S13E16 - Truth in a Lie

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hey everyone, thanks for listening to Star Wars Empire Wreckers, the Star Wars True Crime Actual Play Podcast. Who is ready to figure out the truth of who done it today?

SPEAKER_05 0:11

Calla set's ready to figure out the truth of who done it. And she's ready to get into vehicles with strangers because she is not about living a life in fear just because some true crime podcast told her to. Callacette is gonna get murdered.

SPEAKER_01 0:27

Bonjour, je m'appelle uh Chris Saund. Uh I listen to true crime podcasts uh just to be sure that people that I know aren't in them.

SPEAKER_02 0:41

Starzan is committed now more than ever to finding the murderer of once his dear friend, turned fatal enemy, turned dear friend, turned probably on bad terms again. Oh my god, you murdered your best your good friend? That is the sound of Starzan crying tears of missing his friend after the death of longtime enemy Stalk Stogan. Who he fought through the many deserts of Edgar Rice battled over the moon of Gondor. Pull back, pull back. He has heard from his friends and must find the killer of Star Logan. Some mysterious entity known as CHF.

SPEAKER_05 1:37

Congenital heart failure? Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_06 1:45

And Dlyria is ready to use her high intelligence to find those kiddynappers. Wait, no, it's not the Jedi Order. That's totally different.

SPEAKER_00 1:55

And if you're ready to find out who done it, it was these guys. A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away in Star Wars, Count Dooku is dead. We did do that. We did do that. In his absence, the Confederacy of Independent Systems has fallen under the control of the monstrous General Grievous, whose merciless strategies have pushed the Republic back from the brink of victory. Identifying the perpetrator of Dooku's assassination as the disgruntled former bodyguard Savage oppressed, the Separatists took swift revenge against his homeworlds of Dathomir and began a manhunt for the assassin himself. With Dooku martyred and the genocides of Grievous scarring planets across the galaxy, the worlds of the Republic cower in fear, wondering if they will be the next to die screaming.

SPEAKER_05 2:45

Oh did we make a mistake?

SPEAKER_01 2:47

Are we the best? No, no, we don't make mistakes. We just make uh choices.

SPEAKER_00 2:53

Yeah, so.

SPEAKER_02 2:54

Starzan wonder if we'll be held accountable for this.

SPEAKER_00 2:58

I won't be held responsible. What did you do with Savage?

SPEAKER_05 3:05

Because like he was still like.

SPEAKER_02 3:08

Everyone keeps asking Starzan that. Answer is nothing. You pump iron all night.

SPEAKER_05 3:13

Oh god, Starzan. Did you and Savage have uh a little celebratory pump sesh after we killed Dooku? Hanging and banging.

SPEAKER_00 3:22

Hanging and banging? Yeah, banging at reps.

SPEAKER_05 3:24

Yeah. Were you getting your dock on together with your docking?

SPEAKER_02 3:28

We were Starzan and Savage would do normal hanging and banging stuff, squatting and thrusting, clean and jerk. What are you cleaning with your jerks?

SPEAKER_01 3:40

These are all normal things.

SPEAKER_05 3:44

Normal things that normal boyfriends do together.

SPEAKER_01 3:47

Why are you looking at me like that?

SPEAKER_02 3:50

Does this ship have like a sauna on it?

SPEAKER_00 3:52

It's not it's not big enough for a sauna.

SPEAKER_04 3:55

It's not that kind of ship.

SPEAKER_00 3:58

Again, you barely have a bathroom. You just have a toilet that has a cover, and everybody has to politely look the other direction.

SPEAKER_02 4:05

There's no inexplicably giant gym shower for just one episode.

SPEAKER_06 4:09

Can't you run the sink really hot and then just put a towel over his head?

SPEAKER_02 4:15

I love the idea that like fans be like, we can't figure out where on the ship this giant sauna would be.

SPEAKER_05 4:21

Yeah, for one episode, Empire Wreckers turns into a gay porno where we have a big old gym sauna.

SPEAKER_01 4:28

Only one episode.

SPEAKER_00 4:29

Alright, so where did you uh what did you do with Savage? Did you take him back to the Republic? Did you put him on some planet to hide out? Did you uh try and smuggle him back to your apartment?

SPEAKER_05 4:40

What do you want to do with him? Because like, I feel like nothing good's gonna happen to him if we take him back to the republic, and I feel like we do kind of have a fondness of him now. But also, like, what the fuck else are we gonna do with him? Wait, and in what way are we fond of him, other than Well he I feel like he brings out Starzan's sensitive side. Starzan seems so much more.

SPEAKER_02 5:02

My nurturing motherly nature.

SPEAKER_05 5:04

Yeah. Starzan seems hot happier when he has a sub about. Don't ship onty!

unknown 5:12

Oh boy.

SPEAKER_05 5:14

Do you uh do we do we just want to take him back to the republic? He is technically, I guess, in their custody, and we were working for them. It's just, you know. Our our our our our bosses have been up to some uh questionable shit lately. Then again, we did just carry out a major political assassination, so who are we to talk about dealing in questionable shit?

SPEAKER_01 5:36

We're pretty we're pretty we're pretty uh. Is this not our patsy?

SPEAKER_05 5:40

This is our patsy. He is our patsy. He did jump upon Dooku when he had one fucking health point left to wail on him to do 16 damage and make a big ol' scene when he could have just gotten him given him a little pop pop and stayed stealthed. He is the Patsy. And we were supposed to bring him back.

SPEAKER_06 6:03

Didn't he also j uh yell uh his name? Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 6:06

He did also yell his name. He he did also go full zaproused hour about it.

SPEAKER_02 6:12

He was very generous in his way of making it easy to frame him. Or pin the whole thing on him at least.

SPEAKER_05 6:16

He is a very generous guy.

SPEAKER_06 6:18

Why why look at why not look a gift bad?

SPEAKER_01 6:23

Horse in the mouse?

SPEAKER_05 6:24

Why not?

SPEAKER_06 6:25

I was trying to find a why not? Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 6:28

Let's not look at gift Patsy in the mouse.

SPEAKER_00 6:31

Because he's also like uh dubiously um alive. He did get shot for 14 success and 14 advantage by.

SPEAKER_06 6:41

Did I not heal him? I offered him.

SPEAKER_02 6:45

No, that is what I'm guessing you're getting at.

SPEAKER_00 6:46

Well well, I'm saying that he may not be f you know back to his old self. So if you want to do anything um, if you want to have done anything that he that may have required additional coercion, he probably would have been more pliable, especially with Zinn there, who can give him direct orders. Additional coercion is a uh Yeah, like if you need to like do something that you think normally he might not uh put up with.

SPEAKER_06 7:12

Pat your head and rub your tummy. While dead, half dead.

SPEAKER_05 7:18

Uh I don't know, just additional coercion. It just it's one of those things where it's like, I understand what you're saying, but why did you have to say it in that way?

SPEAKER_02 7:28

You know what you do, buddy.

SPEAKER_05 7:29

You just kinda tape to me and just do anything that we might want to um get him to not mention when we return him. I'm trying to remember. Aside from the assassination. No, I think everything other than Starzan.

SPEAKER_00 7:43

Well, I think Starzan did him, but Yeah, everything you did was so when like when you were uh there was the whole thing of like Gray being unsure if you were ever gonna come back. You searched for the vessel for recording devices, you didn't find any, not because you couldn't, but because they didn't plant any. Um so it seems like, you know, you coming back at all is like a bonus. They expected you to either die or be caught, or you know, they didn't want this traced back to them.

SPEAKER_05 8:15

So I guess realistically, we could just dump him somewhere and be like, yeah, he died.

SPEAKER_02 8:19

Yeah, he's fine there, honestly. We he was uh buried at sea so that no one would upset his grave.

SPEAKER_05 8:26

Unless we do want to take him back to our apartment, it's just like you're our new best friend now. You live here with the.

SPEAKER_02 8:31

How expensive is carbonite? How expensive is carbonite? Well, it depends if you're looking for like an question, actually.

SPEAKER_00 8:39

An industrial solution is gonna be cheaper than something that's designed to preserve uh living tissue.

SPEAKER_05 8:44

Why? Do you want to fucking freeze him and put him in the corner of the living room like a decoration Star Zan? It might be the safest place for him. Starsan.

SPEAKER_02 8:52

You know, until we figure out what to do. Hold on, he has a point. Flip him upside down, not the starting table. This is not Star Zan. I'm gonna freeze this idea. This is uh Mike Baby. Is smart or creative enough to come up with this?

SPEAKER_03 9:07

Starzan is not smart or evil enough to think that this is a good idea.

SPEAKER_01 9:11

This is Starz this is Starzan's bicep that I'm not gonna speak of.

SPEAKER_05 9:18

No I'm not coming up with this. Callus, I would also object.

SPEAKER_02 9:23

This is why Starzan likes subs.

SPEAKER_05 9:30

Savage, I need Savage must come with up with the idea so Starzan can object and do it.

SPEAKER_02 9:40

Uh, that's what my ex-girlfriend. Well, anyways.

SPEAKER_05 9:44

Uh okay. I like what what do we want to do here?

SPEAKER_00 9:48

If if you did ask Starzan at all, or if you did ask Savage at all, if you got his input, the guy who was being affected by this. Um, let's actually get his input. He he would have told you that he was tired of being a prisoner and he would have preferred to just get dumped off somewhere.

SPEAKER_05 10:05

Dumped off dumped off you go. Yeah, what don't we why don't we just dump him off and be like he died? Because he did get shot a whole bunch. Like, what are they gonna do?

SPEAKER_01 10:14

And and like we we can't have confirmed the body. We could just say that uh we could we could just say Zach just fell off a wa uh waterfall. There's waterfalls there, right?

SPEAKER_05 10:24

Yeah, we could say he fell into a pit. People come back from that all the time.

SPEAKER_00 10:28

We were enemy, he fell.

SPEAKER_05 10:35

I'm sorry, I uh I thought that if he fell down a pit, he was surely dead forever.

SPEAKER_02 10:40

Last time we saw him, he had an inner tube, so I don't know what happened.

SPEAKER_06 10:43

I was gonna say we could have uh gaven given him the uh honorable death of being jettisoned into space on the ride home, but from his wounds, because his wounds were too grievous, but uh I guess I can't say that because I couldn't.

SPEAKER_02 10:57

The sweet spot is we have to find a way that we said that we killed him that doesn't make us sound like we were irresponsible and just left him alive. But if he is found alive, we go, What? How is that possible?

SPEAKER_05 11:08

I mean he got shot a whole bunch. We could just be like, we thought he was dead and we left him behind.

SPEAKER_02 11:13

That's true.

SPEAKER_05 11:14

He got shot so much, no one could survive that, no matter how big and beefy he is.

SPEAKER_00 11:19

Yeah, maybe the Morlocks got him.

SPEAKER_05 11:21

Yeah, the Morlocks got it.

SPEAKER_00 11:24

So if you want to find a world to uh dump him off, uh that'll be it'll require two roles. Okay. One would be an astrogation to find an appropriate planet, one would be a computer to wipe your logs.

SPEAKER_01 11:39

Is uh can we ask him if there's a particular like my logs.

SPEAKER_05 11:49

I know in the intro you said that Dathomir was getting fucked upon, so uh, you know, let's all suspend our disbelief and pretend we didn't hear that, since this would be before that happened that we were making this choice.

SPEAKER_00 11:59

I think he would just want to go uh because Dathomir is really out of your way.

SPEAKER_05 12:04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 12:04

So cause you would be kind of skirting around the eastern edge of the galaxy, kind of sort of around the edge of like the unknown region, so it would be just kind of be out in the sticks somewhere.

SPEAKER_05 12:15

Yeah. Okay, we can just fucking dump him off in the sticks.

SPEAKER_00 12:18

Yeah. Um, so give me a three purple astrogation to find a planet where he will not be found, or at least won't be found for quite a while.

SPEAKER_06 12:29

Two threads.

SPEAKER_00 12:30

Okay, so you can find a planet to dump him off on. You think it'll probably be fine.

SPEAKER_05 12:35

There's some little backwater called Narshada.

SPEAKER_01 12:40

I hope we never see him again.

SPEAKER_06 12:43

Alright. Give me the computers to wipe it.

