, I assume like uh I uh it's it's specifically a clock. I it it's it's I assume strange technology. I I would assume that it's like the uh standard clock that's gonna be a couple of things.
SPEAKER_00It's like an antique that you dug up on one of your uh exploration missions.
SPEAKER_03Yes.
SPEAKER_00That that's what was in the the caves of Malamar was an ancient alarm clock.
SPEAKER_05Oh, you had spoken for it. Wow. This looks like an artifact from the future.
SPEAKER_00But yes, uh Yigen can leave the room if you want to get dressed without uh a child's eyes seeing your unmentionables. And by that I mean uh whatever you want to try and skulldug into your pockets from your stash.
SPEAKER_05Oh yeah, I'll make sure I have my impact on me.
SPEAKER_03Skullduggery. Oh, my skullduggery is not as good as it was last season. That's a shame.
SPEAKER_05Oh, we just started.
SPEAKER_03We'll get there. Yeah, we'll get there.
SPEAKER_05But would it be to skulldug our shit into our clothes?
SPEAKER_00So if there's anything you don't want Hallan to notice, uh that'll be a skullduggery. Um he's not really like paying too much attention to you at the moment getting dressed, like he's not looking over, he's not watching you get dressed. Uh so it'll just kind of be against his vigilance if anything pops. Uh so that will be against too red.
SPEAKER_05Two red shit. We got like all light side when we started, right?
SPEAKER_03You were you were soft selling that like crazy.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, it's fine. Two red, fucking third roll of the game. Can I flip a light side to downgrade one of those reds? Yeah. Shit, total wash! He's gonna find my drugs. I need those.
SPEAKER_03It's okay. I got one failure, one advantage, and a despair. Jesus!
SPEAKER_00So you were also going for her drugs.
SPEAKER_05Let me hold on to those for you, Kenny.
SPEAKER_00Chris, what do you have there? Oh no. You were trying to help too hard.
SPEAKER_03It exploded on my face.
SPEAKER_06Don't you think we should have a clear mind?
SPEAKER_00It's my anti-anxiety medication. And he takes it out of your hand and sees it's it's a dose of impact. And he is, I know this isn't yours, Chris.
SPEAKER_03It is not mine, no.
SPEAKER_00And he says, Cala, have you been doing your meditations?
SPEAKER_05What? What? What? I've been doing It's not mine. Chris had it. He had it. It was in his hand. Look, it's all over his face now. He's he's a wreck. That guy.
SPEAKER_03Can I go to Ziwashroom before we start so I can wash the shift off of my face?
SPEAKER_00Sure, keep the door open. Okay.
SPEAKER_05Listen, I've been doing my meditations. I just, you know, I don't know where we're going. Like, what if what if, you know, we're going somewhere that's not meditative? Eh?
SPEAKER_00Well, if you were doing your exercises, then you wouldn't need this. I understand that there are complications due to your past, but you are a member of the Jedi Service Corps, and especially now that I have a Padawan, we need to be setting a good example.
SPEAKER_05You bossed your Padawan into a room of four sleeping adults in questionable states of undress, and you're telling me how to behave around a child?
SPEAKER_00There's nothing to be ashamed of of a naked body if that's what you're worried about.
SPEAKER_02Yes.
SPEAKER_04I agree.
SPEAKER_05Listen, I'm just it's not every day. It's just like, you know, in case of emergency. This is to help me perform at peak efficiency, master. Come on. Get me. I understand, but I'm clear mind.
SPEAKER_00I won't report this to the KR droids, but I will have to confiscate this.
SPEAKER_05Oh my god. Can you at least give me back the credits? It's like a hot fucking 125 a pop for those.
SPEAKER_03No.
SPEAKER_05Come on, I barely get a stipend.
SPEAKER_03If there's something I've learned from being here too long, it's don't push your luck.
SPEAKER_05You Oh, I you know I had two of those doses and then one of them's all over your face.
SPEAKER_03Well, it was. I washed it down into two.
SPEAKER_05You washed it down the f uh What the hell is that?
SPEAKER_00You're gonna go to the toilet with a straw now.
SPEAKER_03Did you w did you wanna fucking snip it off my face? I don't want to scoop it.
SPEAKER_05You know, look, you could have at least tried some, made use of it.
SPEAKER_03There might be a little bit more in my ear canal here. Why don't you take a look?
SPEAKER_05Oh god, I'm not a bot I'm not, I creep. Jeez. Can't turn off an alarm claw, can't dude impact properly.
SPEAKER_03Oh look, there's a couple couple in my skull crevices. Why don't you take a look?
SPEAKER_05You have your skin in this campaign. How did it get in your skull crevices?
SPEAKER_00He's got falling ridges. Yeah, women love a man with a ridges. I took a look at my character.
SPEAKER_01Fuck. I was two seconds away.
SPEAKER_03Wait, what did you say? Snatched it.
SPEAKER_01Ridged for her pleasure.
SPEAKER_03Okay. If I go through this sober, it's fine. We're set up. Let's we're good to go. Let's do this.
SPEAKER_00So once you're all uh cleaned up and dressed, uh you can leave your quarters and the eigen is waiting for you, and you can head down to the hangar bay where Shuttle 6, currently uh named the Shack T, because this is the Yoda, all of the uh Sojourner class shuttles that you take on your missions are named after uh the current Jedi Council members. Um when well, depending on when you got here, uh Shuttle 6 used to be called the Yaddle, but they had to kind of paint over that.
SPEAKER_03Why? What's wrong with Yattle?
SPEAKER_00Well, Yattle got fucking murdered. Oh. Don't look at it, Illyria, don't look at it. You know, it's the Shack T. Uh, you can still see someone like that.
SPEAKER_06It's very disrespectful to remove somebody's name when they have sacrificed their life for the cause.
SPEAKER_00Uh yeah, uh I got a feeling you're gonna be seeing a lot more of that.
SPEAKER_03Now let's get on board. We w we don't like to look at the uncomfortable things.
SPEAKER_05I'll awkwardly pat Elyria on the back as we're boarding the Shack T. There, there.
SPEAKER_00And as as you guys are boarding hurriedly, uh one of the KR series uh protocol droids, KRY10, comes up and he says, Excuse me, excuse me. You haven't filled out all the proper paperwork to take the shuttle out on an expedition, Master Crintu. It's it's okay. Uh I'm just taking them on uh we'll be we'll be back, don't worry. Uh everything is fine. I have cleared it above your grade, droid.
SPEAKER_05Is he lying? Can I perceive?
SPEAKER_06I feel like so.
SPEAKER_05Can I can I perceive? Can I perceive it?
SPEAKER_06Yeah, I want to perceive.
SPEAKER_05I'm not gonna say anything if he is, but I can't because then it's like, oh, is Master Hall cool?
SPEAKER_03I wanna I wanna know how cool this fucking guy is.
SPEAKER_00Uh yeah, so this is perception against his deception. That's a two purple.
SPEAKER_03Ooh. Ooh, he's not good at deceiving.
SPEAKER_05One success to advantage, bitch, you lying.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, he's definitely lying about something.
SPEAKER_05Oh, I keep my mouth shut. I'm gonna I'm just gonna I'm gonna grill him about this once we're on the ship, but I'm not gonna say that.
SPEAKER_00And and the droid says Master Crintwood, all Jedi vessels are being No, not this one. This one, we're taking on an expedition. These orders came in from Coruscant before I left. So I'm cleared for this mission, and that's okay.
SPEAKER_05I'll kind of nod along, just like, yeah, yeah, he's cleared. I'm not gonna say anything, but just like, I support this, I support lying.
SPEAKER_00And the droid says. Very well. I cannot disobey a direct order from a Jedi. I will allow you to take this shuttle, Master Crinto. And Helen says, thank you. Now let's all get aboard.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, let's all get aboard.
SPEAKER_01Nothing suspicious at all happening.
SPEAKER_00So you can all get on board the shuttle. Uh, it's fairly large, Silhouette 4, about the size of a light freighter. Uh, the Sojourner class shuttles are kind of arrowhead-shaped, almost like much larger versions of the uh single-seater Jedi Starfighters. This one, because it is large enough, too, doesn't need a hyperspace docking ring, but it does need somebody to plot a course.
SPEAKER_05Okay. That's me. Oh no, no, not I'm not plotting courses on piloting. You plot the course.
SPEAKER_01We already got that figured out. Okay, good.
SPEAKER_06Sorry, some of us are just naturally talented.
SPEAKER_01Uh, Chris, you'll man the guns, and I am here for moral support.
SPEAKER_05Chris, get on the get on to the communications and surface.
SPEAKER_03Who's deal now? I I pat I pass my hand over my face and I make an acting like like actors do. It's just like okay, I'm ready.
SPEAKER_00So uh we'll need to course plot it to the Kalki Nebula because it is a uh nebula finding the planet buried within where they where Port Crush is located. Might be a little tough, so that'll be a two purple and a black astrogation.
SPEAKER_03What's our cover story here, by the way? Or do did we come up with one yet?
SPEAKER_00Uh you haven't come up with one yet. He's uh just rushing you onto the shuttle for some reason.
SPEAKER_03Hmm, suspicious. Very suspicious.
SPEAKER_06One success, three advantage. Okay.
SPEAKER_00So you can plot a course, and as you are kind of getting uh everything lined up with the ship's systems, uh you can, with those three advantages, also like kind of pull up a Hollonet feed as you're drawing this information, and you're seeing like a lot of very like urgent communications. There's like a lot of traffic, all the Hollonet like social media feeds are like insane. So apparently, this may be the reason why Hallan's trying to get you off the ship, it may not be, but apparently, um, while Hallan was away, something happened on a planet called Geonosis, and now there's a war on.
SPEAKER_05Oh! That happened fast up. Oh, fuck me. Like what once Elyria kind of tracks or plots the course, and we can kind of get into hyperspace, just like, okay, so what the fuck's going on, Alan? You're totally lying to that droid. What the fuck is happening?
SPEAKER_00Well, um, Elyria, I saw you pulling up some uh Holland information files back there. It's also partially the reason I brought Yigen along. So, uh something happened. Uh, there's this planet called Geonosis. There was a battle there between the separatists and somehow the Republic has gotten a hold of an army of clone soldiers. And while I was on Coruscant, they uh decided that the Jedi would all be generals and commanders in what they're starting to call the clone war. And I thought, well, that's probably not a good thing for a 12-year-old to be involved in, so I uh decided to bring Yigen along. And they sent a sort of a message back al along uh with me uh to tell the Jedi Service Corps to rendezvous back at Coruscant to see field deployment. So I'm just gonna give it some time to digest. I didn't want you guys to be thrown into things right away.
SPEAKER_03I raised my hand.
SPEAKER_00Uh yes. Why us? Yeah, it's you're my expedition group.
SPEAKER_05Aw, you do care about us.
SPEAKER_00Did you think I didn't?
SPEAKER_05Sh well, you know.
SPEAKER_03Can I can I can I can I roll a perception to see how much he cares about us?
SPEAKER_00Sure, this will be against his cool.
SPEAKER_03Is he lying about caring about us?
SPEAKER_01That'll be a two-red cool. I will also proceed how cool he thinks we are.
SPEAKER_03Uh, I got one success, two threats, and a triumph.
SPEAKER_05I got one success, one advantage. Is Elyria not gonna roll? Do you just assume he's telling the truth?
SPEAKER_01I got uh one success. Wow.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, so you uh you all kind of know that he cares about you. Oh Chris, you got those threats, so it does kinda hurt that it's like you were hoping that like he would take maybe one of you guys as a Padawan. Like maybe one of you could have become a Jedi again. Uh, but it doesn't seem like that's in the card. Because you got that uh triumph though, you can like tell that although like he does care about you a lot, there is something kinda more about this mission. It may be that, like, oh shit, the galaxies at war. If we had a planet that could heal people, that would be really useful. But it seems like this mission is a big deal to him. So if you guys can pull it off, that would really impress him.