SPEAKER_00 12:46

Yeah. So uh, let's see. If you want to wipe it, uh, this will probably also be a three purple.

SPEAKER_05 12:53

Could I give Elyria unskilled assistance on this one? Yeah. I feel like uh you don't want to fuck this one up.

SPEAKER_06 12:58

One success, one advantage. Okay, yeah. Your blue dice your blue dice was uh blank, just so you know.

SPEAKER_05 13:04

Okay. I'm sorry for helping Elyria, I guess. Burn. As you roll and could roll.

SPEAKER_06 13:11

I just wanted I just wanted to know that I could have done it myself.

SPEAKER_05 13:15

You did nothing. You nothing. I walked Bob Down up on stage in 1976!

SPEAKER_01 13:22

Oh no stay stand back. It's okay, everything is okay. We need to get sometimes she doesn't get enough sleep.

SPEAKER_06 13:32

I just wanted everyone to know that I was smart still. And always will be.

SPEAKER_01 13:36

And we believe you. We believe you.

SPEAKER_05 13:38

So what I'm here is that uh if we think that we can help you in the future, just fucking don't.

SPEAKER_06 13:44

No, you can do it, but I just want you to know that when I can do it by myself, I'll let you know.

SPEAKER_05 13:50

If you are useless, I'll make sure that you are aware.

SPEAKER_06 13:55

Thanks for helping. You did nothing.

SPEAKER_04 13:59

She can't stop! She can't stop herself.

SPEAKER_00 14:04

So you can dump Savage on the planet Iridonia, um, which is. Yeah, there's lots of Zabrax there. He can just hide in plain sight. So, you know, hopefully.

SPEAKER_05 14:14

Well, he looks no different than those Zabrax. He'll just won't stand out.

SPEAKER_00 14:18

He'll just blend in. They won't sell him up, and surely the separatists won't target the planet anyway.

SPEAKER_05 14:24

Because like Iridonian Zabrax and Dathamirian Zabrax look very different. And also, Iridonia, I think, is aligned with the Republic. So they he would s stick out like a sore thumb and also they would be motivated to turn him in.

SPEAKER_00 14:38

Yeah, so um it's been a couple of weeks then since you dropped off Savage on Eridonia. Oh boy. In that time, so when you assassinated Dooku, it was October of 20 BBY. Um the movie Revenge of the Sith takes place in June. So this is like eight to nine months before that movie. Uh so a lot of people are in different places. Um, and you know, for everybody from like senators like Padme Amadala, even Jedi Knights like Anakin Skywalker, found this whole situation to be inconceivable. They couldn't conceive of what was going on eight to nine months before Revenge of the Sith.

SPEAKER_06 15:21

Oops, we did it again.

SPEAKER_00 15:24

Yeah, so the Republic has kind of been uh stealing itself against the Confederacy rather than uh the Outer Rim Sieges, which was a push to keep the Separatists back. Uh they've all kind of cloistered themselves inwards, people who may have wanted to do something as a last goodbye to somebody they cared about. Now, not as much of a thing. Not as maybe they didn't, who knows? And you guys have been kind of witnessing this for a few weeks from uh the safety of your apartment in the Senate district. And then you get a call. A call from Gray, just a heads up that a car will be coming for you.

SPEAKER_05 16:03

No explanation of why, just forgetting ya.

SPEAKER_00 16:06

Yeah. Do we get a uh paid?

SPEAKER_01 16:08

Did we get paid, by the way? Uh hasn't been long enough. Oh, we're right after this, okay.

SPEAKER_05 16:14

Yeah, things are picking up.

SPEAKER_01 16:15

We're in the heat of the moment.

SPEAKER_00 16:19

And the car is not the standard, like, SBI gunship. It is a senatorial taxi.

SPEAKER_04 16:27

Ooh.

SPEAKER_00 16:28

Oh, we're getting the fancy treatment. You are, and there is a valet in a crisp uniform who is uh waiting for you, and he gives you a tip of his hat as you get into the taxi, and he takes you just a quick jaunt over to the Senate building.

SPEAKER_05 16:46

Hey.

SPEAKER_00 16:47

And he lets you out, and from there, a droid is your liaison, taking you through the the mass of like giant pillars that make up the entrance to the Senate building. Like it's in Revenge of the Sith where they land and there's all those like huge random pillars around where it's just like showing off. And you're kind of handed from liaison to liaison, from droid to droid, each of them taking you a small part of the journey. None of them really saying much to you until you reach an office door. Uh and standing outside the office door to greet you is a tall, blue-skinned, four-horned Chagrian wearing the robes of the office of the vice-chancellor. You may or may not recognize him. You guys have been involved with the Senate. Uh, so you probably recognize Vice uh Chancellor Masamita, and he holds out his hand to shake each of you and he says, It's very good to meet you.

SPEAKER_01 17:48

Uh uh likewise, uh, it is good to meet you too.

SPEAKER_05 17:51

Good to meet you, Vice Chancellor.

SPEAKER_00 17:53

And he says, I'm sorry for the secrecy, but uh his excellency is ready for you.

SPEAKER_04 17:58

His Excellency is for you.

SPEAKER_00 18:00

How? And he opens the door, and you can see down at the end of the hallway, sitting at his chair backed by the window, uh, in his office at his desk is Chancellor Shivas Palpatine.

SPEAKER_05 18:16

Is that his full name? Shivus?

SPEAKER_00 18:19

It might be short for some. Shiva Shivas and Ructed. Big Papa Shiv himself. Shivas and Butthead. And he's doing some light work, the kind that you do when you're waiting for a guest to arrive. Uh and he doesn't he doesn't he doesn't stand up to greet you, because why would he?

SPEAKER_01 18:40

He's the Chancellor. Uh Bon Bonjour, big uh big service, uh big uh palpit uh Senor Palpatine. Uh uh what uh to what do we owe this honor?

SPEAKER_00 18:55

Oh the honor is all mine. You have saved the Republic once again. You're becoming quite the heroes. Uh stop.

SPEAKER_01 19:04

Just uh just doing our job, sir, but um We we just do what we can with what we've got, and we've got the realm of conquest as its own reward.

SPEAKER_00 19:13

Humility is such an underrated virtue these days.

SPEAKER_05 19:17

Which is why it's really good that everyone's demonstrating it.

SPEAKER_02 19:23

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 19:24

What are you talking about? I'm being so humble right now.

SPEAKER_02 19:26

I'm not gonna do the same offered handshake. Maybe I like and look like I'm going to, and someone pushes my hand out of the way. There's no stars in. The hand and then the hair. Not today.

SPEAKER_00 19:37

And I know that my personal thanks can't compare to the credit that you should be due, but we know why you cannot take credit for what you've done.

SPEAKER_01 19:48

We are secret we are secret agents. We don't do things for uh credit, we do things because they are the right thing to do for our kingdom and our country and our planet.

SPEAKER_00 20:00

And our Republic and our Republic. Supervisor Grey has been keeping me apprised of your various adventures, and I must say that I'm quite impressed with how you've remained loyal to the Republic and how you've rooted out corruption in your own order, and how you have a strong moral backbone that's some people seem to be lacking these days.

SPEAKER_05 20:27

I'm not gonna try to roll perception on him, but I also am like a dude.

SPEAKER_06 20:33

I don't need to roll perception, I I'm enjoying this. You're like, I enjoy being told that I have higher morals.

SPEAKER_00 20:40

Yeah, look, if you if you want to roll perception against Big Sheave, um I can roll perception.

SPEAKER_02 20:47

On Shepherd Look, of course love bombing works on me. That's how you should treat me.

SPEAKER_06 20:53

With love and bombs! Like my cunning is too.

SPEAKER_00 20:59

What would it be to perceive him? So if you do decide that you want to uh perceive his cool, uh that would be four reds and a purple.

SPEAKER_05 21:14

I mean I don't gonna try it. I have three yellow.

SPEAKER_02 21:21

Silence or perhaps pretty good, right? Just like neither you, man. Sheev can't be that much better than that. Like he's still young.

SPEAKER_05 21:30

I don't I like I want to, but I'm like, oh, I don't want to get despairs this early in the game. I just don't. I just don't. But also it feels incorrect for me to be like, I believe him wholeheartedly, because Calisette doesn't believe anyone wholeheartedly. She's that brand a bitch.

SPEAKER_00 21:46

I mean, you can you can not believe him wholeheartedly. That's uh something you can do.

SPEAKER_02 21:51

I feel like if you get a despair on a like check like that against Chief Albatine, he might just like it.

SPEAKER_00 21:57

Yeah, you d you don't have to roll to suspect. You can suspect all you like. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 22:03

Guys, does anyone dare me to do it? Are you evil? Does anyone double dog me to do that?

SPEAKER_00 22:08

Suspect, but do you wanna know? I mean, he's probably getting around to something.

SPEAKER_05 22:12

He'll I'll probably get around to something. I'll let him I'll let him finish his thought. He's meandering.

SPEAKER_02 22:16

He's doing the weave. He's weaving.

SPEAKER_05 22:18

Yeah. Not that I think he has a thought that he needs to finish. I'm sure he would have done that before we arrived. What? I'm saying that Palpatine's a slut, that's the joke.

SPEAKER_01 22:29

Yeah. Oh, a thought.

SPEAKER_02 22:33

Sorry, it didn't land. Hey, neither did my uh heart failure joke.

unknown 22:38

It's okay.

SPEAKER_05 22:41

You know, sometimes your jokes about people being a slut and your jokes about people dying, they just don't land where you want them to. Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 22:50

Yeah, we can't do it.

SPEAKER_02 22:51

People are too woke these days.

SPEAKER_03 22:54

You know, it really is the woke laugh that's making our jokes unfunny.

SPEAKER_02 22:57

You can't tell a joke anymore.

SPEAKER_05 23:00

No, I couldn't before either. But that's unrelated.

SPEAKER_01 23:06

Why are you looking at me like that? Yes, I want to say words that I'm not allowed to say, but I won't say then because otherwise people will be mad.

SPEAKER_05 23:14

Yeah, let's start saying clank her with a lot of venom like the kids are in it.

SPEAKER_00 23:21

So Sheeve he says, Sheevi says, You've done a lot for the Republic, and I'm wondering if you could help me with something that's been troubling me. What has been troubling you, sir? Well, as I said throughout the war, you have been more than the heroes of the Republic. You've sought out evil, corruption, everything from the Jedi becoming warlords in the outer rim to saving my life to even your own captains on nerving behavior and his subsequent redeployment. You have a talent for investigating things that people are trying to keep hidden.

SPEAKER_01 24:00

Are you uh leading up to us being able to unearth something of somebody of your choice?

SPEAKER_00 24:08

Well, I I've been troubled by well, by quite frankly, the nature of the war itself. This army that was delivered to the Republic's doorstep by a Jedi. General Kenobi just happens to stumble upon Kamino while on an unrelated errand. He just happens to discover an army that's ready to be picked up. He just happens to stumble on the droid foundry on Geonosis with an army of droids being led by his own master's master. And I wonder what did Kenobi and Dooku talk about on this planet? Even the bounty hunter, whose genetic template was used for the army, was conveniently killed by Master Windu before he could be questioned. The Jedi have taken incredibly well to their role as war leaders, and I've been wondering, where did this army come from? Who commissioned it? Who paid for it? And I don't want to make any accusations, but the Jedi Order maintains strict control of the galaxy's supply of kyber crystals, which makes the Jedi Council the twelve wealthiest individuals in the galaxy.

SPEAKER_02 25:23

Oh no, Zervich. We're getting right in there. Lightsabers can't melt still beams.

SPEAKER_00 25:28

I've been trying to ask them questions, but they've been distancing themselves further and further from my oversight. I've requested numerous times for a Senate liaison to sit in on their meetings, but they've been denied. They say only a Jedi is allowed to attend council meetings, and there are a few that I would trust, and they are better used elsewhere. I don't want to imagine that my worst fears might be true, but I have begun to suspect that the Jedi have created this army of clones to serve as their personal enforcers, and that one day, and perhaps one day soon, they will turn it against us.

SPEAKER_05 26:11

Oh. So uh you did did uh you want us to investigate like where the the clones originally came from then?

SPEAKER_00 26:18

Yes. I would like you to go to Camino and see what you can find out. Now this is a very quite urgent uh mission, as I've received reports that uh Grievous has sent his fleet to Camino to well, destroy it. Possibly a fail-safe order left by Dooku should we go prying around in things that we were not meant to know.

SPEAKER_01 26:42

Do we know anything about uh this planet about Camino? Um this is a secret planet.

SPEAKER_00 26:48

You know that's where the clones came from. You know that at one point Zin and the senator she was working for went there to oversee some, like, just to kind of look over the clones. Uh she mentioned that Hallen and Yigen were there kind of dealing with clone training. They might have to be a little bit more.

SPEAKER_05 27:06

Oh yeah, are they still there? Ooh. Like, look, I know that uh Hallen Master Hallen was a long time ago. I'm not gonna you know, I'm not gonna say this character voice, I'm not gonna say this from the sheaf. But it's like, they they were a long time ago, but I'm also like, ooh, if they are on a planet that's getting like besieged by Grievous, I I wouldn't mind going for personal reasons to be like, are they okay too?

SPEAKER_02 27:30

Y'all good.

SPEAKER_05 27:31

Y'all good? Helen, I know you called us dropouts and we were real sensitive about that because it hurt, but you know, like it did seem like he was going through something.

SPEAKER_02 27:40

He's having a bad week.

SPEAKER_05 27:42

I worked with him for a long time before that happened. But still like to know he's okay.

SPEAKER_02 27:47

Maybe he is.

SPEAKER_05 27:48

But like, uh, no, we can we can definitely uh go to uh Camino and check it out.

SPEAKER_00 27:53

Now, I don't expect the Caminoans will be all that pleased with us sending people to root around into their uh what I assume to be deepest files. So I'm sending with you a slicing droid that I trust along with its handler to make sure that the mission goes smoothly. You will find them with your, I assume, usual vessel, the questing quail.

SPEAKER_05 28:19

Oh yeah, they're already there.

SPEAKER_00 28:20

Yes, they are uh getting what they need ready for the mission.

SPEAKER_05 28:24

Wow. I mean I appreciate your confidence in us. I mean like what we said.

SPEAKER_00 28:27

This is a very urgent matter. I hope that you can get there before the separatist military does. It seems that with Dooku's death, they've decided to go for the throat.

SPEAKER_01 28:36

Are you trying to tell us to go now and not wait until later? Yes, I believe that would be best.

SPEAKER_05 28:42

Okay, end of conversation.

SPEAKER_01 28:46

Okay. You don't want us to go later, Zen? Or no, and then I'm getting pulled out.

SPEAKER_05 28:51

Why do you have a fucking date, dude?

SPEAKER_01 28:53

I don't know, did you? I mean, I could.

SPEAKER_05 28:56

Did you and Zen have arrangements for some hanky panky? I'll say this.

SPEAKER_01 28:59

Where's Zin, by the way?

SPEAKER_00 29:00

Zin has been, um uh as you would have learned from the news, the separatists aggressively and maliciously targeted Dathomir for reprisal after the stuff about Savage got out.

SPEAKER_05 29:14

That's right, because she was Dathamiri. How is Zin? Have you been keeping up with her? With your Zen.

SPEAKER_01 29:21

How how is Zen? I would have liked to have known where she was after this entire situation.

SPEAKER_00 29:27

I mean, have you been uh helping her out? Have has she been like over more because she's got her little like underground swoop gang, but like you know, that's a a different circle.

SPEAKER_01 29:42

I probably would like I'd probably just sort of because like we've been ever ever since like the assassination, we've been kind of like wrapped up in our own thing, just sort of like off to the side, but I would have like tried to have uh sent uh sent her messages being like, hey, every uh uh everything okay, we're we're uh doing we're doing fine.

SPEAKER_05 30:05

We're just uh like when you found out about the when you found out about the bombardment of Dath Amir, would you have reached out to her and been like, hey fam, you good?

SPEAKER_06 30:13

Yeah, more poetic with your your side piece or your main piece.

SPEAKER_05 30:18

Yeah, I don't think you're trying to other pieces.

SPEAKER_02 30:21

Do not take her to a cold play concert.

SPEAKER_01 30:28

Uh Zin, uh where thou art you must be. Are you okay? Is all is everything good, my lady? You up lady.

SPEAKER_06 30:39

It's a very English poem. I'm not me I'm not talking about language. Just that thou art Mona More.

SPEAKER_05 30:46

Did you say you up? You up? Zin, my love, my lady, you up?

SPEAKER_01 30:54

I f I say this once again with muster. You up, fam. Not mon cherie.

SPEAKER_05 31:00

Zin, your communicator is like the glow of a thousand suns, and I long to see it illuminating your face. When you look at this dick pic that I sent you.

SPEAKER_00 31:10

Yeah, you do get the sense that um if you've been spending like more time with her, you do get the sense that she's been using your body to work through some things.

SPEAKER_01 31:20

Ooh. You know what? That's okay. I'm fine with that. That's that's I mean, stran stranger things have happened with my body. It's okay.

SPEAKER_06 31:28

My body is a jungle gym.

SPEAKER_01 31:31

Hell yeah.

SPEAKER_02 31:32

I lose my head. My body is for therapy. There's not a single problem you have that can't be solved by my penis.

SPEAKER_05 31:42

Wow, I can't believe that line actually worked. Yeah. Then again, I also couldn't believe that the line worked when Chris said he was thinking about starting a podcast and she went for it. I am never gonna get over that.

SPEAKER_02 31:58

It works, you know? It's a good pickup line.

SPEAKER_05 32:00

Well Disclaimer, it is not a good pickup line.

SPEAKER_00 32:03

Well, it's all about the context. Like Chris saying, like, Chris is a handsome falling gentleman with pheromones. Him saying that he's thinking of starting a podcast is like Henry Cavill saying that he builds his own PCs.

SPEAKER_02 32:16

Yes, there you go.

SPEAKER_03 32:17

Yeah, it is a little less attractive.

SPEAKER_05 32:22

Yeah, if it's if we were like I'm thinking of starting a third podcast, then it's like, ooh. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 32:28

I just love the sound of my own voice.

SPEAKER_05 32:30

Don't we all?

SPEAKER_00 32:32

So, as Chris may or may not have had a date, uh, you can head to the docking platforms of the Senate building, and you can see the questing quail is uh there being refueled by texts, and there is uh a little astromet droid, presumably the slicer that's kind of like rolling around and like plugging into a few things and making sure everything's working.

SPEAKER_05 33:01

Go say hello.

SPEAKER_00 33:02

Bonjour. Can say hello, it beeps and whistles at you, and the droid's handler uh comes down the ramp of your ship, and you hear him before you see him, just like uh as he's coming down the ramp, he's still kind of like inside, and he says, You know, I don't know what kind of people Chancellor's sending on this, but you guys gotta take better carrier. And then he sees you, and you see him, and you recognize Anakin Skywalker.

SPEAKER_01 33:32

Uh hello, bonjour, uh senior uh Mr. Anakin. Oh, it's you guys.

SPEAKER_05 33:37

Yeah. Why who'd you expect?

SPEAKER_00 33:39

Well, the Chancellor said that he was sending uh some SBI agents to uh deal with this Camino thing. I was expecting well, to be honest, I was expecting somebody a little less competent.

SPEAKER_05 33:50

Yeah, you think we're competent. Thanks, God.

SPEAKER_00 33:53

Well he gave you a born review.

SPEAKER_01 33:55

You're okay in my book now. Yeah, I'm gonna go. And what uh what have you uh what what what is what is your favorite thing about us?

SPEAKER_00 34:07

No, Palpatine says he has.

SPEAKER_01 34:09

I uh Oh, okay, Palpatine has. Okay, never mind. I've been busy.

SPEAKER_00 34:12

I thought it was.

SPEAKER_05 34:13

Yeah, he's a busy man.

SPEAKER_00 34:14

Yeah, I got you busy with. I got stuff to do, so we should probably just get this on a move. And you get the sense that, like, did he also have a date? Like you're taking him away from something that may have been very important. Everybody has dates.

SPEAKER_02 34:27

Wait, where's Palpatine?

SPEAKER_05 34:31

I told you he's finishing his thought.

SPEAKER_02 34:33

Don't worry. Anakin's all upset.

SPEAKER_05 34:37

Uh yeah, we'll we'll be uh sorry. I hate to be taking you away from something. No, it's it's fine. I can do it when I get back.

SPEAKER_01 34:44

It's okay. I I understand the want to get out of here. I've from what I understand, being a Jedi is truly unfortunate to business. Well, I mean, it's truly unfortunate. Well, you're not allowed to fall in love. That feels w weird. Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_06 35:02

Why were you expecting less competent people? Well, to be honest.

SPEAKER_00 35:06

Is it just the state of our ship or Yeah, you guys don't really seem to uh be very mechanically inclined, but also, you know, I haven't had much experience with uh the SBI, but if you guys were clones, then no problem. But uh, you know, being service corps, that's it's close to being being Jedi, better than uh the spooks that they got crawling around investigating other people, that's for sure.

SPEAKER_05 35:28

Uh what what exactly do you think our job is, Anakin? Sorry, Master Skywalker. Mr.

SPEAKER_00 35:36

Skywalker, I'm not sorry, not Master, Mr. Mr. Sir I can never remember grant you the rank of master. Mr. Sir. Grant you the rank of Mr.

SPEAKER_06 35:46

You should just really rub it.

SPEAKER_00 35:49

Master.

SPEAKER_05 35:49

No, master, right? I don't know. I didn't remember this last time. Master Skywalker.

SPEAKER_00 35:55

Just heard stories about the SBI sending their people around spying on people who were just trying to live their lives.

SPEAKER_01 36:04

Oh no, no, no, no. People that are living their lives, we let live the li let live their lives.

SPEAKER_00 36:10

I didn't get where I am today by following every order. So uh if you're gonna be running back to your supervisors and filing a report, I might be making things a little bit messy just a heads up.

SPEAKER_05 36:20

Okay, as long as you're not gonna be able to do that. Are you admitting to something?

SPEAKER_00 36:23

Huh? No.

SPEAKER_01 36:25

We are used to having it messy. No, I'm just saying uh make sure you write whatever he says down. I hope you're okay with bending rules a little bit. Starzan can bend anything. As long as you refrain from being that little bitch.

SPEAKER_05 36:42

You gonna knock if we have to do shit, Skywalker?

SPEAKER_00 36:47

Well, not if the shit that we have to do is in the best interest of the Republic.

SPEAKER_05 36:51

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 36:52

I'm just saying the right thing and the legal thing don't always coexist.

SPEAKER_05 36:56

We know that. Know that. Not that we'd ever act on it, obviously, like, you know, obviously we wouldn't do that, but you know. But you know, like wink, wink, wink, wink, wink, like let's just not be uh bitches.

SPEAKER_01 37:07

Refrain from being a bitch, and you we won't treat you like a bitch.

SPEAKER_00 37:11

Yeah, uh I just wanna how familiar are you guys with Republic military protocol?

SPEAKER_05 37:16

Um how familiar would we be? Because we've kind of been separate from uh the military apparatus.

SPEAKER_00 37:23

Rummy like a three-purple knowledge warfare. Probably actually no, a two purple and a black. You should know, probably, but you don't. Well, we'll fucking see it too much. Just bury the lead there.

SPEAKER_06 37:33

You don't.

SPEAKER_05 37:34

No, no, no, you won't. Uh three one success, three advantage. Okay.

SPEAKER_02 37:41

Oh, Lyria's got it. One failure, three threat.

SPEAKER_05 37:44

Well, I'm gonna roll anyways. You said two purple, one black.

SPEAKER_02 37:46

Yeah. Let's get all of it.

SPEAKER_05 37:48

I got two failures, one advantage. I don't need to know. Elyria knows it. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 37:52

Failure and a threat. Okay. Um, so Alyria, you know the answer is yes when Anakin says, uh, you know, a couple of people have said to me that um pretending to surrender and then attacking once they uh believe you've surrendered, they've been calling that a war crime. I've done it like five times. Is that true?

SPEAKER_06 38:10

Um Are you are you being serious right now?

SPEAKER_00 38:13

I mean it works.