SPEAKER_06Oh. Sir, not to intrude, but are you intending us to go AWOL? Should we not serve the Jedi Code?
SPEAKER_00Well, uh officially, my exploration group has not been ordered back to Corcant, so we are not breaking any code strictures or rules. The Jedi serve above all the living force, and if there is going to be a war happening, then I think that a planet that could heal people would be something that could avert a lot of death, don't you agree?
SPEAKER_06Agreed, Master.
SPEAKER_05Yeah. Don't you care about the greater good, Elyria? Come on.
SPEAKER_03I was not I Jeez, Elyria. I thought you cared about the people.
SPEAKER_06Yeah. I am calm. I do care about people. I do care about the greater good. I am all for this mission. I was just asking a question. Is it wrong to ask for clarification?
SPEAKER_01Of course it's perception. Perception to see how cool she is.
SPEAKER_06Pressed is Elyria. I'm not I'm not pressed.
SPEAKER_00Uh so Elyria has a yellow and a green cool, so that would be a red and a purple.
SPEAKER_03Oh shit, you actually have good cool. Red and a purple. Uh roll. Two success, one threat. I gotta wash. I'm pretty sure she's pressed, though.
SPEAKER_00How pressed is Elyria?
SPEAKER_06I'm just saying that if we go A-WOL, then that ruins all of our chances to remain in the Jedi service car.
SPEAKER_05Illyria, we're in the service car. Is this like we're not?
SPEAKER_06She still counts as serving the Jedi Code. We are still worthy.
SPEAKER_05We are still Illyria. We were given an either-or option between this and growing potatoes. Like, I'm not sure. Uh I'm not sure how prestigious you think what we're doing is is. Uh but yeah, you know, like we're serving the Jedi Order. It's great. Love it. Can't get enough of it. Can't get enough of it. Love it, of uh serving the Republic.
SPEAKER_00So as uh Hallan has kind of gone back into the main hold of the shuttle, he's taking off his boot. Since it sounds like he'll be going underwater, uh, he's taking his boot off, and he's got uh one mechanical leg up to his knee, and he's just kind of like wrapping it in plastic. And as he's busy doing that, Yigen says, Uh, so I hope it I you don't mind me asking, um, how did you guys end up in the service core?
SPEAKER_07Hmm.
SPEAKER_05Well, you know, how does anyone end up in the service corps? Lots of different reasons.
SPEAKER_02Starzan found apprenticeship disagreeable to his culture.
SPEAKER_03I took me with where the wind blew, and the wind eventually uh found out that I was trying to stay in school and not do anything with my life, so he sent me here.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, and you know how uh Master Halland like picks you up, you're like 12 years old, he's like, hey, you wanna come along and be my apprentice? Sometimes that just doesn't happen. Yeah, it'll died. Yeah, it'll died. It's a tough, it's tough for Elyria. Be sensitive.
SPEAKER_06Well, and some people are afraid to pick up a Padawan who's from a race of people who may lose it all once they pass puberty. Which hasn't happened yet. Just so you know, I am a full-grown adult and I uh still maintain a connection to a force, so.
SPEAKER_05Oh, so it's not losing the force that hasn't hap- It's not puberty that hasn't happened. It's losing the force that hasn't happened.
SPEAKER_00It hasn't hap- Is that something that can happen? It can just go away.
SPEAKER_06Not for everyone. It's just kind of a quirk of the chiss, but you know.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, and you know, sometimes you're a you're a kid and you're from a uh a group of people that is unfairly stigmatized as being entirely drug users, and people tend to have some preconceptions and they become a little reticent about taking you on as a pad one. But then you become an adult and life happens, and you know, shiplamo, here we are.
SPEAKER_06You see, it sometimes you put in your devotion and your work, and it's through no failing of your own, you end up in the service corps.
SPEAKER_05Yeah. You know, except for Chrissod, it's through his own failings entirely. They were purposeful, but for some of us, it's you know, shit happens sometimes.
SPEAKER_06Sometimes shit happens and you have to be with the slackers.
SPEAKER_03Honestly, shit happened with me, and that's why I'm here.
SPEAKER_05Don't love me in with Chrissod. Don't love Star in with Chrissod. Sorry, Chrissod, but like, you know, by your own admission.
SPEAKER_03Ah, none taken.
SPEAKER_06None taken. I'm just saying that not everyone can let go of their attachment to families and legacies, which doesn't make them ideal Jedi.
SPEAKER_00Well, I hope that I'm gonna be able to do that.
SPEAKER_05We're shaded. We're shaded, okay. We're shaded.
SPEAKER_00Because I really want to be a Jedi. And like, I heard that my family's rich, but I don't care about money or stuff like that. I just care about helping people.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, yeah. I'm glad that uh no one cares about money or legacies or uh, you know, good important families that are well looked upon. I'm glad that never matters to anyone else either.
SPEAKER_06It sounds like you're off to a great start.
SPEAKER_03What is that word? Altruistic? Ah, yes, beautiful word.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, what's that word? Nepatis No, it's you know what? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, again, I love this for you. Love this for you. I hope you have a long and illustrious career.
SPEAKER_00I even I even heard that shit. My old family donated a lot to the Jedi just to like to help me out. Oh really?
SPEAKER_06Yeah, huh.
SPEAKER_00To help me out. Oh, that's that's well, not me, to help everyone out. Can I come?
SPEAKER_06Sorry, when did you start training?
SPEAKER_00Well, I don't remember. I was I was like really little. I don't really remember my old family at all.
SPEAKER_05Alright.
SPEAKER_00Let's not yell at the child.
SPEAKER_05You don't see how that might have influenced, you know what? It's it's fine.
SPEAKER_03It's fine. It's okay. We're we are here we are here to do a mission and then we're gonna have a good time.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, you know what? Yeah, I get you're you're a great I you're gonna have a great career. Yiken, you're gonna it's gonna be good for you.
SPEAKER_03Let's go. Let's get let's sit down. Let's meditate. Let's sit.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, okay, breathe the next yeah, meditation, meditation, like Master Hal and fucking set or whatever. Okay. Let's do our meditations here. Help me out, Krissant.
SPEAKER_00Or so everyone can roll a uh discipline.
SPEAKER_05Everyone?
SPEAKER_00If you want to if you want to meditate.
SPEAKER_04I'm gonna meditate with it.
SPEAKER_00I will meditate.
SPEAKER_04Uh sorry, discipline? Yeah. This poor kid just says like one off-handed thing, and then suddenly these four angry-up adults have to go to the corner and meditate.
SPEAKER_01Wait, what's the role?
SPEAKER_00It's supposed to be a one purple. Uh, if you're particularly riled up, you can add a black. Are your jimmies rustled?
SPEAKER_05Uh my jimmies are pretty rustled right now.
SPEAKER_03Um success, two advantages. I got two success, two threat. You can add a black, Sarah, because you're I did add a black.
SPEAKER_05I did add a black. Damn it, Devin, I did.
SPEAKER_06Two success, two advantage.
SPEAKER_00Two success, two threat. So you can all meditate. Uh, but Kala and Starzan, like, Kala, you you notice how good Yigen is at meditating.
SPEAKER_05Fucking child piece of shit. It's fine.
SPEAKER_00And uh Starzan, you may you may just get bored halfway through.
SPEAKER_05Starzan hate meditation!
SPEAKER_01I just start like remembering chasing things in the jungle. It starts twitching.
SPEAKER_04You imagine a drum bee and you start flexing your muscles along with it.
SPEAKER_01Like when a cat is like, you know, fight sleep fighting.
SPEAKER_04You start wiggling your ass to count some things.
SPEAKER_00But uh, as you're meditating, uh the chime comes up uh from the cockpit, uh, indicating that you have reached your destination.
SPEAKER_03I guess I am up. What's our cover? What hey, uh what's his fucking name? I'm so bad with names.
SPEAKER_05Hallet, Master Hallet. I've I get credit, aren't you?
SPEAKER_03Master Ha uh Master Hallan, uh, what is our cover story when we come in here? Or do you have anything?
SPEAKER_00Well, uh, I think that might be up to you as our first contacts specialist.
SPEAKER_03So Okay, what is this place known for again?
SPEAKER_00Well, this is a pirate shadow port, port crush. Uh our ship, the Sojourner Transports, they uh aren't widely known as Jedi vessels. Our particular ship doesn't have any external markings bearing uh the Jedi Sigil, aside from the name Shack T, but um I don't think many of these pirates would necessarily know who that is. So I think we should be okay there. If we want to go in as Jedi, we could always do the old Jedi negotiation tactic. And he puts his hand on his hip like next to his lightsaber, the old uh put the lightsaber on the table trick. Or if you think it might be better to go in quietly, we could do that as well.
SPEAKER_03Could we be uh uh Jedi deserters, uh, here looking for uh here to uh uh bring out information so that we can join their ranks or something?
SPEAKER_00Well, if we know about the war, then there's a chance that the pirates do too. It would be a little suspect that uh the Order would have deserters so quickly, but uh You're a good liar, aren't you, Chris?
SPEAKER_05Yeah.
SPEAKER_00I mean, no.
SPEAKER_05Alright, or or Chris, it's like it's a shadow port. We could just be like looking for someone to uh buy some good stuff from.
SPEAKER_03My my decep my deception isn't great. My uh my uh charm is so I need to charm these fuckers.
SPEAKER_05That's what I'm saying. You say we're here trying to find some of the good stuff, you know, for both of us. That's not a lie. We're we're, you know, it's not a lie, Chris. That's true.
SPEAKER_00We are looking for some good stuff. In this case, it's uh coordinates to a hidden world.
SPEAKER_06Yeah, nothing. Not to be disrespectful, but I think we should play to our strengths, and those may be our strengths. Looking for good stuff?
SPEAKER_03Looking for good stuff? Okay. We should play to our strengths. And those are your strengths. Let's look. We are gonna look for some good stuff, yeah. Alright. Bring it on, pirate sir.
SPEAKER_00You can see ahead of you as you drop out of hyperspace in the nebula. You can see the planet that is home to the supposed sunken shaman temple and port crush. It is, as you might expect, covered in a lot of water, and as you might expect, as Hallen puts this like dusty, like dirty, grimy like uh data card into the ship's computer to bring up the exact location of the port. It is Is pretty deep underwater. And he says, Kala, uh, we should probably have full power to shields.
SPEAKER_05Uh yeah, let's uh set it up.
SPEAKER_00So you can flip the full power to the shields and dive the ship underneath the waves. Uh the hole begins to groan and creak as you get deeper and deeper. So why don't you uh roll a piloting check to keep it steady? Sure. Uh it is a spaceship, it's not necessarily designed to function underwater, but uh it is an expedition ship used by the Jedi, so it is fairly reinforced. Uh so this will be a two purple and a black piloting space.
SPEAKER_05Two purple and a black. One success, what advantage? Hello, are you sure this thing is ocean ready?
SPEAKER_00Uh no, but it's too late now.
SPEAKER_05Oh, great. Shit.
SPEAKER_01Much like a Tesla. We'll find out if it actually is capable of being underwater.
SPEAKER_05It's the cyber ship.
SPEAKER_00But your ship uh does manage to hold together as you bring it down to the depths. You can see uh eventually in the darkness as you get down deep enough where the sunlight of the planet does not reach this. Sunken temple is illuminated by what appears to be a Gungan bubble shield, protecting it from uh the crushing depth so that it can actually be used by people who do not have protection against this kind of thing. You can pass the ship, the number six, the Shakti. I don't know if you guys have a different nickname for it that you've come up with, but uh it is the number six the Shakti. And set it down amidst a bevy of other pirate-looking ships, and as you power the thing down, you can hear softly plopping on the roof of your starcraft fish that are uh absent-mindedly going through the bubble shield themselves and falling to their death.