SPEAKER_01 38:15

He's right uh oh. I never thought of doing that. Maybe I'd uh put it.

SPEAKER_06 38:20

Is this people or or robots?

SPEAKER_00 38:22

I don't know, whoever they got on their ships.

SPEAKER_06 38:25

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 38:25

Look, they're separatists. They've decided to fight against the republic, they're enemies, in my mind.

SPEAKER_06 38:30

So uh I mean they could surrender and change their minds.

SPEAKER_00 38:34

Oh no, what if it's a trick? That's why I never let anybody surrender to you.

SPEAKER_06 38:37

You did the trick. You did the trick.

SPEAKER_00 38:39

I know, that's how I know. So if somebody ever surrenders to me, I kill 'em.

SPEAKER_02 38:44

This is the best logic I've ever heard. An eye for an eye leaves everyone blind. No, because then there'd be one guy with one eye left.

SPEAKER_05 38:53

And I'm just gonna be able to do it.

SPEAKER_02 38:58

One Anakin versus 20 left wing Jedi. It's in a debate.

SPEAKER_05 39:05

Uh, you know, like maybe let's try to abstain from like war crimes, I guess.

SPEAKER_00 39:10

Okay, well, if we uh want to lose Camino, then that's what we'll do.

SPEAKER_05 39:14

Do you think the only way to win a war is via war crimes, Master? This is making me question your all on Front Street here. Look, I'm not saying that uh no one we've worked with has done war crimes before.

SPEAKER_00 39:28

I'm just saying that we're both thought you guys were cool.

SPEAKER_05 39:30

Oh, I'm just saying that's like a making.

SPEAKER_02 39:35

To be fair, is a public execution a war crime?

SPEAKER_05 39:39

Is an assassination a war crime? Usually before confessing my war crimes, I like to wait till someone's at least bought me dinner first.

SPEAKER_02 39:48

Ooh, fence.

SPEAKER_05 39:49

Then we put it out there.

SPEAKER_02 39:51

We put you we play a game of go fish with war crimes. Got any torture.

SPEAKER_05 39:56

Usually I have to wait till we're really serious before I show them the folder labeled my crimes.

SPEAKER_06 40:02

Look, he's a real Jedi. He doesn't form attachments.

SPEAKER_05 40:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 40:07

He doesn't take people to dinner and have attachments.

SPEAKER_02 40:10

He forms uh detachments.

SPEAKER_00 40:11

The highest law is the Jedi code, and even that's kinda eh, you know, it's sometimes. You want to see war crimes though. Imagine what I would have done to Count Dooku if I'd been the one to take him out. I can't believe that stupid Zabra got to him before me. Yeah. I don't think we said we wanted to see war crimes, but what would you have done, uh just out of curiosity? Oh, I I've been thinking about this for a while. You see this, and he holds up his uh gloved hand. It says Dooku took this from me on Geonosis. So here's what I was thinking.

SPEAKER_01 40:41

And do you would have cut off his hand if you're gonna have to get away?

SPEAKER_00 40:43

I would have cut off his hands, grabbed his lightsaber out of the air, crossed him in front of his neck, and sliced his head off.

SPEAKER_06 40:50

Like no prompting from anyone else?

SPEAKER_02 40:52

That's very what you would do, but it sounds like you did fight him. I did fight him. You did fight him.

SPEAKER_00 40:59

And what happened? Yeah, I fought him like three times. Oh, did you lose every time? Well, I mean, he got away a couple of times.

SPEAKER_01 41:06

Um and then you lost one time.

SPEAKER_00 41:09

You know, my powers doubled since the last time I saw him three months ago. So next time if there would have been a next time, I would have got him.

SPEAKER_01 41:17

Wait, is there a scale? Is that you measure yourself? That you know that your powers have doubled?

SPEAKER_02 41:22

Yeah, 40% got him, whereas only got him 20% the first time. He saw his health bar right above him like a fighting game.

SPEAKER_05 41:33

Is that like when you do your seed count, right, Starzin?

SPEAKER_06 41:36

Oh, I thought you were implying that he had a power level scanner from Dragon Ball Z.

SPEAKER_05 41:41

Yeah, no, remember before it was like that's how Starzan does his seed check. He looks at his balls with his power level scanner.

SPEAKER_02 41:50

Yeah. It's over 9,000!

SPEAKER_03 41:52

Well, look, I think uh Ever since Savage, the number's been a little low, if you know what we mean, but like Seems like R2's done with the check, so we should probably get a move on.

SPEAKER_05 42:01

Yeah, let's get the fuck out of ya.

SPEAKER_00 42:04

So he goes into the cockpit. Uh he just decides to sit in the pilot seat. Hope nobody minds.

SPEAKER_05 42:11

I kinda do.

SPEAKER_00 42:12

Did you win the Boont Eve pod race when you were nine years old? What's a boonieve?

SPEAKER_06 42:17

Is that like go-karts?

SPEAKER_00 42:19

I'm just joshing you. Hey, if you want to fly, be my guest. This is your ship after all. I apologize for uh for making an assumption.

SPEAKER_02 42:28

It totally didn't dawn on me at first that he was bragging about something really lame. Like it looked cool to us because we saw it in a movie, but it's like, hold on, what? You drove go-karts on a desert planet?

SPEAKER_05 42:40

Uh I'll have you know I won the boxcar races in my hometown. I'm sorry, I was not winning the Boonta Eve's pod right. Like, look, I'm the pilot, please. Like, if you want to sit in the co-pilot's chair, that's one thing, but like, you know, you don't grab another pilot stick without asking.

SPEAKER_00 42:58

He says, Well, no, I uh wouldn't want to intrude on a true skywalker, and he kind of winks at you, Illyria.

SPEAKER_06 43:06

Oh yeah. I frown at him.

SPEAKER_00 43:10

I uh I met one of your people uh some weeks back.

SPEAKER_06 43:13

My people?

SPEAKER_00 43:14

Yeah, uh Chis. He was uh mentioned that they had uh four sensitive navigators called Skywalkers. He thought it was funny.

SPEAKER_06 43:22

Huh. I guess it kind of is if you think you're the center of the universe.

SPEAKER_00 43:26

Well, my no, my name is Skywalker.

SPEAKER_06 43:29

Yes, I agree.

SPEAKER_05 43:31

I think she understood. It's very funny, Master Skywalker. Thank you for sharing.

SPEAKER_00 43:36

Well, at least somebody gets my jokes. Isn't that right, R2? And the droid like blows like a raspberry.

SPEAKER_07 43:42

Oh, that's cool.

SPEAKER_02 43:44

Oh, that droid's the best. Look at that droid.

SPEAKER_05 43:48

Uh out of curiosity, when I boot up the ship, has it filed an HR complaint regarding R2 yet? Not yet. Not yet.

SPEAKER_00 43:56

We'll give it time. Yeah. So uh Camino. Is pretty far out there. Uh it was removed from Galactic Star Chart, so they had to put it back in. So to astrogate to Camino, this is gonna be a three purple astrogation. And how well you do on this may determine whether or not you get there before the separatists do.

SPEAKER_06 44:24

Two success, one threat.

SPEAKER_00 44:26

Yeah. So you got that threat, so I'm just gonna roll a quick force die here to see what happens. Ooh, okay. Uh so you can get the ship powered up, take off the myriad, plot a course to Camino, Kala. You can feel Anakin kind of judging you where it's like, oh, you're doing that. And it's like very like basic like piloting stuff. It's not even like anything tricky. I uh uh you're doing an U-turn?

SPEAKER_06 44:56

Oh, you're doing 10 and 2. Do you? I do.

SPEAKER_05 45:00

Alright, alright.

SPEAKER_01 45:02

I do th I do three and nine.

SPEAKER_05 45:04

Backseat piloting. My god.

SPEAKER_01 45:07

Look, you're better than Obi-Wan, I'll say that.

SPEAKER_05 45:09

I don't know if that's an insult or a compliment. It feels like both.

SPEAKER_02 45:12

That's the Anakin charm, BD. Always a little bit of a bitch. This is how he bagged a uh fucking senator. We don't know that. We don't know that.

SPEAKER_01 45:24

In hindsight. In hindsight. Yes, we do not know this man. When we find out later, we'll be so well everything will just knock into place.

SPEAKER_00 45:32

Cala, what's your agility? Agility? My agility? Yeah. Uh four. Oh yeah. No, you are a better pilot than Obi-Wan.

SPEAKER_05 45:38

Oh wow. Yeah!

SPEAKER_02 45:39

I need to Photoshop uh Anakin and Padme. She's out of your league.

SPEAKER_05 45:44

I'd like to imagine we find it out from Pad we find out from Padme at some point and we're all like, him?

unknown 45:50

Him?

SPEAKER_05 45:50

Okay. Do I need to roll anything for piloting?

SPEAKER_00 45:53

Or does it Well, um, so Illyria was able to plot a course to Camino. That seems pretty straightforward. And when you arrive, so she got you success, but also threat. So you get there, and space around the planet seems clear, or at least clear of active combat. There are, of course, uh several Republic ships in orbit that are ready for the Separatists to arrive. They've uh received intel that they're on their way. And you do get a hail asking you to send an IFF code to confirm that uh you are in fact a Republic vessel.

SPEAKER_05 46:37

We would have that, right? We are a Republic vessel.

SPEAKER_00 46:39

Yeah, you're supposed to be there. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 46:41

Send the code.

SPEAKER_00 46:43

You can send it, but then, like, as you're sending it, it gets stuck. You get like the circle that that's spinning. You get the spinning pinwheel as it's set as it's sending. And your screens all begin to fuzz over.

SPEAKER_03 46:59

Uh-oh. And are are the are the separatists here? Are they here? Are they jamming us?

SPEAKER_00 47:05

Yeah, Anakin says, yeah, I think we're being jammed.

SPEAKER_03 47:07

Strawberry.

SPEAKER_00 47:09

And the sensors go off as all around you, these giant separatist warships just pop out of hyperspace. They just blink into existence right next to you. Like fuck! It's so close that like you just see a ship's hull right in front of you. Just right under your ship. So pull give me an evasive maneuver here. Give me a call it a red and a purple pilot and give you a destiny point.

SPEAKER_05 47:38

Red, purple, yellow, through green. One success, we're fine. Yeah!

SPEAKER_00 47:43

You're fine. Yeah. Fly out of the way. And almost as soon as you are clear of crashing into the Separatist ship, the front screen, the front window is just lit up by red and blue blasts as the ships just start going at it.

SPEAKER_05 48:04

Like at each other or at us?

SPEAKER_00 48:06

At each other. The Republic ships and the Separatist ships just start blasting each other.

SPEAKER_05 48:11

Eeeh! Can I get us down to the planet through the firefight?

SPEAKER_00 48:14

Uh, yeah. So in case there are any uh droids that are gunning that might hit you, in might only be like crossfire as well. So we'll say that this is gonna be against the gunnery, one of their gunners. So this will be against To avoid getting hit, this will be against two reds and a purple.

SPEAKER_05 48:34

Reds and a purple.

SPEAKER_00 48:36

Piloting.

SPEAKER_05 48:37

Can I kinda yell at Anakin just like you wanna copilot? Are you too far up your own ass for that?

SPEAKER_00 48:42

I mean, Illyria, do you want to copilot? Uh uh no?

SPEAKER_05 48:47

You could you could add unskilled. Unskin's a pilot!

SPEAKER_00 48:49

You could add unskin the spil.

SPEAKER_05 48:51

Or is it is it only like two seats, and that's why it would be uh me and Illyria.

SPEAKER_00 48:54

Yeah, it would be either Anakin or Illyria.

SPEAKER_05 48:57

Oh well fuck that then. Illyria, just give me a blue.

SPEAKER_00 49:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 49:00

Okay.

SPEAKER_05 49:01

Because you only have like two agility, right? And I'm guessing no brains.

SPEAKER_01 49:04

Yeah.

unknown 49:04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 49:05

No, I'll I'll take a blue.

SPEAKER_01 49:06

I got four agility, I'd probably help out.

SPEAKER_05 49:08

Uh I think it's too unless Chris can lend me an unskilled assistance and I can roll one of the things.

SPEAKER_00 49:13

I mean, Illyria's already sitting there.

SPEAKER_05 49:15

Yeah, no, everything cancelled. Fuck!

SPEAKER_00 49:18

So, no, you can't get any closer to the planet. The fire is too thick.

SPEAKER_05 49:24

I I don't suppose, like, uh how how big are the droid gun ships? Like, if someone hop do we Oh no, because we're in the fucking questing quail. We don't have any guns on this ship.

SPEAKER_00 49:33

Nope.

SPEAKER_05 49:33

Damn!

SPEAKER_00 49:34

I think you would have you would have some guns.

SPEAKER_05 49:38

So someone could maybe hop on the gun.

SPEAKER_00 49:40

This is a it's a ship that's designed to be escorted.

SPEAKER_05 49:43

Yeah, it's not a not a not a bruiser of a ship. I'm just thinking, like, if someone can kind of like maybe clear like a couple little ones out of the way or something, that might be fuzzin' up the works. Unless there's anything that like uh R2 could do to boost our shields or something, I assume that little pervert's already plugged in.

SPEAKER_00 50:02

Yeah, Astromex can uh contribute. So once R2 has a chance to jack into this ship's systems, they provide he provides an extra blue to one's skill check per turn. So he basically just gives a free assist.

SPEAKER_05 50:18

Okay. Well that was my attempt. Any other ideas?

SPEAKER_01 50:22

Uh what's the situation? Our computers aren't working. Uh our computers aren't working, we're being chased.

SPEAKER_00 50:27

They've jammed your systems. The Separatist fleet has come out of hyperspace, like right on top of you, and then they've just started blasting the Republic Fleet that's guarding Camino. So get you you want to get two Camino, but there's a lot they're firing back and forth at each other.

SPEAKER_02 50:42

So we might get hit in between.

SPEAKER_01 50:44

If I started firing guns at uh like uh whatever kind of gunnery we have on this ship at them, they will they would probably uh come toward us, wouldn't they? Yeah. I would assume.

SPEAKER_02 50:55

It turns out that's what we spent all our money on in between games. They might.

SPEAKER_05 50:59

We're actually broke now.

SPEAKER_06 51:01

Can I try and find uh a different communications frequency to get around their jamming?

SPEAKER_05 51:07

Oh yeah, maybe call for an escort or something to bring us down? Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 51:11

So let me see how good their jam is. Raspberry. I hate raspberry.

SPEAKER_02 51:18

Pump up the jam.

SPEAKER_00 51:19

So to jam uh their comms, yeah, they got on their roll three success and two threats, so they might have left a hole. So why don't you roll me a two purple? Uh, and you have to beat three success. You have to get at least three success. Or, well, we'll say that those success, um, those three success, we'll call it a three purple. But those two threats, you can add a blue to your computers.

SPEAKER_06 51:44

Can I upgrade one of my dice?

SPEAKER_00 51:46

Can anyone else add a blue? Uh with the destiny point? Uh yeah.

SPEAKER_05 51:50

Because I'm I'm in the other chair. Could I could I give Elyria a blue if she was able to give me a blue?

SPEAKER_00 51:56

You're since you're piloting, I think probably not. Too cream. But R2, since R2 is jacked in, he can provide a blue.

SPEAKER_02 52:05

About Chris's foresight powers.

SPEAKER_01 52:07

Oh yeah. Can I uh I completely forgot about those. Uh can I see if I can use any kind of foresight to give an advantage or something?

SPEAKER_05 52:16

Yeah, who do you want to use it on?

SPEAKER_01 52:17

Hmm.

SPEAKER_05 52:19

Snobley are yet to see like uh what is what is the path that's gonna get her through.

SPEAKER_00 52:24

Because you are kind of limited to short range, is that right? I have two ranks in range. Okay. Um that probably s you're in space, that still probably wouldn't be enough to get to. And also, like the people doing the hacking are probably droids.

SPEAKER_01 52:39

Fair enough. Yeah, I'll I'll I'll make sure that uhly uh goes the right direction here.

SPEAKER_00 52:46

Um, interesting. You you won't need it, but uh while you guys have R2, I will also tell you that he has an ability once per encounter, as an incidental, he can convert one dark side destiny point to light. Oh so anytime you guys want to use that, let me know and I'll just flip it for you.

SPEAKER_05 53:04

That's once the goodest droid.

SPEAKER_00 53:06

Once per encounter, yeah. You have Oh shit. Yeah. So I think if a uh if Illyria used one, so you guys have six available right now, so you're fine.

SPEAKER_05 53:15

Still, that's good to have. And that feels very OP.

SPEAKER_00 53:18

He's R2 D2.

SPEAKER_05 53:20

He is R2 D2. The best droid.

SPEAKER_00 53:23

Yeah, there's a reason that he's the slicer and Anakin's the handler.

SPEAKER_06 53:29

Ooh. Three success, three advantage.

SPEAKER_00 53:33

Nice.

SPEAKER_06 53:33

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 53:34

Woo! So you can cut through their jamming frequencies. You have three advantage. Do you want to do anything with that?

SPEAKER_06 53:44

Can I just like totally cut out their reverse the jamming, get them all jammed up. Yeah, but do we want any like information from them? Or just jam them up.

SPEAKER_00 53:56

Jam good. So with three advantage, if you want a couple of options. One would be to transmit your findings to the Republic fleet so they can break the jam as well. Option two would be to completely cloak yourselves from their sensors.

SPEAKER_02 54:12

Ooh.

SPEAKER_00 54:13

Could we give them a porn virus?

SPEAKER_06 54:15

Because if we cloak ourselves, then we we can get onto the planet and they could be waylaid by fighting up here.

SPEAKER_00 54:22

Yeah. Because one one option is gonna help the Republic, but might get you shot. The other option would help you uh make it easier for you to get down to Camino, but might result in more Republic casualties.

SPEAKER_05 54:32

I mean real uh Cause we are we are here on like a secret-ish mission.

SPEAKER_02 54:39

Got a real trolley problem here.

SPEAKER_05 54:41

But also I I do like Mike's idea of just like sending fucking Porto pop-ups to all the droid ships, and I just like to imagine all the droids being like hot wires exposed. Yes, please.

SPEAKER_02 54:55

I was thinking more like, you know, R Town MP3 limpizkit, Lincoln Park Kitty, uh disturbed. The old lime wire days.

SPEAKER_05 55:07

I was gonna say lime wires.

SPEAKER_02 55:12

New metal droids. Oh, this is definitely a real song and not just like a Trojan virus.

SPEAKER_05 55:20

Yeah, it's all these things. Don't you want all these things?

SPEAKER_06 55:24

Fine as long as it's not an EXE file.

SPEAKER_01 55:27

Why is this song uh that I downloaded a video? Oh no. That's more blood than I ever ever wanted to see. What's this girl doing in a bathtub?

SPEAKER_02 55:40

I'm just kidding, that was the video.

SPEAKER_05 55:42

Take us out of the take us away from the past! I don't wanna be there anymore.

SPEAKER_01 55:47

I don't want to be there anymore either.

SPEAKER_05 55:49

Because we got our own like a secret-ish mission, which makes me feel like maybe Cloakian just going down, but also more Republic casualties feels bad, bro.

SPEAKER_01 55:58

I kinda I kinda wanna help him out. I kinda wanna help him out.

SPEAKER_05 56:02

You know what I'm a pleasure. Let's transmit to the although ultimately it would be Illyria making this call.

SPEAKER_06 56:10

Uh, and transmit.

SPEAKER_00 56:13

Okay, so you can transmit? You can transmit the frequency to the Republic to help them overcome the jamming. Now, uh, because you did this, uh, the next piloting role to get down to the planet is gonna have a black because now the Republic can target and they're firing a lot lot more.

SPEAKER_05 56:31

Woohoo! Okay, what's it gonna be?

SPEAKER_00 56:34

This is also gonna be against uh Gunnery. So this will be two reds, two purples, and we'll say a blue because they're not trying to hit you, but also a black because they're firing a lot more than chaos. Damn it.

SPEAKER_05 56:50

Uh what do we have for Destiny?

SPEAKER_00 56:52

You have six.

SPEAKER_05 56:53

I'm I'm gonna flip one, but that's a lot of destiny point. I'll upgrade my role so we're evenly matched. Ooh! Sorry, that's just a lot of threat. Uh, two success and seventh threat.

SPEAKER_01 57:06

Oh boy.

SPEAKER_05 57:07

That's a lot of threat.

SPEAKER_01 57:08

That's a lot of threat.

SPEAKER_05 57:09

That's a lot of threat. It's not despair, but it may as well be because that's a lot of threat.

SPEAKER_01 57:14

So, after after breaking a window and walking by a black cat.

SPEAKER_00 57:18

Yeah, you ain't dead, but I'm gonna say seven threat, that's gonna give you a uh critical hit on your vehicle. Okay, 59.

SPEAKER_05 57:26

You know, we so rarely do like vehicle combat, I have no frame of reference for what that's gonna be.

SPEAKER_00 57:31

Shields failing.

SPEAKER_05 57:32

Uh oh. Oh low.

SPEAKER_00 57:36

Yeah, you can blast across the Republic formation. Your shields are down. Should you need to make a hasty escape from Camino for any reason, or should any stray blasts hit your ship, your shields will not help.

SPEAKER_05 57:51

Okay, let's get down to that planet.

SPEAKER_00 57:53

You can head down to the planet towards Topoka City, where there is a spare landing pad that you can set down on. It is raining, it is slippery, it's hard to see, but uh the battles in the sky are remaining there. It's hard to tell what's blaster fire, turbo laser fire, and what is just thunder and lightning. But at least for right now, it all seems to be the same. So you've landed on Camino. You can step out of your ship into the wind and the rain. Can you set fire to the rain? Uh, not at this point, I don't think. Son of a bitch, okay.

SPEAKER_05 58:37

Not that kind of planet.

SPEAKER_00 58:39

Not flammable rain. We gotta wait till Adele does her third album.

SPEAKER_05 58:44

Because uh R2 is here to be our slicer. Could we be like, okay, R2, like, so to get the information that we need, where do we need to get you in this facility?

SPEAKER_00 58:52

He whistles at you. I don't speak that language, R2. And Anakin says, I think we're looking for a big computer, probably uh somewhere well defended and fortified.

SPEAKER_05 59:02

Cool. Let's go in like uh the compound, I guess, and look for someone so somewhere well defended and fortified.

SPEAKER_00 59:09

So you can enter the doors slide open, and you can see a slim, long-necked Kaminoan seize you, and they walk up to you as fast as Kaminoans generally walk, which is still very slow. They're very graceful, they take their time. And they say, Welcome, Master Jedi's. Is everything going well? We had noticed that a battle had begun above. Did General Fisto send you down for some reason?

SPEAKER_05 59:43

Yeah. Yes. Um, General Fisto sent us down. Um, because we have a uh a s a droid here that could um needs one of the large computers to be able to send a message back to the Republic to call for reinforcements that's still jammed up above.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:02

Or maybe a deception.

SPEAKER_05 1:00:03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:06

Deception again. Three purple.

SPEAKER_05 1:00:09

Three purple? Yeah. Let's see. Two success, three threads.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:16

And they say, of course, Master Jedi. All I need is your code cylinder so that I can verify the request.

SPEAKER_05 1:00:27

We didn't have time to uh to get anything. It was just like, ah, just go.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:32

You do not carry code cylinders with you?

SPEAKER_05 1:00:35

Um, oh wait, oh wait, because that's just like an ID thing. Cause Anakin would have one, right? He's a Jedi master.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:42

Uh yeah, um we don't have code cylinders with us, uh, as such. Um you can just let us through, right? And the Kaminoan says, no, unfortunately, due to the increased security since the last separatist attack, we must verify everything in triplicate.

SPEAKER_05 1:01:04

Yeah, but the like they're they're gonna die. They're gonna die up there if you don't let us through. They're gonna die!

SPEAKER_00 1:01:10

General Fisto should have taken the time it takes to verify into account in his scheduling.

SPEAKER_05 1:01:18

Yeah, that's not how it works in wartime. Please, my friend! Our friends up there, they're gonna die if you don't let us get to a computer to send this message.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:26

She's like grabbing him and shaking him.