SPEAKER_05Are they animal fish?
SPEAKER_03Are there things like waiting for them uh to die down there and then about to be served by a restaurant or something like that?
SPEAKER_00Well, so from uh the ship ship's cockpit, you can see you're in what at one point was uh quite a nice courtyard, but has been crudely cleared away to become a uh landing area for the pirate shadow port. And there are like as you can even see like these fish dropping and splatting on the ground in front of you uh every so often. And some of these, like, maybe they're pirates, maybe they're just like creatures who work and live there, but these like gross-looking amphibious wet fellows like crawl out from under ships and around rocks and things, and they come and they just start like licking up the remains with their long amphibian tongues. Hell yeah. Get that get that dinner.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, you're a weird lizard person. Do you love this, Chris? You wanna get out there and get a little slurp?
SPEAKER_03I don't know what kind of judgment you are passing on me, but thank you.
SPEAKER_05Listen, I'm just saying, if you want to get out and get a little slurp of fish, I would judge you at all.
SPEAKER_03And I'm looking at and I'm looking at judging the amount of time that I have, and I'm like, I get a little slurp of fish. Yeah. You're like, m maybe later. I'll s I'll bookmark this for the future.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, you get a little slurp on the way back.
SPEAKER_03Because this will go fine.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, it's gonna go fine. It always goes fine.
SPEAKER_03It always goes fine. Well, just our first mission, so it's the login for your alarm clock.
SPEAKER_05Remember that? It went fine, it always goes fine. Let's get out there and look for some good stuff.
SPEAKER_03I still think I got to contact high from that stuff.
SPEAKER_00And Halland, since you are going in as pirates as he's throwing on his poncho disguise and uh his Padawan is doing the same, they are locking their lightsabers into safe compartments because you do not want to be detected as Jedi.
SPEAKER_05Like, are they leaving them behind on the ship?
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_05You sure that's a good idea, Master Hallan?
SPEAKER_00Well, we're not Jedi today, are we?
SPEAKER_05Okay. I'm bringing my gun, but you know, okay, you do you.
SPEAKER_00I mean, hopefully we can solve this without excess violence, but uh we're We're about to go into a pirate ring.
SPEAKER_03Uh it makes sense to bring a weapon, just not lightsabers, because we are not Jedi today.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, you have another weapon?
SPEAKER_00I have everything I need up here, and he taps his fucking giant brain.
SPEAKER_05Oh, look at the Padawatch is like, do you have another weapon?
SPEAKER_00The force is my weapon.
SPEAKER_05Alright.
SPEAKER_03Under my breath, under my breath, I'm like, shut the fuck up.
SPEAKER_05Fucking show off.
SPEAKER_03Shut the fuck up. Get the fuck out of here.
SPEAKER_05I will mentally make a note, the child does not have a weapon. We are going into a pirate port. I'm just gonna keep that in mind.
SPEAKER_00Well, let's not be so sure. When I was observing her training, I did witness her hurl a small boulder the size of a large rock 30 feet.
SPEAKER_05Oh, a large rock, you say. You know what can throw very, very small rocks very, very fast. A gun. Gun. Anyways, you know what you're it's fine.
SPEAKER_00A slingshot!
SPEAKER_05Anyway, shall we exit?
SPEAKER_00You can exit. Uh, it smells like dead fish out here. Uh, that might be because of all the fish that are dead, but that might also be because of the pirates. Since this is an underwater pirate base, the vast majority of beings that you see are amphibious. Everything from Aqualish to Zarians, Gungans, uh, Quarrin, Monkalamari, uh, Carcrodons, just any anything that could go in the water is here. There are some land-dwelling species, but you are not in the majority. And you can see that they've kind of they haven't been kind to the temple. Uh, a lot of their technology, especially like the the bubble shield generator, has just kind of been crudely bolted on. There's like lights that have just been drilled in or shining, uh, these intense flood lamps everywhere, so you can see. Uh, there's these like crude neon holographic signs plastered up everywhere in the market inside the temple as everybody's hawking their ill-gotten wares and their hideous foods and whatever it is that they are trying to sell and to scam for other people.
SPEAKER_05Does Master Hallad shed a single tear at seeing what the temple has been reduced to?
SPEAKER_00Um, not that you notice. Like, these guys are these shamans are long dead. He's he seems like he is sort of very kind of intensely looking around at the temple, though. Like he's trying to. It seems like he's looking for something in specific.
SPEAKER_05So, uh, what are we watching out for, Master Hallad?
SPEAKER_00Well, uh, as Yigen mentioned earlier, these shaman that built this temple originally were Kravaki. Uh, we can notice that there are some Kravakki carvings still on the temple. We can see some of their script, some of their uh ideograms. There are a few remaining Kravaki statues. Uh unfortunately, I'm not very well versed in the Kravaki myself, so I'm not exactly sure what we're looking for, so we may have to uh look like we're not looking for anything.
SPEAKER_05But Eddie must be versed in the Kravaki.
SPEAKER_03I know I know how to uh look like you're not looking for anything, and then I I pull out out of my pocket a bunch of sunglasses for everybody to wear.
SPEAKER_00So uh if you want to know about the Kravacki, that could be that'll probably be a knowledge. It could be knowledge lore, it could be uh education if it's something that you may have like brushed up on on the way over here. Um you are on the outer rim, so it could be outer rim. I will do lore.
SPEAKER_01Uh my intellect. I'll do education.
SPEAKER_00Synology as well, yeah.
SPEAKER_06Oh, I have a rank in education? Fuck yeah. I mean, of course I do. You paid attention in school.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, so if you have a rank in something, then you probably, since Yigen did mention that, uh, like everything Yigen said, you already knew. Um so you can add a blue onto that because you got some of those advantages as well.
SPEAKER_06Look, some of us are too modest to uh brag about our education.
SPEAKER_05Instead of rolling to know about their Kravaki, would I be able to roll streetwise to see if I could maybe make sense of the sides and get a feel for uh what might be pointing where?
SPEAKER_00Uh yeah, if you want to kind of get your bearings, you could do streetwise or underworld as well. If you're not if you're looking more for uh getting the goods.
SPEAKER_03What about the uh uh how much for the Kravaki?
SPEAKER_00Uh so it'll be a two-purple regardless, but it'll have a black because you're also trying to remain a little bit inconspicuous.
SPEAKER_03Okay. That's what my sunglasses are for. Alright.
SPEAKER_06One failure for advantage?
SPEAKER_05I got three success to street wise. I'll take I'll take a pair of croissant sunglasses. Thank you.
SPEAKER_01I'll take the glasses too. What was what was the difficulty? Two purple and a black. Two purple and a black. Do these make Scarsan look cool?
SPEAKER_00Uh one success, one threat. Okay, so Starzan, you got success with threat. So looking at like the Kravaki statues and stuff, like you don't know too much about them. Um but what you do know is that like they seem to have like crustacean heads almost, which makes sense if they're down this deep, they probably have like something to pro to protect them from uh the pressure of the ocean. If like this wasn't something that was sunk, if this was just where they built their temple. So if you run into any crustacean creatures, you're like, oh, I know how to kill those. All the Kravaki are dead, unfortunately, but maybe there's some other crustacean aliens that it's like, hey, maybe I should pick up a hammer.
SPEAKER_05Just call you thinking about killing crabs. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Uh Kala, that was streetwise.
SPEAKER_05Yeah.
SPEAKER_00So you're just trying to get an idea of where everything is. So it seems like every uh room in this temple is kind of octagonally shaped. And in every room in this temple, each one of like the the sides of the octagon leads to a either a hallway that leads to another octagonal room, or just like out of the temple, but every side has a door. And you can see that like they seem to be there's an octagon in the middle, and then around it are several more octagons.
SPEAKER_05Okay.
SPEAKER_00And the main central area that you can see, it does seem to be where like the big you can see, you don't recognize them or anything, but you can kind of get a glimpse of somebody who appears to be the head honcho of this place, has kind of set up shop in like the big sort of central area of this temple. Uh, but you could also figure out if you're looking for anything specific in terms of like from the pirate market, you would also be able to find that.
SPEAKER_05Oh, so if there did look like there was anyone who might be pedaling impact.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, yeah, you can find drug dealers as well.
SPEAKER_05Sick.
SPEAKER_00Sweet. Uh Chris, you rolled lore for Kravaki. Um what you remember about the Kravakki, there have been uh a couple of like since you're in the Jedi Service Corps, what you mainly remember is there was a Kravaki Jedi master named Vodo Syosk Boss, who was like uh such a powerful Jedi master that he fought a Sith Lord with a stick and almost kicked his ass too. Not not super almost yeah, I mean he he died, but you know, it was pretty good.
SPEAKER_04It would have been super cool if you did win.
SPEAKER_00But it was like yeah, like a force-empowered stick. Uh so it's not maybe gonna be super useful, you know, about like this one guy, but it's like, hey, there was a Jedi. Once. And Illyria, uh, you got four advantage on education.
SPEAKER_06So And one failure.
SPEAKER_00And one failure. Uh so you don't really know that much about the Kravaki. You kind of found the same thing that Chris found. Like he maybe glanced over your shoulder when you were looking them up, and he's like, hey, a stick, cool. But but you read a little bit more about like uh these couple of Kravaki Jedi that have popped up over the years, but because you got those advantages, as you're looking around, you notice that like, huh. Uh so the Kravaki Jedi, like in the hollows and the pictures, they were always like, you know, crustacean head, two hands, long flowing cloak. But down here in the temple, it seems like the Kravaki uh that are being depicted don't look like that. They've got the crustacean head and they've got two hands, but then they've got like six other like tentacle limbs. So it seems like the Kravaki, like down in this temple, either the Kravaki that went out into the galaxy either like disguised themselves or uh otherwise hid like most of their tentacles. And you can see like in their hieroglyphics that are kind of running along uh some of the walls, you can see that one of their characters does resemble that uh sort of Kravaki disguise figure. One of their idiograms is like a disguised Kravakki. That wacky kravaki. Yeah, which uh potentially could be like if they have an ideogram, if they have a word that is drawn to resemble a Kravaki disguise, that could indicate they're hiding, that that character denotes something that's hidden.
SPEAKER_05Oh. A secret room, perhaps? We gotta look for an octagon with no door and one of those little symbols.
SPEAKER_06Yeah. Look for something that's drawn a little more crisply than the background.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, there are some books, but they're all porno.
SPEAKER_06Oh sick.
SPEAKER_00Hell yeah.
SPEAKER_06Can we go check out the thing?
SPEAKER_00Yeah, so if you want to keep your eye out for uh this Kravaki symbol, that would be a perception as you're kind of moving through the pirate den. Uh Kala, are you looking for drugs?
SPEAKER_05Yeah, well, everyone's percepting. Could I maybe like slip away if I saw a dealer? Because like I only have enough to get one dose, but I can at least get that in case of emergency.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, you can you can slip away and find a uh drug dealer. In case this drug deal goes south, we'll let you roll to see how that impacts everybody else's uh looking.
SPEAKER_05Okay, what would that be?
SPEAKER_00The drug deal went bad today. So uh you can you can find uh this sl like just a r or I guess a wretch would be the the closest thing to describe him as. He is one of the same types of creatures that was like waddling out from who knows where to slurp up the splatted fish on the ground.
SPEAKER_05Yum.