SPEAKER_03 1:01:31

Give him shaking Kamanolin syndrome.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:34

Oh Jesus. Are you gonna do a co- is this a coercion?

SPEAKER_05 1:01:39

Yeah, let's try to do a coercion. Please, my friends are dying up there!

SPEAKER_01 1:01:43

Please, uh, we need uh you we uh we need you to help us because uh we uh because more people will die unless we do a s.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:53

So Chris is helping you, you're shaking him, you're really putting the mustard on, so you can add two blues onto this. It's a three purple.

SPEAKER_05 1:01:59

Three purple. What do we have for destiny?

SPEAKER_00 1:02:02

Uh you got five.

SPEAKER_05 1:02:04

I'm gonna flip one to get our to get a yellow for that. Four success, one threat.

SPEAKER_00 1:02:10

Okay. And they say, very well, very well, please calm down. Given the urgency of the situation above, I will help you. Follow me. And they start gracefully doing their like model slow-motion model runway walk down one of these blindingly white-lit Kamino and hallways. And they say, can you elaborate on the nature of the hurry?

SPEAKER_05 1:02:39

On the nature of the hurry, look up!

SPEAKER_01 1:02:41

Sorry, that was rude, but like sloth from this guy is like the sloth from Zootopia.

SPEAKER_05 1:02:47

Ever every second, you know, more people are dying up there.

SPEAKER_00 1:02:51

Well, we can create more.

SPEAKER_05 1:02:54

Oh, okay, but there's like all s uh mm-mm. I'm not gonna argue with that, that but there's also like, you know, non-clones up there that we can't just make more of, but also like we shouldn't do be that way with the clone, it doesn't matter! It doesn't matter! Oh god, is our friend Jet up there? We don't know. No way of knowing.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:13

So you can uh follow this Kamanoan to another room. From what you can tell, like there's nothing to distinguish one room from another. It's all just like white walls, white lights, white panels. You enter this room, and there's like these rings of Kaminoans working at computer panels that all have these blinding white readouts. Like, how can they even see what's going on?

SPEAKER_05 1:03:37

Calla wouldn't know that. Kal would not know anything, but uh I just remembered a thing. Yeah. Illyria.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:44

Oh, can Illyria also see them? So Kaminoans can see color in the ultraviolet spectrum.

SPEAKER_06 1:03:51

I can see infrared.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:53

Yeah, that's not the same.

SPEAKER_05 1:03:55

So Illyria does not know jack shit.

SPEAKER_06 1:03:58

I'm seeing shit you ain't never heard of. He's got a lot of things.

SPEAKER_00 1:04:02

Yeah, so so they are they are at the very opposite ends of the light spectrum. So no, uh Illyria. I can't see.

SPEAKER_05 1:04:12

Are you saying we're too hot?

SPEAKER_06 1:04:14

Sure.

SPEAKER_05 1:04:15

Oh, little parts of you.

SPEAKER_01 1:04:19

How dare you?

SPEAKER_05 1:04:20

Which parts you're looking at?

SPEAKER_01 1:04:21

The ones affected by sunlight.

SPEAKER_06 1:04:23

From a distance, I can see it all.

SPEAKER_00 1:04:24

You nasty little covert.

SPEAKER_06 1:04:26

We're not talking about this because I don't know what they're looking at.

SPEAKER_00 1:04:29

Yeah, you can't tell if they're looking at porn or whatever. But there's like no idea. And the camera goes and like talks to one of the others that is at one of these white terminals. And that one comes over and says, Hello, Master Jedi. You have a mission of great import and urgency.

SPEAKER_05 1:04:51

Yeah, get more urgent by the second!

SPEAKER_00 1:04:54

Please tell me what you need, and I will attempt to assist you to the best of my ability.

SPEAKER_05 1:04:59

We have a droid here! Just needs access to one of your computers to boost a signal to the Republic because all the ships above are jammed. They can't send out a signal to ask for reinforcements.

SPEAKER_00 1:05:11

Oh, we had noticed that our systems were being jammed, but that seems to have cleared up.

SPEAKER_05 1:05:17

No, it's still going on up there. It's still going that's why we had to come down here, because we knew it was to clear it up for you here on the ground, but it's still going on for the ships.

SPEAKER_00 1:05:25

Give me a deception. Yeah That sounds about right.

SPEAKER_05 1:05:29

I got a deception.

SPEAKER_00 1:05:30

You're gonna be lying. You're gonna be deceiving against this Kamino Wins computers role.

SPEAKER_05 1:05:36

Ah, okay.

SPEAKER_00 1:05:39

Uh so that'll be three reds and a purple.

SPEAKER_05 1:05:44

Purple! Woo-hoo! Okay, I didn't get a flip a denacity point. Okay. Hey, should I downgrade a red or get another rank? Because I only got one rank in deception. Weeeee God damn it, I'm supposed Uh no. Mmm mmm mmm but it's not a career skill. Ugh, I don't wanna do a mid-game level up. Not a career skill. And none of my powers help me out with deception. Um I'm gonna flip a destiny point. I'm gonna downgrade one of the reds. So it's you said it was three red and one purple, so it'd be two red, two purple. Yeah. One despair, nothing else. Just one despair. Just one despair. Chris, this is really your fault for not being good at lying too. I wasn't designed to be this kind of character, but also I kind of was. My fault? Yeah, somehow this is your fault, Chris. I don't know how, but somehow it is.

SPEAKER_01 1:06:53

Okay, I'm sorry for being who I am.

SPEAKER_05 1:06:56

You're less honest, man, because otherwise that's what we're left with. Yeah, man, it's still jammed for the It's still jammed for those ships up top, man! I I'm I'm telling ya, we need this big computer.

SPEAKER_00 1:07:09

So you're lying to this individual.

SPEAKER_05 1:07:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:07:13

And you are a group of people coming down in a Republican diplomatic shuttle. You are dressed in the way you're dressed, you have lightsabers, presumably Jedi, you don't have any code cylinders that you would have been sent down with. You're not following any of the proper protocols that you would have been using. You don't have your code cylinders, you don't like you're just kinda making stuff up as you go along, it seems like. This Kaminoan, it seems like they don't think you're actually Jedi. And you can see them, like, just kind of surreptitiously press a little button on their screen. And they say, One moment, uh, somebody will be here to deal with you shortly. Deal with us.

SPEAKER_05 1:07:58

Oh no, I wonder if it's Master Hallen. Is Master Hallen gonna come kill us?

SPEAKER_00 1:08:02

So the doors open, a squad of clone troopers rushes in, and you can hear the hums of laser swords as they are followed quickly by Hallen and Yigen.

SPEAKER_05 1:08:16

Master Hallen! Yigen!

SPEAKER_00 1:08:18

And Hallen says, Separatist infiltrators, I would have thought better of you.

SPEAKER_05 1:08:22

What?

SPEAKER_01 1:08:23

Shh, maybe he's trying to get us out. We are so sorry, we d we uh this has been a giant misunderstanding. Surrender now, and this won't go difficult.

SPEAKER_00 1:08:35

But if we surrender later.

SPEAKER_05 1:08:37

Messi, you know us. What are you talking about?

SPEAKER_00 1:08:40

It's been a long time since I've seen you.

SPEAKER_05 1:08:42

Yeah, because you have uh Yigen, what you know us? What the fuck it's we're not separatist interfiltrators, what are you talking about?

SPEAKER_00 1:08:49

Then where's your code cylinders?

SPEAKER_05 1:08:51

Look, there's a very reasonable explanation for this. And we'd love to give it to you, Master.

SPEAKER_02 1:08:57

I can explain. Let me explain.

SPEAKER_00 1:09:03

Close your mouths and let your hearts explain. He jumps at you to attack.

SPEAKER_06 1:09:08

Uh, this seems like letting our bodies explain instead of our hearts, but so, uh Chris, you shot his legs off.

SPEAKER_00 1:09:18

I did. Oh, you did shoot his legs off. Do you have any defense? Anything that could happen.

SPEAKER_01 1:09:25

Uh uh, uh no. I got two soak. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I think I'll survive this. Yeah. It'll be fine. He's gonna attack you.

SPEAKER_00 1:09:36

Well, that's a shame. Please don't. Interesting. Failure with four advantages.

SPEAKER_03 1:09:42

Oh.

SPEAKER_00 1:09:43

So, Chris, uh, you have had some training. You have uh rebuilt your lightsaber. So as he leaps at you to attack instinctually without even having to think about it, you just find yourself taking your lightsaber off your belt, turning it on, blocking the strike. And he looks into your eyes and he says, You are Chris. Uh uh. And he turns off his lightsaber and he nods to the communists and he nods to the clone troopers and he nods to Yigen, and everybody everybody settles down. He says, You can't be too careful, they may you may have been Claudite infiltrators, Shido shapeshifters, droids with holographic skin. Can't be too careful here. Stranger things have happened to us, yes.

SPEAKER_05 1:10:31

You know what, I guess when you put it like that, that's uh less hurtful that you sprang immediately to murder, but you know, that's fair.

SPEAKER_01 1:10:39

I honestly th uh uh not figured out, but had an idea of what you were planning in the first place already. Then you attacked us and I defended myself, and well, well, I I'm happy that I was right.

SPEAKER_00 1:10:51

And he notices your traveling companion and he says, Then this must be the real Night Skywalker.

SPEAKER_05 1:10:58

Yeah, you see.

SPEAKER_01 1:11:00

Absolutely And then I I I like w I I like whack uh uh Anakin in the arm up. I'm like, introduce yourself, you rude bitch.

SPEAKER_00 1:11:10

Yeah, this is our old master. That's true, I'm yeah. Hey, how's it going?

SPEAKER_05 1:11:16

Very good, very good. Thank you for that, Anakin. Sorry, Master Skywalker. But but but but Master Master Hallen, like uh uh look, can we talk? Maybe?

SPEAKER_00 1:11:26

Yes, please explain what you're doing here.

SPEAKER_05 1:11:29

Um, privately Very well.

SPEAKER_00 1:11:32

Let's go find somewhere private. I have uh an apartment here in the city.

SPEAKER_05 1:11:36

Sure, let's go talk to Helen. Maybe if we can be like, look, man, fishy shit is happening.

SPEAKER_00 1:11:42

So you can follow him, and uh he leads you through the halls of the city towards his apartment. Clone troopers milling around, Kaminoans milling around, lots of people. If you want to try and steal a way to escape somewhere, then uh you'll probably have a difficult time. Yigen, uh, who hasn't seen you in quite a while. She she keeps looking at you, Chris. Oh yeah, because it's been a few years.

SPEAKER_05 1:12:07

How old would Yigen be now?

SPEAKER_00 1:12:09

Like she was she was twelve?

SPEAKER_05 1:12:11

Okay, so not necessarily like a uh like oh look at this handsome slightly older man who I am just noticing now that I have uh I am an adult.

SPEAKER_00 1:12:21

Yeah, because Yigen was twelve, so she would be like 13 or 14 now.

SPEAKER_05 1:12:26

Oh, okay, so she's still like. But what kind of look is she giving Chris?

SPEAKER_00 1:12:30

So she's looking at you, Chris, and she says, I know your secret.

SPEAKER_01 1:12:39

Your girlfriend came here once. Oh, and what did she say? That's girl talk. You know what?

SPEAKER_05 1:12:46

A girl talk with Zen.

SPEAKER_01 1:12:48

You know what?

SPEAKER_00 1:12:49

I'll leave that between you two. You know, if you were a real Jedi, you'd be expelled for that kind of stuff.

SPEAKER_01 1:12:54

It's a good thing I'm not a real Jedi, Zen.

SPEAKER_05 1:12:56

Yeah. It's lovely to see you too, Yaigen. What a weird thing to say to someone you just saw again. It's good to see that you and Master Hallen are okay.

SPEAKER_00 1:13:05

And they do see you making friends. I mean, it's hard to make friends. Everybody here is a child. That's the truth.

SPEAKER_05 1:13:14

Yeah, mm-hmm. Yeah, you know what?

SPEAKER_01 1:13:17

She's not wrong.

SPEAKER_05 1:13:19

Okay, but like, either Are you like you but you are a child?

SPEAKER_06 1:13:24

You're still trying to justify a bunch of children.

SPEAKER_05 1:13:29

You shut your mouth, Elyria!

SPEAKER_02 1:13:30

And Helen says it's true they are children, but they are pure.

SPEAKER_00 1:13:34

I mean, good, but don't say it that way. A little weird. And eventually he leads you to his little sparse apartment. He says, Can I get you anything? We have bowls of clear noodles.

SPEAKER_05 1:13:46

Just like out ready. The counter is covered.

SPEAKER_02 1:13:53

Are they in some sort of clear sauce as well?

SPEAKER_00 1:13:55

No, it's just clear noodles. Like, he opens like a cupboard and they're in like these little like Pop-Tart packets.

SPEAKER_02 1:14:01

I don't think they look like optic fibers.

SPEAKER_00 1:14:03

Are they cooked? No, we have to rehydrate them. They're rational.

SPEAKER_05 1:14:08

Uh maybe maybe just the water that you'd use for rehydrating them.

SPEAKER_00 1:14:13

So it's good to stay hydrated.

SPEAKER_06 1:14:15

It's always on the trip.

SPEAKER_05 1:14:17

We ate on the trip. We oh, I'm all full up on Pleonatic.

SPEAKER_00 1:14:20

How many carbs are in these noodles? Well, Starzen, they are like standard for the kind of food that you would be used to aboard the Yoda.

SPEAKER_05 1:14:30

Maybe they're like Kanyaku noodles where they are like weirdly low calorie, so people on extreme diets will end up dying because they eat nothing but those, but they have a horrific texture.

SPEAKER_06 1:14:40

God, they're the worst.

SPEAKER_05 1:14:44

But if Starzan is avoiding carbs, if if Starzan is on a cut right now.

SPEAKER_01 1:14:50

Why would you be avoiding carbs? Eat those carbs. They make you a big up.

SPEAKER_06 1:15:00

God, he stinks.

SPEAKER_02 1:15:01

Boiled eggs.

SPEAKER_05 1:15:02

Yeah, maybe just like open a window so Starzan can hang his ass out at you know how he is.

SPEAKER_02 1:15:08

And if that's not enough, creatine. So much creatine.

SPEAKER_05 1:15:11

Oh god.

SPEAKER_02 1:15:13

In this cramped little space that we spend days or perhaps weeks in together without any new recycled air.

SPEAKER_05 1:15:22

Yeah, you know what I love about sharing an apartment with Starzan? The fact that I'm just I'm never hungry, I never want to eat, I never have an appetite because of this. Saves a lot of money.

SPEAKER_01 1:15:36

It's a it's a good weight loss program.

SPEAKER_05 1:15:39

Star Saiy keeps getting more and more swole, and the rest of us are just wasting away. Just eating your food.

SPEAKER_00 1:15:45

Well, the noodles are ready, and he like drains the noodles into a strainer. Oh right, I forgot. And like pours it into a into a cup, and he gives the noodle water to you, Cala.

SPEAKER_05 1:15:56

I just wanted the you know what? Fine. Is it very weird?

SPEAKER_00 1:16:00

It is it is very starchy water.

SPEAKER_06 1:16:03

I just wanted water. Save water. I brew my coffee of my leftover macaroni noodles. Does it taste good? No, heart.

SPEAKER_00 1:16:11

No. He says on the planet made of rain.

SPEAKER_05 1:16:17

Like, there's no water to spare.

SPEAKER_00 1:16:19

Uh so it sounds like you guys are here on an urgent mission?

SPEAKER_05 1:16:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:16:23

It's um We're on a mission from God. Well, the Chancellor. The Chancellor. Not God. No. Chancellor.

SPEAKER_05 1:16:31

Yeah. He's not calling himself God.

SPEAKER_02 1:16:34

Just a man, not with a man's courage.

SPEAKER_05 1:16:36

But y but yeah, we're on uh we're on a mission from the uh from the Chancellor to um get some uh some clarity about some things that might have been happening, um, you know, with the creation of the clone army.

SPEAKER_00 1:16:49

Oh well, I'm afraid I can't help you with that.

SPEAKER_05 1:16:51

No?

SPEAKER_00 1:16:52

No, that's um that's I can't.

SPEAKER_01 1:16:55

Do you have a moral responsibility against it or what?

SPEAKER_05 1:16:58

Well, there's nothing to learn. Then what's the problem?

SPEAKER_00 1:17:01

Well, there's it's just there's nothing to know. You won't be able to do that.

SPEAKER_05 1:17:04

Okay, but we don't know what there is, so clearly there's something to know.

SPEAKER_00 1:17:07

If that's all you came for, I'll tell you that there is nothing to know, and I'll send you on your way.

SPEAKER_02 1:17:12

There are knowns and there are unknown unknowns. Perception. Absence of evidence isn't evidence of absence. Okay, you can perceive against his cool.

SPEAKER_05 1:17:21

Let me perceive. That'll be a two red. I think a three yellow. Let's see.

SPEAKER_00 1:17:27

Two red perception.

SPEAKER_05 1:17:28

Total wash! Everyone's talking about how good of a roller I am.

SPEAKER_02 1:17:33

Well, you didn't you haven't had any despairs or failures. Yeah. Total fucking wash, wow. I'll try it too. Let's see. What is my perception? Not great. I have one skill level.

SPEAKER_06 1:17:43

Wait, how many is it against?

SPEAKER_02 1:17:45

Two red.

SPEAKER_05 1:17:45

Two red.

SPEAKER_06 1:17:46

Uh, absolutely not.

SPEAKER_05 1:17:47

Come on, Elyria.

SPEAKER_01 1:17:50

I'm feeling we're second half. What are you gonna get away? Two red against two.

SPEAKER_02 1:17:55

Come on, come on. I got no success, but I also got no failures. But I got two advantage.

SPEAKER_01 1:18:04

You got two success. Oh, you said you got no success. No success. But you also got two advantages. I got two success. And then a despair. And then a two success.

SPEAKER_06 1:18:13

And a threat and a despair.

SPEAKER_05 1:18:15

Yeah! Yeah! Illyria, that's two success right there, baby! You won! What's the worst that can happen? You've won the guy the podcast!

SPEAKER_00 1:18:26

So, Illyria. You can definitely tell that obviously Hallen is hiding something. He knows something he doesn't want you to know. He knows something about what's going on with these clones. He knows something what's going on with these clones that he definitely doesn't want getting back to anyone. You can see that, like, he's standing kind of with his hands on his hips in a way that where he's trying not to look like he's an inch away from grabbing his lightsaber. Uh-uh. Can we stop him? And he says, I would advise you to leave. There's nothing here for you to know.

SPEAKER_06 1:19:02

Oh, let's make this despair good.

SPEAKER_00 1:19:06

Hell yeah.

SPEAKER_06 1:19:07

You're clearly lying. Are you in your right mind? Because you seem like you're insane like the time you kidnapped us. Oh. And went fucking crazy.

SPEAKER_00 1:19:18

And Yigen says, Master Hallen was cleared for duty. He's in his right mind.

SPEAKER_06 1:19:23

Well, I guess it must have rubbed off on you, you crazy little bitch.

SPEAKER_05 1:19:29

Oh my god. Can I roll perception on Yigen? Can I roll perception on Yigen when she says that to be like, does Yigen believe what she's saying? Or is she also like?

SPEAKER_02 1:19:40

Hmm.

SPEAKER_05 1:19:41

Yeah, if you want to roll.

SPEAKER_02 1:19:42

You know what is okay on a low-carb diet? A big helping of asparagus.

SPEAKER_00 1:19:49

Uh so this would be against two purple.

SPEAKER_03 1:19:51

Asparagus two purple?

SPEAKER_05 1:19:53

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 1:19:53

I don't know. Her saying, I know your secret earlier really pissed me off.

SPEAKER_05 1:19:58

She's a little kid teasing uh teasing her older friend.

SPEAKER_06 1:20:03

She's a Jedi. She should have more decorum. Holy crazy.

SPEAKER_05 1:20:06

Oh, so this bug's Illyria personally.

SPEAKER_01 1:20:10

Beefing with a true sense.

SPEAKER_06 1:20:12

As per usual.

SPEAKER_01 1:20:14

That's honestly fair. That honestly makes sense for her.

SPEAKER_06 1:20:17

She was beefing with this child since episode one.

SPEAKER_01 1:20:20

That's true.

SPEAKER_05 1:20:20

Yeah, child's old enough to you know what I'm not gonna finish that thought. I got four success, one advantage.

SPEAKER_00 1:20:26

Uh yeah, you can see that Yigen is like, you know, show yourselves out. Yigen seems to be on Helen's side on this.

SPEAKER_05 1:20:35

Master, I uh did not go well. Uh look, I know that when we saw each other last, we didn't exactly part on the best of terms. And I hope you know that we uh we're really hoping that you are okay, so it's great to see you here alive and well and cleared for service. But you gotta admit that it's been there's been some funny things happening. Like, don't you find it interesting that the uh the Sith Lord that took off your leg, you know what, Master Obi-Wan when he was just uh just a Padawan was able to slice him in half, no problem. Master Obi-Wan's the one who killed the template for all these clone troopers. Just happened. There's a lot of shit that's happening around Master Obi-Wan, isn't there?

SPEAKER_01 1:21:21

Obi-Wan seems like he's a little bit uh too good at what he does, am I right?

SPEAKER_05 1:21:26

I'm not saying it's just Master Obi-Wan all kinda like raise a hand to Anakin because it's like I know he's your master and everything. I'm not saying it's just him, I'm just saying like, you know, like we we believe it we all believe in the Jedi Order here, but we wanna bel like we believe it should be the best that it can be, and like that you know, maybe some suspicious stuff's happening.

SPEAKER_01 1:21:45

How how much do you trust your uh uh your master, your uh main your main uh teacher.

SPEAKER_00 1:21:55

It's nine o'clock. Do you know where your Jedi master is? And Hallan, like, he sees you asking all of these questions, and he seems really like Oh man. Offended. Oh man. Oh man.

SPEAKER_05 1:22:09

Oh man.

SPEAKER_06 1:22:10

Oh jeez. We're gonna have to kill this guy, Yigen. Oh man.

SPEAKER_00 1:22:14

No, he looks at Yigen and Yaegin presses a button, the door, you can hear like something latch in the door. And he gets on a comm, pulls out his little communicator, and he says, Commander Devis, this is General Crintu. Execute order 64.

SPEAKER_05 1:22:33

That wait, which one's that?

SPEAKER_00 1:22:35

How well do you know your contingency orders for the Galactic Republics?

SPEAKER_02 1:22:39

That's the Shadows of the Empire one on 64.

SPEAKER_00 1:22:44

Roll me a three purple uh with three purple with a black knowledge warfare, because I don't know how many of these contingency orders you would have actually read.

SPEAKER_06 1:22:53

Three success for a threat.

SPEAKER_00 1:22:55

Alright, Illyria. Uh you know, you've you've read through the contingency orders of the Galactic Republic military, there are 150 contingency orders for the Grand Army of the Republic. Order number 64 dictates that should a senator or a member of the Republic Senate be found to be a traitor or otherwise compromised, the clones are authorized to use lethal force to prevent them from uh continuing any seditious behavior. Since you guys are SBI agents, that includes you. Wait, what?

SPEAKER_05 1:23:33

Wait, did he just order all the clones to kill us? Alan! Alan!

SPEAKER_00 1:23:38

How could you do that? And Anakin says, This guy was your captain, huh? That happened because a lot of years too.

SPEAKER_06 1:23:45

Yeah, he also called the fuss fucking dropouts.

SPEAKER_01 1:23:48

I also That's not the worst thing he did. Come on. Not the worst thing he did, come on. You're still on about sets? I'm still I'm still kind of- Shut the fuck up, Chris.

SPEAKER_05 1:23:57

I'm kind of still on- I cannot b- You know, I wanted to believe that there was something going on with you, Hal, and that maybe you didn't actually believe that, that maybe you're still the Jedi master I thought you were. Fuck you! God damn. So what are we doing this or what? You gonna try to kill us two?

SPEAKER_00 1:24:11

Yeah, Helen and Yigen.

SPEAKER_01 1:24:15

No, no words, just like yeah, anyways. I wasn't gonna, but you kinda talked me into it.