SPEAKER_00And he's like covetously like holding his cloak closed in a corner, hunched over. He's got like these bulbous eyes. He looks like a fucking like rankin' bass golem creature. Am I sure he's a drug dealer? Is you flasher? And he says, I have what you need if you want to get hey.
SPEAKER_01Okay, he has a flasher.
SPEAKER_05Oh, uh, you got uh any impact? You got impact?
SPEAKER_00I can help you make an impact.
SPEAKER_05Do you got any impact?
SPEAKER_00I have all sorts of things. You have monies to trade.
SPEAKER_05I have enough for a dose of impact. Do you have the fucking impact or not?
SPEAKER_00Oh, desperate to buy. Yes, I have impact.
SPEAKER_05Okay, how much for a dose of impact?
SPEAKER_00And he opens his coat to kind of show you, and he is nude under there.
SPEAKER_05I don't care about it. What do you got? I've seen it before.
SPEAKER_01It's not all a ruse or something.
SPEAKER_05I get flashed by Starzan every morning when he wakes up. Fuck it.
SPEAKER_00300.
SPEAKER_05300. Look, I go 150. I give you 150. I give you 150.
SPEAKER_00It's uh negotiation?
SPEAKER_05Sure.
SPEAKER_00Okay, so this'll be a uh negotiation against his negotiation, so that'll be a two red and a purple.
SPEAKER_05Ah! Two red and a purple.
SPEAKER_03You should have brought me along so I could charm him.
SPEAKER_05Well then I brought me a breakaway with two of you. Two people. What do we have for destiny?
SPEAKER_00Uh, you've got five.
SPEAKER_05I give flip one to downgrade a red. One failure and a threat.
SPEAKER_00Oh, now it's gonna be double. And you can see, like, in like the the kind of collapsed hallway of this temple, sticking their heads out from behind the rocks or more of these like weird rankin' bass golem creatures. And he says, We only accept our price. You have monies or no.
SPEAKER_05Uh, f screw you guys, you guys fucking suck. I'll just leave. I'll leave. I'll see if I can find a different one.
SPEAKER_00So you can you can leave. Uh so everybody else then uh is looking for uh the mission objective.
SPEAKER_05I don't even get the drugs out of this shit.
SPEAKER_00So since you're down a person, uh you can all add a black to this. Uh you know what you're looking for, it's just like on the walls, uh, so it's not gonna be hard, but you do want to remain incognito. You do have somebody who's not uh doing their part, so that'll be uh purple and two blacks. And it'll be perception.
SPEAKER_06God. How are we like better people as shitty underworld schlubs than we are as like Jedi Oscars?
SPEAKER_00It's my first day.
SPEAKER_06It's my first day as this character. It's my first day. I didn't learn how to be good yet.
SPEAKER_05Listen, I'm trying to do my part. That's why I'm trying to make sure I'm at my best, and I'm at my best when I'm, you know, medicated.
SPEAKER_07One success, one advantage.
SPEAKER_06Three failure, one advantage. I'm just glad there's only three roles that require per uh presence because yikes.
SPEAKER_05That's what Chris is for. It's fine.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, Chris, are you looking?
SPEAKER_03Yeah, I may as well. One advantage, nope.
SPEAKER_00Okay, so uh Chris and Elyria can't see anything. Starzan, uh, he is a hunter by trade. And you know, these characters, these idiograms, look enough like like they're designed to look like people, so he's like, ah, that looks like a thing I can kill. Uh so you can follow uh these ideograms, uh, and because you all got advantage, like Starzan, may I don't know how focused you are, maybe uh Illyria and Chris can kind of stop you before you go too far, but it seems like uh these ideograms are leading you like right to the central chamber where the big kahuna pirate is, and you can see like on the back wall of where he's kind of made his throne is a uh like a bas-relief, like a sculpted wall mural that depict Kravaki uh wearing their outworlder disguises. So it's like it seems like it's right behind his throne. Maybe it's like a false wall or something, but it seems like what you're looking for is right behind his throne.
SPEAKER_02Over there.
SPEAKER_05Can I uh pull up after you guys have already found it? Just like so what's happening?
SPEAKER_03Uh and uh and I just kind of like um point out your nose a little bit, you got a little bit left there.
SPEAKER_05And I just try to get jack shit, man. You try to embarrass me.
SPEAKER_00And Yagin's like, what are you looking for, Kala?
SPEAKER_01Oh, pardon? Perfectly timed cough.
SPEAKER_03Oh, she just oh, she just had to go in pee, so she did it in an alley. So, uh, what is this thing that we're looking at? This crustacean?
SPEAKER_00Uh this crustacean? And Hall and he's like f his like brow furrowed, he's like standing, he's kind of like got his foot like on a rock, and he's kind of resting his hand on his knee a little bit, and and he looks very heroic. He's a very handsome man. And he says, I'm sensing something behind that sculpture.
SPEAKER_03Oh target. Shall we take a look? Uh should I uh should I go first? I'm the one that can fight the least likely, so I'll get that pirate.
SPEAKER_00Look at him, he's a sawvax.
SPEAKER_05What's a sawvax?
SPEAKER_03Can I can I can I roll something to learn a little bit more about either his culture or just sort of like Um If you want to learn about his culture, I mean you can see him.
SPEAKER_00So these Sauvacs are uh like these two-meter tall uh lobster men. He's got like uh he's got the classic, like, muscular, like V-shaped torso, huge arms, shoulders ending in these giant, like crushing claws. Uh his body is sitting on six like giant crab legs, his head and neck is like thick as hell. Am I more
SPEAKER_06I'm just thinking about the lobster bodybuilder from SpongeBob now. I was thinking of him too.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, he's basically that with six legs.
SPEAKER_07Hell yeah.
SPEAKER_05Well, like, okay, that guy's like, he's real big and muscular. Starzan, what if you go on like, I don't know, swap workout tips with him, I'll sneak behind. I'm real low, no one ever notices me.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, you are prepared. You are you you you do remember how to kill lobsters. That did that did.
SPEAKER_01I will I will approach him with like a look of like, hmm. Impressed, yes. If you want to side. If he looks up at me, I'll be like, Starzan, the Starzarian.
SPEAKER_03I'll I'll stand beside you to see uh just in case like something is wrong is said. In case he didn't charm things over.
SPEAKER_00Hey, hey, excuse me, what's this uh what's this glistening thing here? What's this oily guy? Is he is he new? Starzan was wondering what you bench. What I bench? Uh I can bench I benched like a land speeder the other day when I was working out. How about you? Oh, that's pretty cool. Uh is this little guy? Who let him in? Who said he could come in? I'm eating, I'm having my lunch.
SPEAKER_02Lifting the rock of Multanor.
SPEAKER_03He is teaching me the ways of the Starzan.
SPEAKER_00Who are you? Are you his like uh what are you carrying? Are you as uh caddy? You look like his caddy. I am his a I am his assistant. Uh, what do you assist him in? Do you get him like protein shakes and stuff? Whatever he whatever the master wants, master gets. Okay, but why are you talking to me interrupting my lunch? Hmm. Did you not see the giant cauldron of boiled chicken and broccoli?
SPEAKER_03My boy Starzan here saw uh saw you from across the room and really dug your vibe. What are you getting Starzan into?
SPEAKER_00Not there's there are a few who can resist the allure of the illustrious bisque.
SPEAKER_03Oh no. That sounds delicious. Oh no. Any anyways, he was wondering if he he was wondering if you had any uh if you had any tips of the trade. And I'm try I'm trying to become a big strong man like you as well. Uh so I am curious as well. How do you become big and strong like you are?
SPEAKER_00I mean, uh I do a lot of fucking roids, um, but also you gotta lift stuff. You gotta list lift heavy stuff. But again, I am the illustrious bisque, you're interrupting my lunch. I ask you again, who said you could come in here if you don't give me a good answer, I'm gonna fucking snap your necks with my big claws.
SPEAKER_03Oh, you don't want oh, you don't want to do that. Oh, we were just here looking for some of the good uh some of the good stuff. We hear you got some uh pu uh party favors around here.
SPEAKER_00You want some f you This is Port Crush. You gotta come down here in a ship that's rated for crushing depth. There's fucking fish like falling through the ceiling every five seconds? Look at all these look at all these mean motherfuckers over here. There you got that look at that guy, he's got like an ass on his chin. That guy's saying misa musa, but he's fucking tearing people apart. That guy's just a shock, man. What the fuck are you coming in here for steroids? You want some gear from me? The illustrious bisque? What the f why? Are you out of your mind? You are aware of the power of the staroid. I don't know what the fucking steroid is, man. I just want to eat my lunch. Or I'm gonna- you know what? Fuck it. I I sick of you guys, you didn't give me a straight answer. I'm I'm getting up off my chair and I'm gonna fucking smash you.
SPEAKER_05Wait, while they're doing all that, can I try to stealth behind this guy to to open up this door so maybe I could just take a peek in and then come back before it uh gets to this point?
SPEAKER_01We have successfully distracted him quite a bit.
SPEAKER_03He's very distracting. I would hope so, yeah.
SPEAKER_01Is there some sort of distraction role I can make to help her on this?
SPEAKER_00Um this will just be against his his uh let's see. I'll cause it would be either vigilance or perception. Since uh you are distracting him, I'll have her roll it against whichever is lower.
SPEAKER_05Okay.
SPEAKER_01Assist by being an absolute unit.
SPEAKER_05Look at this shiny clump of a man.
SPEAKER_00By being very confusing in your intent. I just wanted to compare muscles, dude. Um, so they're actually the same, so I'll just uh it'll be against three purple, but I'll give you a blue.
SPEAKER_05There you go. Okay, three purple and a blue. We'll see what happens. Uh four success, but one threat.
SPEAKER_00So uh you can sneak around as they're discussing boiled broccoli and whether or not he's gonna smash you with his giant claws. Uh you can sneak back around to the mural, and you can find inlaid is the uh Kravaki uh ideogram for uh a secret or for hiding or for whatever it is, and it does seem to like have some give. So you can press the button, and then the wall loudly begins to like rise into the ceiling, and he turns around and he says, What the fuck is that?
SPEAKER_03Uh can I dart it to have earthquakes in it? It feels like an earthquake. Oh shit.
SPEAKER_00And you can see that as the door is opening, there's this like large, it may have it may be that it's flooded, but it may just be like a pool. But you can see this large hidden behind this wall, and you can see even through the water at the bottom, there is like a lot of glittering plunder that had not been looted. And Bis can see this and he says, Holy shit everyone, there's some more treasure. Yeah. Did you did you do this? Did you come to this plunder? Because I can see that chicken, she's kind of dressed the same way as you, y'all wearing that's that same color.
SPEAKER_05Can everyone run in here or we can see if we can shut the door behind us?
SPEAKER_03We have never seen her, Dan oh. Uh I'm not a very good liar. Should I should I never lie to you, my friend? Should I hit this guy?
SPEAKER_05Yeah, punch him again, yes, in here, all of you! Mr. Helen Yigen, come on!
SPEAKER_00Punch this guy through the Z-wall. Yeah, Helen and and Yigen, uh, they join you, Elyria. Are you uh are you joining as well?
SPEAKER_06Yeah.
SPEAKER_00You're sneaking around.
SPEAKER_06Now that I don't have to sneak.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. And uh you're going to attack him, Starzan?
SPEAKER_01This is correct. Okay. A. I guess I am I'm not gonna use I'm not gonna bring a sword into this. So I'm just gonna go with a classic punch. Or a grapple, maybe?
SPEAKER_05A good old-fashioned kapow.
SPEAKER_01A grapple? Because then he has to prove he's stronger than me to break out of it. Ooh. And there's extra home eroticism.
SPEAKER_05You're so lately already.
SPEAKER_01Because it's not necessarily debilitating. It'll distract him. Okay. Uh so this would be a brawl. Okay. I do have um. I'm back to quick strike. Yeah, I missed you, Quick Strike.
SPEAKER_00Okay, so if you have quick strike, because I was gonna um have you first roll against his uh vigilance, but if you have quick strike, I'll just let you roll uh opposed brawl versus brawl. Yeah.
SPEAKER_05Hell yeah, Stasia getting up.
SPEAKER_00Uh so this will be a four-red brawl.
SPEAKER_01How coincidental.
SPEAKER_00And I guess I had uh blue, right? Yeah. Excellent. You've been salivating over lobster. Alright. One success, one threat. So you can get him into a grapple because you did get that threat. He's also got you in a grapple, so as you're grappling each other. You can't escape him, but he can't escape you either. So you're kinda like you're locked in, sweaty and and glistening. Buttery. Yeah. Like some of his uh some of his uh cock swings are coming with the hot melted butter saying, Well, we'll get you out, sir, we'll get you out, we'll we'll make it.
SPEAKER_04Meanwhile, we'll make it well, our cock swings are already at the end of the day.
SPEAKER_01What was the thing in the earlier? Yeah, dick-to-dick contact. Dick-to-dick contact. The wrestling- it's a wrestling maneuver.
SPEAKER_00What's the thing they say when they're doing a uh a love scene? I apologize if I get an erection and I apologize if I don't. Perfect. So as as they're grappling, uh, the rest of you run into this flooded pool, and you can see uh the glittering of uh the shaman's uh secret valuables that have been kept away from the pirates low these many centuries or millennia. And also you can see a shadow moving beneath the waves. Uh it seems like there is a living being in there as well.
SPEAKER_05Uh hold up, what kind of living being?
SPEAKER_00Uh, if you want to roll a knowledge analogy to try and identify it, it is obscured a little bit by the water. It is very deep under there.
SPEAKER_05Okay, I ha I have Hunter, which adds a blue per rank of hunter to all checks when interacting with beasts or animals. Would this qualify?
SPEAKER_00I would say this would qualify.
SPEAKER_05Okay.
SPEAKER_00Uh so it is obscured, so that is gonna add uh we'll say two blacks, um, and it is a little odd. We'll give you a one purple and two black.
SPEAKER_05Okay.
SPEAKER_00Let's see.
SPEAKER_05Hmm, three failures but three advantage.
SPEAKER_00Uh so the failure is like it couldn't possibly be, because that they don't come this big. Uh it looks like, based on the sh like the silhouette that you can see in the water, it looks like a Dianoga, but it's way too big.
SPEAKER_05Oh no! Ho ho ho ho ho ho What is a Dianoga again? Uh that's the trash compactor monster.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, so lots of tentacles. But it but huge. Oh.
SPEAKER_05That's a big Dianoga. Big Dianoga, huh?
SPEAKER_00And Helen says there are Jedi legends of uh Leviathan creatures being created or embellished by the force. This may be something that the shamans made to uh keep their treasures safe.
SPEAKER_05Shit. Right. Um, okay, so that door is still wide ass open, huh? Is Star Z able to get in here, so we maybe shut it before people get in?
SPEAKER_01I'm gonna have to let go of the guy. Yeah, you'd have to let go of the.
SPEAKER_03I mean, if you let go of him and then just run into here, maybe the uh the trash compactor monster will just like, you know, eat these guys up.
SPEAKER_05Oh my god, you like squelch away and then you just slide on the melted butter right into the door.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, you are you are slippery. They are pouring melted butter on you to try and uh get you guys apart. That just makes it sexier.
SPEAKER_05Hell yeah. Uh now we smell like popcorn. I love that.
SPEAKER_01Should I should I try and let go of him and then come in or just like back us both in?
SPEAKER_05If you think you kill him once we're both in.
unknownYeah.
SPEAKER_05Or throw him to the dinoga, I guess.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, I'll try it. Can I how difficult would that be?
unknownYeah.
SPEAKER_01I ir I Irish whip him into the Dianoga.
SPEAKER_00So this would probably be um an athletics. Oh, you don't say. Yeah, so this would be against his athletics. Uh so this would be against uh five purple.
SPEAKER_05Ooh.
SPEAKER_00I can do it.
SPEAKER_05You do it. But you got destiny points if you need him.
SPEAKER_01Oh yeah, I'll do that. I keep forgetting that.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, but you got so much light side today. Three success. Nice!
SPEAKER_00So you can uh how do you how do you move him over? How do you get him over there?
SPEAKER_01Uh as the wrestling tradition goes, I I like grab him by the arm and like pull him, and the uh momentum makes him keep running. As he goes into the raid into the dino. Just slam him into the corner of the ring. Oh, I could do that. Yeah, I'm already holding him, so I could just like throw him overhead.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, throw him through him in the room. Uh so once once uh they're in um call it do you uh shut the door so these pirates can't yeah. So you can hit the button and the stone wall is balls back down, slams back down, there's dust kicked up everywhere, as this lobster uh is thrown into the pool, and before he even hits the water, a tentacle lashes up a giant tentacle, wraps around him and drags him under. And then there's a few moments of stillness, and then just like shards of like lobster chitin just like start floating up to the surface. Nasty.
SPEAKER_05Uh, nature's beautiful, isn't it? Ain't it just?
SPEAKER_00Now it says nature is beautiful, but nature's also in our way. I believe that the coordinates we seek are in that pool.
SPEAKER_05Well, I mean it's it's had a a meal now. It might be satiated. You got your uh, you know, maybe those of you who have the woo-woo, maybe you could settle it on down, you know, calm it down and so we can go swimming on in. I know we all have the woo-woo or the Jedi Service Corps and everything, but you know, like specialized woo-woo.
SPEAKER_03What is a woo-woo?
SPEAKER_05You know, the woo-woo. Yigen, what's your woo-woo specialized for?
SPEAKER_00Uh, I can throw a small boulder the size of a large rock.
SPEAKER_05Oh, that's that's that's it. That's the uh oh.
SPEAKER_00I mean I can do lots of other stuff, but that's kind of what I'm I'm best at.
SPEAKER_03That's that's a small boulder the size of a large rock. You mean like uh big rock.
SPEAKER_05Big rock.
SPEAKER_03Like how big? Big as my head or bigger?
SPEAKER_05As big as a small boulder.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, but okay, never mind.
SPEAKER_05Chris, I don't understand why this is difficult to comprehend.
SPEAKER_03I sh I just would I I I wouldn't mind a a si like what size it is. Small boulder can mean anything.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, this was the size of a large rock. Master Helsin! Hallen, not Helsin, it's the wrong game. We're not playing Baldur's game, Master Hallen.
SPEAKER_00Yigen's uh telekinetic aptitude is refined enough that uh should any of you want a closer look without breaking the surface of the water, she should be able to hold you steady.
SPEAKER_05But what if we looked around this because it's like it's like glass uh walls on this thing, right? Or is it just like a a pool or a colour? It's like it's like a cave.
SPEAKER_00You're in a a cave and you're kind of on what what account what what kind of uh amounts to a shore in this place is just this small sort of strip of land that you're all on.
SPEAKER_05So it's not like a tank.
SPEAKER_00No, it's just uh an underground, water-filled, flooded cave.
SPEAKER_05Because like, if it's if it's had a meal and like ha yigen is able to like flow one of us over top who has like good perception, who is good at perceiving things, who has good eyes, and maybe they can spot it and then like you know, use that the lifting to put us down, use that mental lifting, the small boulder the size of a large rock to lift out the coordinates or whatever it is we're laughter. Huh?
SPEAKER_03Now is the boulder a size of a car, or is it the size of a clock?
SPEAKER_05The size of a small rock, god damn it, Chris.
SPEAKER_03He said small rock He says small rock.
SPEAKER_05It's a small boulder the size of a large rock, Chris.
SPEAKER_03I think of pebble.
SPEAKER_05Mr. Sant! A large rock, I misspoke. A small boulder the size of a large rock. Bigger than your alarm clock.
SPEAKER_03Bigger than my alarm clock. See, it's that's a start.
SPEAKER_00Well, in in my training assessments, I've been able to hold aloft uh uh training weights that are what are designated as silhouette one.
SPEAKER_03A person sized. So a person sized. Okay, okay, let's see.
SPEAKER_05There we go. So, like, who who's who's got the best peepers? Who's the best at spotting things?
SPEAKER_00And uh Hal, and he kinda claps you on the back, Kala, and he says, Now, uh, I know I've been gone for a little while, but uh, aren't you trained in the art of uh seeking lost things, Kala?
SPEAKER_05I I I am, yeah. Okay, I am so I'm gonna get floating. I got keen eyes. It's just, you know, that's a it's a big dyno.
SPEAKER_00Or is that rifle strapped to your back just for show?
SPEAKER_05Okay, you know what? You know what, Hallan? You woke me up at three in the morning. I don't need this sass.
SPEAKER_00I mean, if you would like to hit the front lines, then uh we can arrange for that, but Oh, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay.
SPEAKER_05Sorry, master, settle.
SPEAKER_00Oh, we need fun. All in good fun.
SPEAKER_05Oh, sure, sure, it's all in good fun. Okay.
SPEAKER_03A lot of people say is the guitar I carry around is only for show.
SPEAKER_05You carry around a guitar?
SPEAKER_00It's so small it's a ukulele. He just uses it for apology videos.
SPEAKER_03And that's and I still know. And I still don't know how to play it.
SPEAKER_00He can play Wonder Wall on the ukulele.
SPEAKER_03On the ukulele.
SPEAKER_05Well, you play a little bit. He moved he but he can play like the first six bars, and then it's like leaves it up to the girls at the party to finish the rest. I don't practice Santeria.
SPEAKER_03And then and then I s and then I stop, and then I point, and then they finish it, and then we all have fun.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, then they swoon.
SPEAKER_03And then they swoon.
SPEAKER_05Okay, and then we're gonna go.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, Chris beguiling pheromones. Can you make the Dianoga fall in love with you?
SPEAKER_05You make him wanna fuck ya? I don't know if that's something we may be having happen in front of this 12-year-old either. Lot of tentacles on that thing. Okay, Yigen, are you gonna float me and I'll look?
SPEAKER_00So, uh, Yigen, uh, she starts concentrating. Uh, she is only a Padawan, so she does only have force rating one. She is 12 years old.
SPEAKER_05Let me my fucking life in the hands of a 12-year-old, goddammit.
SPEAKER_03It's crazy that one of us had to re-roll a character after the first episode.
SPEAKER_00Okay, so oh, two lights.
SPEAKER_04Cool.
SPEAKER_00So, uh, she uses that uh to one to activate the power, one to increase uh the silhouette size to one. So she floats you uh uh short range, so like, you know, like 20 feet out over the pool.
SPEAKER_05Oh, I love this, okay.
SPEAKER_00And uh those of you who are still on shore, you can see that she is like kind of like there there's these beads of sweat that are kind of starting to form on her temples. Like she's really n trying to not drop Kala into the pool with the giant monster. You can do it.
SPEAKER_03We just fed it, so shouldn't have a uh appetite.
SPEAKER_05It's a very big Dianoga. That's oh I got two dark sides. Ooh. You know what I'm floating above this Dianoga pit. I know you're not gonna like it, Master Hall, but I'm using them. So I gained insight into the general location or direction of a person or object I know about regardless of current distance.
SPEAKER_00Okay, those dark sides. So you are afraid of falling in, uh, and you can locate the sort of exact position of what you're looking for. There is an old, like ancient, like metal, like hyperspace coordinates card, like a kind of plug-and-play punch card that is down at the bottom of the pool, and you can feel that it is what you're after. And right now it is like kind of resting under like the thickest portion of one of this Dianoga's tentacles close to its body.
SPEAKER_05Okay, good news and bad news, everybody. I know where it is. The bad news is where it is. Um right under a tentacle, right at the bottom, big metal case. Any ideas, any suggestions?
SPEAKER_00Uh, since uh before you guys talk, before since this is kind of a new round as well, I'm just gonna have Yaigan see if she can keep this up. Uh one dark side. She's not gonna use it. You feel yourself falling towards the water, and then you stop and you look back towards the shore, and like you can like feel like Hallan holding you and bringing you back to the shore.
SPEAKER_05You left my life in the hands of a twelve year old. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
SPEAKER_00I'm sorry, I I thought I thought I could do it. I thought I could do it.
SPEAKER_03No, no, no, no, no, it's okay, it's okay. It's uh we all are beginners at one Point in time, it's okay. I I'm I'm really I'm really sorry. I'm really sorry, Kala.
SPEAKER_05It's fine. It's fine. Basta Halan caught me. I'm not dead. Otherwise, I'd be haunting you. But it's fine.
SPEAKER_03It's fine. Did you see you said you saw a tentacle. Was there any uh glowing orange pustules that we could shoot?
SPEAKER_05I didn't see any fuck me spots on it. I uh it was just a regular looking tentacle.
SPEAKER_00Hmm, fuck me indeed. Though Chris does raise a good point, if this is indeed a Leviathan and it is a uh created being, then it may not be entirely stable, and it may in fact have some, as you say, fuck me spots, though that's not the term I would use.
SPEAKER_03What term would you use?
SPEAKER_00Well, uh postules is probably more accurate. Hmm. Not just weak spots? I would have c my PG version would have been weak spots. Well we don't know what form they take. They could be pustules, they could be uh but yes, weak spots. There may be a weak link in the chain, as it were.
SPEAKER_03I said PG version as if there's an MPAA.
SPEAKER_05Now this episode's gonna get totally censored. So like, okay, what if uh because, you know, obviously that thing's underwater. Um, I d I can't remember if anyone if it was mentioned seriously or as a joke, but you know, Chris, you do have your uh, you know, your your thing, your folly thing, your pheromone thing. Maybe you could lure it out, then we could like, you know, take it out.
SPEAKER_03So it can get me in my fuck me spots? Sorry, child. So it can get me in my weakness spot?
SPEAKER_05Well, like, you know, you're quick, you can run, right?
SPEAKER_03Not really. Not really. I mean, okay, I got three ag I got three agility, I can run a little bit.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, like if it if it likes you, it's not gonna kill you or eat you. It's just gonna wanna cut all a bit, right?
SPEAKER_03Oh, I that's why you're wrong. Things that like me eat me all the time.
unknownNo.
SPEAKER_05I'm not gonna ask you to elaborate on that. I don't wanna know.
SPEAKER_03Alright, so how do how do I do how do I do these pheromones and where should I do them here?
SPEAKER_00Uh well, does anyone know anything about Dianogas and how they do?
SPEAKER_05I might. Hang on. Would that be zoology?
SPEAKER_00Um, yeah, you guys have kind of identified it. Now you're looking for more kind of specific information, so this would probably be like a three purple.
SPEAKER_05Okay, would I be able to uh add a blue again for a hunter?
SPEAKER_00Hunter, uh yeah.
SPEAKER_05Yeah. For interacting with animals. Three success, one threat. Ooh. Uh what advantage.
SPEAKER_00So, uh Illyria. Uh you you do know things about Dianogas. They are not uncommon. Um a lot of them, like, sometimes people like intentionally grow them uh so that they will like devour like trash in trash compactors and stuff. Uh so they they do kind of exist uh across the galaxy. And what you know is that this this threat is maybe more of a uh threat for Chris because uh Dianogas, although it's never really been like studied for sure, but it has been kind there has been some research that's gone into whether or not Dianogas are sentient, and the answer is maybe.
SPEAKER_03Mmm, science indeed.
SPEAKER_00So a Dianoga could definitely potentially be affected by a falling's pheromones if its sensory organ uh was exposed to them in the right way, which means either dunking Chris in the water or finding a way to lure it out.
SPEAKER_06I thought you were gonna say just in case it had like a falling X. Oh my god, it reminds me of him.
SPEAKER_00Dianovas do also have some um like camouflage abilities. They are able to sort of modify the color of their skin. Some of this could be a mating display. Uh, falling also have the ability to do that to some degree. So you m you might be able to seduce the Dianoga, unfortunately. Hell yeah.
SPEAKER_03What do you mean, unfortunately?
SPEAKER_05We go where no man has ever gone before. I but I take out some breath spray, I'm like, listen, if if you you maybe get dunked and then run out of the water and see if it follows you back up, and then once it's out, we all just like shoot it.
SPEAKER_01Come here, big boy. I do just kinda want to grapple it, but I feel like that's gonna be a big mistake. Probably better at grappling than I am.
SPEAKER_05Does have a lot of tentacles. Can you grapple from 20 paces? Do you have that ability?
SPEAKER_01God? I don't think you do at the moment. No. It's my first day.
SPEAKER_05It's my first day. I'm new, I'm just a little guy. Well, I I'll ready my rifle and uh Chris do your thing, I guess.
SPEAKER_03Alrighty. Do I roll anything for this?
SPEAKER_00Um, so using your pheromones, uh, that is a uh you take two strain and you can upgrade a charm deception or negotiation check.
SPEAKER_05Uh, I will do a charm. Oh, you do a little baiting dance at the edge of the pool.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, so how are you are you trying to get it out of the water, or are you gonna go in the water? Are you gonna chance that?
SPEAKER_03Um, I'd rather get it out of the water if I can handle that. If I if I can do that. Maybe like just uh inject the water with my pheromones a little bit.
SPEAKER_00So that is going to be uh a little bit harder. Um so this this Dianoga uh doesn't have much for cool. Uh so if you pull this off successfully, but it is uh so it'll start as one purple, but it it is a Dianoga, it's not like a uh a fully sentient being, or at least it's not uh on the same level as the rest of you guys, so that's gonna add a black. It is in the water, so you're gonna have to draw it out, and that's gonna add uh another black. So, and because uh it is a huge monster, I'm gonna give you a destiny point. We'll call that a red and two black charm.
SPEAKER_03I can take away a black. Uh how many destiny points do we got?
SPEAKER_00Four.
SPEAKER_03Okay. Uh I'm not gonna use one because I'm already at if I'm upgrading a roll, then I'm already at three yellow and one green.
SPEAKER_05So holy shit, you're stacked for a charm.
SPEAKER_03Right. I got three success and an advantage. Nice.
SPEAKER_00So you can do what do you do? Like a like a little fan dance you put on a what kind of performance do you put on?
SPEAKER_03I kinda I kind of like sit by the water and I I I with my hand I just kind of like move it back and forth just to make some ripples and waves and stuff like that. So you're not gonna do like You're showing it what that finger do? So it just kinda just kinda uh so uh uh soulfully and what have you, just waiting for something to pop out uh pop out and just waiting for it to pop out. Sultrally, yeah. Well it could be soulfully, you could have Yeah Yeah, fuck you soul.
SPEAKER_05Oh no. So you're not gonna do like the wacky, wavy, inflatable man dance.
SPEAKER_01I'm just picturing like uh Bugs Bunny and Drag kind of thing.
SPEAKER_03A little. That's kind of what I'm going for a little bit, yeah.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_03Anyways, yeah, I'm just I'm just kind of like sit sitting by the wa water with my hand with my hands in the water. Uh just kind of like uh uh moving my hand back and forth, make uh making ripples and uh putting some of the uh putting some of my pheromones through my hands into the water if I can do that.
SPEAKER_00So so your hand is like the little Dianoga. Yeah.
SPEAKER_05It's your little Dianoga.
SPEAKER_00I mean, it could be it could be a big Dianoga that's just far away. Dianogas do only have one eye, so they probably have shit depth perception.
SPEAKER_01Ironic, because they live in the depth.
SPEAKER_00Ah. So uh as you're doing this, uh, after a moment there is some like ripples near the surface, and you do see the single stock eye of the Dianoga pop up out of the water. Can I shoot it? You can shoot it. So this thing is pretty big, it's got two ranks of adversary. Um this pool is quite large. So where it's popping up, because what kind of gun do you have?
SPEAKER_05Yeah, it's popping the slug thrower.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, so it's popping up at medium range.
SPEAKER_05Okay.
SPEAKER_00So a little bit a little bit further away uh from where that tentacle is, a little bit back from that is where the eye pops up. Uh so it'll be two reds as it pops up.
SPEAKER_05Ooh, two reds. Okay. Uh we'll see. For success to threat.
SPEAKER_00So you can uh fire your slug thrower rifle. Uh a bullet pops its eye. Uh it just explodes in this sort of chunky, viscous burst. Uh, the squib goes off, and the eye ducks back under the water, and then the water, like, it's like a wave pool. It starts really churning as it starts flailing its giant tentacles out of the water trying to slap whatever it was that shot it. It's thrashing around blindly now.
SPEAKER_05Oh uh, my part. Or the tentacles, is that big tentacle off the chest at least?
SPEAKER_00Um, yeah, it's probably off of what you're looking for, but uh the tentacles are trying to smash you guys now. It doesn't really know where you are, but it knows where you were.
SPEAKER_03It only had the one eye, correct?
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_03Can we electrocute this water somehow? Is there a way that we can do that?
SPEAKER_05Illyria, you're smart. Is there a way to do that? Can you tell us how to make a battery with a potato?
SPEAKER_03Uh, it's too bad I didn't bring my alarm clock with me. I could have just thrown it in.
SPEAKER_05The alarm clock.
SPEAKER_01Uh Destiny point to have brought your alarm clock with me.
SPEAKER_06For just such an occasion. Is there any electricity sources around?
SPEAKER_00Like, there are like lights in here. Oh.
SPEAKER_06Oh.
SPEAKER_01Can I rip one off the wall to throw into the water? Without unplugging it somehow.
SPEAKER_00Most of them, like, the lights are like on the ceiling, but these giant tentacles that are thrashing around, if you wanted to try and grab one and maybe like aim it, you could probably slap a tentacle into the into the lights if you could knock something down.
SPEAKER_01Okay, yeah, I'll do that then. That would be a brawl check.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. So that would be a brawl against uh the brawl of a tentacle, so that would be against two purple and two red.
SPEAKER_05Oh. It's like forcing its finger into a socket.
SPEAKER_06Is there a giant toaster in the room?
SPEAKER_01That was that was my reaction, was literally two purple. Oh, and two red. Oh. Uh how are we doing for Destiny? Got four. Okay.
SPEAKER_05We're still pretty flush if we're gonna.
SPEAKER_01I'll spend one of those. Two purple, two red, so we're evenly matched. Is this technically an attack roll where it hasn't acted yet?
SPEAKER_05It hasn't really acted yet.
SPEAKER_00It just started thrash and flailing wildly. Uh it's tricky because like it's making attacks, but they're just not landing because it can't see you.
SPEAKER_01Okay, so it wouldn't qu qualify for uh because it yeah, it it's I think it's acted, not just attacks. Or because they have not acted yet in this round. Okay, yeah. Okay, well it was worth a try. Uh let's see, roll four failures but two advantage.
SPEAKER_00So, uh you can you can't like guide it, but as one of these tentacles is like whipping up onto the quote unquote shore, and as you try and grab it to move it, uh you can't guide it, but you can like hang on to it. Okay.
SPEAKER_05If you happen to get whipped close to a light.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, that could work. I will I will electrocute it by being the the electrical conductor in between the light and the tentacle.
SPEAKER_04I'm doing my part.
SPEAKER_00I'm doing my part. Yeah, if you had anything like metal that you could like slash through its tentacle and like pin it to something, pin it to a wire.
SPEAKER_01Oh, that'd be good. Okay, that'll be my next action, I guess. Unless anyone can aid me on that. Hand me, maybe like a sword? Yeah. I have a sword. If you use mine, I might have a lot of it. Oh yeah, it is, yeah.
SPEAKER_05If we keep it distracted, so uh, you know, when Starzan does get close enough to pin it to a wire or something, it's not try to kill him. Because who still has to go? Me.
SPEAKER_03Have I already gone technically?
SPEAKER_00Um, technically, yeah, you seduced it.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_00But if you wanna if you want to do something else, you probably could.
SPEAKER_03Um, I just to see if it'll kinda like help out at all, I'll use my training stick as an electric current for the water.
SPEAKER_00Uh, you can stick it in, but it doesn't do anything. It is like it is shielded. It is a uh Jedi made uh training weapon, so it's not gonna electrocute you as soon as you stick it in a puddle.
SPEAKER_03Oh, that's sad. Okay, well I'll still have a child's safety on it. I don't I don't I don't have anything else. I should have uh ordered a gun, but I don't wanna but I don't wanna be uh I don't wanna be a warrior.
SPEAKER_05It's fine. I can heal or harm it.
SPEAKER_06Do I have a force pip? Like I must since I've Yeah you got force requirements.
SPEAKER_05I thought you could use the the light side to do uh heal or harm.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, you gain conflict if you do harm, but you can use the light side to harm.
SPEAKER_05Yeah. It's only if you get down to like real bad morality levels.
SPEAKER_06What if I try and heal it to make it calm down?
SPEAKER_05Make it regrow its eyeball? Anything's possible. Are we gonna gaslight this diadoga?
SPEAKER_00Because if it is stalking, it's crashing about because it's in pain.
SPEAKER_06Yeah, I'm gonna heal it.
SPEAKER_00Okay, so uh since you just have the basic power, you would have to touch it.
SPEAKER_06Yeah, it's playing a little try and grab it.
SPEAKER_00So as its tentacles are uh blindly groping about trying to grab you, uh, you can go and touch it and see if you can heal it.
SPEAKER_06Two lightside. Ah.
SPEAKER_00Okay.
SPEAKER_06There you go.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, so you can one of these tentacles, you can uh put your hand on it and uh send healing energies into it to try and you probably wouldn't be able to rebuild its popped eyeball, but you could probably dull the pain somewhat. Uh meaning that it is like its tentacles stop thrashing, and they're still like kind of like moving around, but it's like now it's like painkillers, where it's like David after dentist. So, Starzan, it is moving more slowly if you want to try and uh do something to its tentacle.
SPEAKER_01I will try again to uh grab tentacle and shove it into the light to the light fixture.
SPEAKER_00Are you using your sword to pin it, or are you just trying to pilot it with your body?
SPEAKER_01Yeah, I'll try that, as long as it does not also There's a good chance that if I fuck this up, it will also electrocute me.
SPEAKER_00Okay. So that'll be a uh red and a purple melee. It is still moving, so you are still kind of uh off balance a bit, so that'll add a black as well. Red, purple, black. This would be a lightsaber roll, right? Uh yes, your your ancient sword does use the lightsaber skill.
SPEAKER_01Uh-huh.
SPEAKER_00Try one more destiny.
SPEAKER_01One success. Fuck yeah.
SPEAKER_00So you can jam the uh star sword through this tentacle uh right into a light. There's a shower of sparks, and you can feel uh the thick, meaty tentacle throbbing between your legs as the electric pulses travel down it, and the tentacle that you are trying to heal uh Illyria, it's like it starts like flailing like Jabba's tail when he dies. And eventually, like the lights dim and they go out as everything just kind of there's a splash as all the tentacles just drop and fall silent into the water.
SPEAKER_05Man, we just took this Dianoca on an emotional roller coaster.
SPEAKER_01Turned it on and then turned it off.
SPEAKER_05Pop your eyeball. No, we're gonna heal you before we kill you. So it's uh it's dead.
SPEAKER_01It is dead.
SPEAKER_05Sick who's real good at swimming, he wants to go down for that chest.
SPEAKER_00That would be a athletics role, right? Uh yeah, it would be athletics, depending on uh what exactly you want to get. Because Halland says, well, this was uh the repository of the valued treasures of an ancient shamanic tribe. And it may not just be Kravaki artifacts that are down there. They may have taken payment from any number of ancient spacefarers when they directed them to the planet Bimis, so uh if there is anything else you can haul up, that would probably be something that the uh Jedi Archives would find valuable to study.
SPEAKER_05Oh yeah, we're raiding.
SPEAKER_00We're not Helen, you're cool this whole time. We're not raiding, it belongs in a museum.
SPEAKER_05Oh yeah, no, no, no, it belongs in the museum, we're not raiding. We would never. But if we did and ended up in a museum, that'd be pretty cool. Just saying.
SPEAKER_00We're not raiding.
SPEAKER_05Helen's so done with me. First episode.
SPEAKER_00So, um, what level of uh athletics role, like how much stuff do you want to try and bring back up with you?
SPEAKER_01Um, I think I need to bring the crate for sure, right?
SPEAKER_00Yeah, like the thing that you're looking for is just it's just like a little like uh like a punch card kind of thing. So it's not that big.
SPEAKER_01Okay. Yeah, I'll start with that and then um I mean whatever else.
SPEAKER_05Many of us have like a big bag that you could just scoop shit into and they carry it up. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Like you you you you presumably have some time, so like it wouldn't take an athletics role if you're just getting that. Okay. Um because Hallan he can pull one of those Jedi uh water breathing things out of his belt for you to use, so you don't have to like hold your breath. You can just dive down and and grab it where Kala told you to get it. But as you're doing that, uh Hallan says, We do have one more problem. Uh how are we gonna get out of here?
SPEAKER_05Oh, well, like all these octagons, every wall has a door. It's just that some of them are gonna lead to outside. So if we have to go out there, this is a cave. This is a uh Ah yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_00And we did cut the power, so I don't think that door's gonna be opening anytime soon. Could we push it open? We could, but then there would be uh an entire starport of pirates waiting for us on the other side.
SPEAKER_05Could we uh search Oh sorry, go ahead.
SPEAKER_01We take all of the crab shrapnel and pose as him.
SPEAKER_05Like strap it onto Starzan! You got the right build for it.
SPEAKER_00You're on your own.
SPEAKER_03What was that one?
SPEAKER_00Actually, give me a give me an example of knowledge underworld roll.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, maybe it's a respect to winner.
SPEAKER_00There you go. Uh two purple knowledge underworld.
SPEAKER_01Actually, some crab armor does sound pretty cool. Two purple knowledge underworld. That's a good thing I'm also too. Nil!
SPEAKER_03That's nothing.
SPEAKER_01That is zero.
SPEAKER_05Could anyone else roll that? My my intellect is not very good, but. One success to advantage.
SPEAKER_00So, Illyria. Uh, I don't know if this is something that you would have known, but probably when you heard you were going to a pirate starport, you probably did some brushing up. You don't seem the type of person who would know a lot about pirates, unless you've been reading a lot of uh pirate-themed romantic fiction, if that's your bag. Any bodice rippers. Um but what you know about pirates is that they do tend to uh honor if somebody kills the captain, they become the new captain. This happened kind of behind closed doors, so you just need some proof of it. If there's like a token or talisman or something important that's left on the body, uh you could probably bring that out as evidence and and uh declare yourselves the captains.
SPEAKER_03What about his head?
SPEAKER_00If it's intact. He he did get eaten, so like whatever you're looking for on him might be uh inside the Dianoga. Pirates are also susceptible to bribe, so uh depending on how much loot you can drag up, maybe you could buy your way out.
SPEAKER_03I ain't got shit.
SPEAKER_05Could we uh take a look around among the uh the the the gristle and see if there's anything that might satisfy those criteria?
SPEAKER_00Uh well this would have to be like it would be in the Dianoga's like core body, so it would be down there at the bottom of the the cavern.
SPEAKER_05Oh lord.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. So uh Starzan would have to retrieve it.
SPEAKER_05Oh, okay. Yeah, you got your little breather.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. Yeah. So uh to find Find a trinket or token from him, uh, that would be a perception to root through the remains of Captain Bisque. Uh since it is in the Dionoga's body and it is kind of mulched up, uh, that would probably be a three purple perception.
SPEAKER_01Okay. Glad I took perception. Oh my. Uh three failures but one triumph.
SPEAKER_05Ooh.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. So you can't find anything that would like whatever was left of this guy is like just totally destroyed. Like this guy was uh devoured. Um you can if you want, like there is some of his shell that's left, if you do want to try and like bring up pieces of his body.
SPEAKER_01Okay. In a morbid way, yes.
SPEAKER_00Like that, that could. I don't I don't know if you would want to, but you could, uh probably not right now, but you could have that uh I guess upholstered into beast hide armor. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Ooh, Crabman. Hey Crabman.
SPEAKER_00Harold.
SPEAKER_01Hey Arrow.
SPEAKER_00If you want to wear pieces of his body as armor. Uh other than that, though, you can't really find any pieces of him. Or any any uh can't find any trinkets or anything that would like be like, no, I I for sure I for sure killed him. Because technically the Dinoga did it.
SPEAKER_01Yes.
SPEAKER_00Like there's nothing in there that would uh let you claim yourselves as the captains. Um if you want to dig up treasure though, how much treasure do you think you're gonna try and uh As much as I can carry. Uh so how many how many I guess how many purples of treasure are you gonna try for?
SPEAKER_01Uh that's that's um be an athletic. Is that perception or athletic? Athletics? Three three purples of the modest. Yeah. Should I go for four purple and spend a destiny?
SPEAKER_05Oh, you might as well spend a destiny.
SPEAKER_01Let's do five.
SPEAKER_05Why not?
SPEAKER_01One success, one triumph.
SPEAKER_05Oh, nice.
SPEAKER_00It was worth it. So, uh, what kind of treasure do you find down there? It is there, there is a lot of like there are some curvacki stuff, some like temple stuff that uh Hall and might want to hold on to, but there is also a lot of ancient starfarer like payment things that they would have given to the shamans to take them to Bimis. So what what do you find down there that might be uh barterable to these pirates? Debloons, a crown. Because there's also another option. Um it might be uh So this Dianoga, it was in this chamber, but it probably wasn't in this chamber for thousands of years. If it did have to leave to feed, if you want to use that triumph instead to find a hidden entrance, you could like pry away a huge chest and find a hole you could swim out of. Oh.
SPEAKER_01Oh.
SPEAKER_00The problem is it might not be contained within the Gungan bubble.
SPEAKER_07That's true.
SPEAKER_00How many of those breathing things you got? Uh Hallan and uh Yigen each have one.
SPEAKER_01How well can you guys hold your breaths? Just in case.
SPEAKER_05I mean not so good, my guy.
SPEAKER_03She smokes about a peck a day.
SPEAKER_01We can try. Follow follow starzan.
SPEAKER_05Okay. You have halids, no chance.
SPEAKER_01I guess we can I guess I can just we can just like trade off the breather when we need to, back and forth forever.
SPEAKER_00You could, but the longer you take, the greater a chance is that these guys, that these pirates just put some charges on the wall and blow it in and come and kill you. Oh, that's true.
SPEAKER_05It's true. Starzan, if I pass out underwater, do you promise to drag me to safety?
SPEAKER_01Yes. Hold on to Starzan's rippling biceps.
SPEAKER_05Hold on to my Lloyd cloth. Okay, I'll be able to do that. Everyone hold on to Starzan.
SPEAKER_00Starzan is the raft. So, uh, are you taking your four treasure chests with you? Yes. Okay. That's gonna that's gonna increase the difficulty of the athletics role to swim to safety. So if you are sharing two rebreathers among the six of you. Uh I thought it was three. Oh, never mind.
SPEAKER_05No, you it's just the two.
SPEAKER_00Okay. Oh, it's a boring one. Okay. So the swim itself uh is gonna be pretty long. It's gonna be three purple. It's gonna be four purple because each of you are gonna be carrying a treasure chest. And because you're swapping the rebreathers, that that would also add two blacks. So it would be four purple and two blacks to swim uh to safety.
SPEAKER_05Four purple and two black?
SPEAKER_00As athletics?
SPEAKER_01Athletics. Maybe maybe we shouldn't take the chests with us.
SPEAKER_05Oh maybe like uh only like two of the chests or something.
SPEAKER_00Because that would be if you don't take the chests, each chest is one purple. So anybody who wants to leave a chest behind, that they can reduce that to three purple and two blacks athletics.
SPEAKER_05Uh listen, I only got two green to athletics. I'm gonna say let's take two chests.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, same here. Okay.
SPEAKER_00There is, I suppose, depending on how much you trust her, um Illyria could potentially heal you if you start drowning. You can heal drowning damage. Like, yeah, as you start drowning, she could like force heal and expel the water out, but. That's fascinating, okay.
SPEAKER_06That doesn't address it if if you trust her. If you've got the breather. Who be? All of you?
SPEAKER_00Well, you would you would all be taking uh taking turns.
SPEAKER_05So everyone group up and just pass the breather.
SPEAKER_00So, um because the way suffocation works. Oh hello. No breathing.
SPEAKER_01Don't go fuck if I got my eye bleeding.
SPEAKER_00So if you fail the roll, you will you will begin suffocating. Um, and a suffocating character suffers three strain at the beginning of each of their turns. Uh, once they extrede their exceed their strain threshold, they're incapacitated at the beginning of each subsequent turn. If they're still suffocating, they suffer a critical injury. This continues until they die. Or stop suffocating.
SPEAKER_05Okay.
SPEAKER_00Uh so since you're just doing one roll, uh the number of failures or threat you get will determine how many turns you are suffocating.
SPEAKER_05Okay. You can keep if you're suffocating, you can't keep swimming until you pass out, correct?
SPEAKER_00Yeah, you can keep swimming until you pass out. So if you pass out, then you'll stop swimming, but Okay.
SPEAKER_05I'm gonna say take two of the chests so it's two purple and two black.
SPEAKER_00Well, whoever's taking the chest would still have that extra roll.
SPEAKER_05Wait, so is it like individually everyone's taking chests?
SPEAKER_00The base roll is three purple and two black. Taking a chest adds another purple.
SPEAKER_01So I will carry all four chests myself. No, I'll take one.
SPEAKER_05I'm I'm not taking any. I only got two green.
SPEAKER_03I got I got two green, but how many destiny points do we got?
SPEAKER_00Uh you have two at the moment. I'll be fine with that one.
SPEAKER_05Have three green. So maybe if uh if Chris and I uh use the destiny points since we are the least brawny.
SPEAKER_03That's what I'm thinking.
SPEAKER_05To get yellows.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_05Thanks. Okay, I'm not taking it. And we're all carrying? No. I'm not taking anything. I'm sticking with the three purple.
SPEAKER_03Uh, what was it?
SPEAKER_00Three purple and three purple and two black if you're not carrying a treasure chest. Four purple and two black if you are carrying a treasure chest.
SPEAKER_05This is already gonna be a very difficult role for me. I'm not taking anything. I don't know about y'all.
SPEAKER_03Uh, I got uh without carrying a chest, I got one failure, four threats, and a triumph.
SPEAKER_05I got one failure, two threats.
SPEAKER_03Uh do I find do I find the plunger, and uh am I able to flush us out into uh freedom?
SPEAKER_01One failure, one triumph, two threats.
SPEAKER_06Oh dear.
SPEAKER_01One triumph, though.
SPEAKER_03I got a triumph too.
SPEAKER_06One failure, one advantage. Yay.
SPEAKER_03Jeez, we're not doing well.
SPEAKER_05What about our Jedi? Maybe maybe this 12-year-old will drag us to safety.
SPEAKER_00Uh well, those of you who uh uh Starzan, you failed with triumph. Yes. Uh Chris, you failed with triumph. Same. So, yeah, so Chris and Starzan. Uh Yigen and uh Hallan can drag you guys to safety first.
SPEAKER_05These fucking assholes.
SPEAKER_00So, uh Illyria, you got a failure with with advantage. So you only start to take three strain as as you start suffocating and drowning. Uh Kala, you got uh a failure and two threats. So that is three turns of suffocation. So you so you're at nine strain as you're trying to uh swim back.
SPEAKER_05Sick.
SPEAKER_00So after uh Chris and Starzan are flopped up on shore by the Jedi, Starzan manages to hold on to his treasure chest, they dive back down in, and Illyria and Kala, you uh get the rebreathers. They give you their rebreathers. So it'll only be a two-purple athletics to swim the rest of the way.
SPEAKER_05Cool. One success! Nil?
SPEAKER_00Way So uh they they are staying there with you. Uh Kala, you can make it back up to the surface, but uh Illyria, the Jedi, they do help you. Like Yigen is like doing most of the swimming for you.
SPEAKER_05Oh it's okay, Alyria. We all have bad days.
SPEAKER_00Chris and Starzan, they are passed out. And when uh you get back to the shore, when you pop out of the water next to the temple, Kala, you see those fucking rankin' bass golems like poking around Chris and Starzan's unconscious bodies, like groping at the treasure chest. Can I shoot one of them? Uh yeah, you can shoot one of them. One of them is wearing uh a coat. It's probably the one who tried to sell you drugs. They may have been following you this entire time.
SPEAKER_05What would that be to shoot one?
SPEAKER_00Uh, they're not too strong. They would be at short range. Um, however, you have a slug thrower. Uh, so I'm gonna use a destiny point.
SPEAKER_05Oh no, wet gunpowder.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. We will uh we'll call this um a red and two black to see if your gun works at all.
SPEAKER_05Ooh, okay. Oh dear. Two advantages at a tri-up. Could I like kind of shoot near their feet and just spook them?
SPEAKER_00Sh well, because the success would mean your gun works.
SPEAKER_05So maybe they're just scared at the sight of the gun, even if I'm just brandishing it.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, you can brandish it. It it seems like like you know it wouldn't work, but you can pretend uh that it would. So if you want to scare them, that would be a coercion. Uh you got advantage and triumph.
SPEAKER_05Yeah.
SPEAKER_00So you can upgrade and add a blue.
SPEAKER_05Okay.
SPEAKER_00And that would be against uh two purple. Two purple, let's see.
SPEAKER_05Two failures but three advantage. Old brandish thing, I'm just like, hey, get the fuck out of here. Go!
SPEAKER_00We were just checking on their healthiness.
SPEAKER_05Shoo! Shoo you little creats!
SPEAKER_00We were only trying to make sure that they were okay. These are friends of yours.
SPEAKER_05Get the fuck out of here! God, you're so weird. Get out of here!
SPEAKER_00And do you have money for me now?
SPEAKER_03Oh god.
SPEAKER_05I get the butt of a rifle for ya if you don't clear off. Go away, yuck!
SPEAKER_00And at this point, uh the Jedi and uh Illyria can climb to the shore as well. And now that there are several more people, they do back away at the site of their uh larger numbers. You don't you don't realize that, you think it's all you.
SPEAKER_05Hell yeah. I'm scary as hell. All 90 pounds apiece.
SPEAKER_0090 pounds soaking wet.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, that's what I thought. You better run.
SPEAKER_01Literally soaking wet right now, so she's at the full 90 pounds.
SPEAKER_04Oh shit, she's a bruiser. She's reached her full mass potential.
SPEAKER_03Oh no, you're getting massive behind me, isn't it?
SPEAKER_05If I do not realize that they've come up behind me, can I try to threaten them and be like, yo, give me the impact?
SPEAKER_00Yeah, you could say, give me, give me, give me all your fucking drugs. Give me all your fucking drugs. And you hear from behind you, Cala.
SPEAKER_05What? Oh, oh, I'll I I was uh I was just making making sure they didn't take them to the general populace and you know go spreading them. I'm doing good. They're not gonna spread. You g you oh wagging my finger, you you all get out of here. Bad, bad. What? And we have wives when you're not around.
SPEAKER_00That's very noble of you, Kella.
SPEAKER_05Yeah. Yeah, it is, yeah, it is, yeah, I'm noble.
SPEAKER_00And he he kneels down and he does the Obi-Wan, uh, put his hand on the forehead of Starzan and Chris, and they uh return from unconsciousness shouting. Oh, what's what is to get?
SPEAKER_05You get to decide. You get to decide. Choose wisely.
SPEAKER_01Well that happened.
SPEAKER_05No, don't saddle us with that.
SPEAKER_00I think that's the perfect energy.
SPEAKER_04No, Mike, you've doomed us!
SPEAKER_01You gotta you gotta be the one to do it then, Devin.
SPEAKER_03Well, Zat happened.
SPEAKER_01Okay, take teams.
SPEAKER_04No, I feel like the choice of the die has been cast, the die has been cast.
SPEAKER_01That's that's our version of they fly now.
SPEAKER_05They fly now.
SPEAKER_00Look, this season is uh is badly written, so right now. You're you're you're entering the badly written era of Star Wars.
SPEAKER_05Yay!
SPEAKER_01That does sound like something Obi-Wan would say, well, if that happened. Well, if that happened.
SPEAKER_04I bet you're wondering how I got here.
SPEAKER_00So as that happens, uh the boys can recover. Chest intact.
SPEAKER_05Starzed, check your titties. Your chest intact.
SPEAKER_01Oh no, my peck.
SPEAKER_05I lost a tit.
SPEAKER_01The good one too. My party pack.
SPEAKER_03Starzed party pack. Oh no, not the party peck. Can I roll a perception to find this party pack?
SPEAKER_01Uh that's what the buddies do shots off of. I'm hoping I have the chest. Do I still have the chest? Yeah, you still have the chest. Okay.
unknownGood.
SPEAKER_05Okay. Load up Go Hobe.
SPEAKER_00You can load up and go home. Uh, glancing inside the temple, you can see that they're still trying to like. They're there. You can see some pirates running into the temple with like long pole arms trying to get leverage to open the door into into the cave.
SPEAKER_05Well, that's none of our business anymore. That's nothing to do with me. Actually, would we be going home now that, you know, there was a war on and everything?
SPEAKER_00Alice says, well, we could rendezvous with the uh exploration core, or and he brandishes the little punch card. Or we could go to Bimis.
SPEAKER_03Ooh.
SPEAKER_05Ooh.
SPEAKER_03I've always won I've always wanted to see Bimis up close.
SPEAKER_05I mean, that's probably better than having to like just go home and then go to war. I wanna go check out Abimis.
SPEAKER_00I think we have an obligation to investigate this Bimis.
SPEAKER_05We have to go investigate the Bimis.
SPEAKER_03We gotta see how bagled it is. I gotta put my face all up in Zabimis.
SPEAKER_00So, uh, you can reboard your shuttle and uh depart from this illicit pirate base, plugging in the ancient punch card to bring up the coordinates to the lost planet Bimis, where you'll be able to relax in its healing waters, which you're definitely gonna need next time on Star Wars Empire Wreckers. This episode of Empire Wreckers is brought to you by our top patrons, Alphabros 522, David B, Eric Charles Perazzo, Jeffrey Zamuto, Joshua Winter, Laser, LKB, Suki Nintendo, Thomas Davidson, and Vaginator.