SPEAKER_05 1:24:21

Oh god, my god doesn't have stun! Fuck!

SPEAKER_02 1:24:24

I don't know why I made him Italian.

SPEAKER_00 1:24:26

You you're in a small apartment standing in the kitchen. Uh, he has set down his bowl of glass noodles.

SPEAKER_02 1:24:37

Clear noodles is one step. Glass noodles is even weirder.

SPEAKER_06 1:24:40

Okay, but the bean noodles, the clear bean noodles are good. They're not like the conjac noodles. The mung bean noodles, very good.

SPEAKER_02 1:24:50

Love mung. Just a huge mmung beetle. They're in their mung. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 1:24:57

Uh, well, if he's pulled out his gun anyways. Gun. Because I'm guessing or not gun, his lightsaber, because I'm like, we're all we're in the kitchen, we're all pretty close together. Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 1:25:07

Yeah. God, I wish I had better athletics so I could throw these hot noodles in his fucking face!

SPEAKER_05 1:25:11

Well, I was thinking shoot in the bowl of noodles so it just explodes so I could try to get some distance.

SPEAKER_03 1:25:17

Yeah, bull protect your noodles.

SPEAKER_01 1:25:19

My fucking noodles. I would like to roll foresight so he doesn't kill me. Too light side.

SPEAKER_00 1:25:25

Yeah, what upgrades do you have on that? Uh control initiative. Then you can spend your points to add automatic success on your first check during the encounter.

SPEAKER_05 1:25:36

I I have a question.

SPEAKER_00 1:25:37

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 1:25:38

Because I I broke my promise to myself, and I did a mid-game level up, so I could get control destiny on the suppress power, which means I can use one destiny point to use the suppress as an out-of-turn incidental once per session. Could I do that before they act? If it's out of turn.

SPEAKER_00 1:25:56

Yeah, it's out of your turn.

SPEAKER_05 1:25:58

I Yes, okay, I'll spend a destiny point to do suppress as an out-of-turn incidental. Here's hoping I actually get an okay amount of two lightside, one dark side. Okay. I'll commit both my force die, so any rolls will have two failures minus a pip for all force rolls.

SPEAKER_00 1:26:18

So, um, believe it or not, the fastest, the highest initiative was Yigen with four success. So Yigen's gonna take the first move. Ooh. And Yigen's. It seems like Yigin can kind of sense what's happening. So you can see the bowl of noodles kind of shaking. Yigen's gonna hurl it at your head, Kala, to try and knock you off your uh your concentrated.

SPEAKER_05 1:26:39

I mean no red wanted to do that! Dang! Can't put a bowl of hot noodles on a counter and not let me be the one who shoot it! Damn it! Damn it, Yigin, why did I like you anyways?

SPEAKER_00 1:26:50

So this is gonna be a hurl power. So that's a two-purple discipline along with her force. So she got two success, one advantage, and two dark sides. So those two failures lead to one advantage and two dark sides. She's not using the dark side, she believes that she's in the right here. So she only gets it.

SPEAKER_05 1:27:10

Wouldn't it be one dark side? I mean, I guess it doesn't really matter. She didn't succeed. Because it would still be reducing her force pip, right? Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:27:16

Yeah, so it's a all told an advantage and a dark side. The bull, she tries to reach out for it, it rattles a bit, but nothing happens.

SPEAKER_05 1:27:25

Aha! Got him! That means the bull's still in play!

SPEAKER_00 1:27:29

The bull is still in play. Next highest was Anakin, so I'm gonna let him go first.

SPEAKER_05 1:27:34

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 1:27:35

And he's gonna turn around and he doesn't want to hurt this kid. So he's none of us do. Yeah, so he's just gonna try and throw her. He's just gonna kinda force push her away into a wall, try and knock her out. So he rolled four lights, three darks. He's got a lot of force. So he picks up Yigen and just kinda like throws her into an adjacent room. And he manages to like. You can hear like there's a thud as her body hits the door control panel. So she hits the control panel, goes into the room, and the door kind of closes behind her. She hit the door panel with enough energy that like it's it is kind of sparking. So she will probably have to cut through the door in order to get out.

SPEAKER_05 1:28:17

Okay, good. Yagin's out of play.

SPEAKER_00 1:28:20

What are the rest of you gonna do?

SPEAKER_05 1:28:21

I wanna shoot that bull! I wanna shoot that ball at bull and then retreat so I have as much space as possible.

SPEAKER_00 1:28:27

Alright, give me a one purple ranged heavy then.

SPEAKER_05 1:28:30

With the I'm- I'm guessing the entire apartment would be in short range, so I wouldn't really be able to like move between range bands, right?

SPEAKER_00 1:28:37

Um, yeah, the entire the entire apart- you can move like from short to engaged, but like it's a small apartment. It's about the size of it's like Django's apartment in Attack of the Clones.

SPEAKER_05 1:28:47

Uh okay. Would I need to use my maneuver to move then if I'm not actually going between range bands?

SPEAKER_00 1:28:52

Um, no, but you would need to use your maneuver to pull your weapon up.

SPEAKER_05 1:28:56

Okay. I'm gonna take two strains so I can still aim. I don't need to. I just want to shoot these noodles so they go into Hallen's face. For success to advantage.

SPEAKER_00 1:29:05

Get noodles in the eyes, bitch! Yeah, with those two advantage, you can shoot good pole of noodles and it explodes. The noodles fly into Halland's face.

SPEAKER_05 1:29:14

And then I run away! I retreat!

SPEAKER_00 1:29:18

Where? You can duck down behind the kitchen island.

SPEAKER_05 1:29:22

Yeah, I'll duck down behind the kitchen island. Should we run about this? Well. I I don't know if there's anywhere for us to run. You could leave the apartment. I guess we could leave the apartment, but like.

SPEAKER_01 1:29:32

Um, yeah, like what w uh because we're now kind of wanted by people, isn't that right?

SPEAKER_00 1:29:39

Hallan uh yeah, Hallan has ordered his clones to attack you for some reason.

SPEAKER_05 1:29:43

Which means that, like, I don't know if going back out into the city is a great idea, because like maybe if we can like incapacitate Hallen, use his computer to do the hacking that we need, and then just like bust out the window or something.

SPEAKER_01 1:30:00

Yeah. Um, we're in an apartment, right?

SPEAKER_00 1:30:03

Yeah. Um, what floor are we on? Um, it's hard to tell. Like, it's not an apartment building like you would have uh like in a city. Because Camino is basically just like a series of like domes on stilts. Domes of uh Yeah, we're on the second floor.

SPEAKER_03 1:30:23

The first floor is the ocean.

SPEAKER_00 1:30:25

Yeah, like if you you could bust out, like if you blast. Can I shoot Can I shoot the ground below him? The ground is probably stable enough that you wouldn't like blow a hole in it. Hmm, that's a shame. You do have a universal cutting tool though. You have a universal cutting tool. I might have to do it. The other way to potentially escape would be like if you if you blasted open a window, it would be like because it is a dome. It's it is constructed of a series of domes. So there is a window looking outside, and you would get like you could just slide down.

SPEAKER_02 1:30:58

Wall, floor, or window. What are we thinking?

SPEAKER_01 1:31:00

Um thinking uh a flashy way to go out would be through the door. Or no, sorry, not through the door. Through the floor. Through the floor. Not the door, not the door. We just fucking Okay, well, bye.

SPEAKER_02 1:31:18

Oh, what a clever slip with done. Okay. So cut.

SPEAKER_05 1:31:21

Can you imagine like if that was how Batman did his entrances, just like, can I come in?

SPEAKER_02 1:31:26

Knock knock. And there's a a canned studio audience.

SPEAKER_07 1:31:32

Oh stop.

SPEAKER_02 1:31:34

Oh stop. Okay. Should I start cutting a hole in the floor?

SPEAKER_00 1:31:38

Because I am the lightiest saber guy. If you're all doing this, Chris, it was your idea, so just give me a two-purple leadership. Two purple leadership? Yeah. Fuck.

SPEAKER_01 1:31:49

Okay. Uh well. I I took a Our fearless leader.

SPEAKER_07 1:31:55

I didn't show you.

SPEAKER_01 1:31:57

I took a I took a look at my leadership and I was like, oh, that's a uh to advantage. Uh Wait, wait, I can add a success. I'm I'm gonna add a success.

SPEAKER_00 1:32:07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:32:07

Because of the uh control initiative.

SPEAKER_00 1:32:09

Hell yeah. So you can uh with your you foresaw this moment, perhaps. Maybe you had a feeling this would happen, so your your hand is already on your lightsaber and you can kind of just shout to everybody, like, down. Everybody, they don't even have to roll. Everybody else can just know what you mean and carve like this big disc in the floor that you all just kind of drop down into the apartment below. Uh there is a nude Camino in who like is shocked and stares at you getting out of the shower and uh quickly wraps a towel around their pipe cleaner body.

SPEAKER_05 1:32:45

They like shriek like they're scandalized, like Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:32:48

It's a real duct tits moment.

SPEAKER_05 1:32:51

You guys wanna fucking bolt?

SPEAKER_00 1:32:53

Do this.

SPEAKER_01 1:32:54

Alright, let's let's let's get the fuck out before we die.

SPEAKER_00 1:32:57

Yeah, you can bolt out of that apartment. And as you are running, where are you running? Good question. Um We need a computer!

SPEAKER_03 1:33:06

R2, where for what's your computer?

SPEAKER_00 1:33:08

R2 uh didn't end up inside the apartment with you.

SPEAKER_05 1:33:11

What? Where the fuck has R2 been? Annika, where's your droid?

SPEAKER_00 1:33:15

Well, he's probably outside that apartment, floor up. Oh fuck, fuck.

SPEAKER_05 1:33:19

You get him to join us?

SPEAKER_02 1:33:21

He's just looking for uh loose sockets.

SPEAKER_05 1:33:24

I gotta stick my thing somewhere.

SPEAKER_00 1:33:26

Yeah, he activates his comment he says.

SPEAKER_05 1:33:34

We still gotta find a computer before we get out of here, and I don't know how many clones are gonna be coming after us. I don't really want to kill any clones either.

SPEAKER_01 1:33:40

I don't really want to kill anybody. I just want to get I just want to go home and do nothing.

SPEAKER_05 1:33:45

Chris, I swear to god, if you say that you don't want to kill anyone because you want to party, I swear to god, man, right now.

SPEAKER_01 1:33:51

No, I don't even want to party, I want to sleep for several days. We've gone through a lot of shit.

SPEAKER_05 1:33:56

Can we can we keep an eye out and see if we can spot anywhere that might be promising for R2 to do a quick hack?

SPEAKER_00 1:34:02

Uh, give me a perception. You're moving pretty quickly, so this uh gonna give you a destiny point here.

SPEAKER_05 1:34:07

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 1:34:08

Uh so we'll call this a you're running, you're just looking for a computer terminal. You're looking for a computer terminal that's gonna provide you the information that you need. So this is probably gonna be a three purple. Well, we got a destiny point in there, so we'll call it a red, two purple, and a black.

SPEAKER_05 1:34:27

I got two success. Show me a terminal!

SPEAKER_00 1:34:30

Oh my god. Oh my god. So you can find a terminal. You got just a-we found one for ya! You just found two success. So you found a terminal that is compatible with a standard Astromech unit, but you don't know what it goes to.

SPEAKER_03 1:34:48

This one goes to 11.

SPEAKER_00 1:34:50

Yeah. So no threat, no advantage. It is a bit of a mystery terminal.

SPEAKER_05 1:34:54

How far away is your droid?

SPEAKER_00 1:34:55

Well, he needs to find a turbo lift.

SPEAKER_05 1:34:57

Oh, for fuck's sakes! Ah!

SPEAKER_00 1:34:59

Well, I mean, at least there's no clones coming after us.

SPEAKER_05 1:35:02

I did you just jinx us?

SPEAKER_00 1:35:04

I'm gonna flip a destiny point. Anakin! No! So fool! So You did that on purpose. You can hear the footsteps of clones uh coming down the hall, uh, and you hear one of them say, I think they went this way.

SPEAKER_05 1:35:18

As soon as he's like, at least there aren't any clones, and then we hear that I'm just gonna give Anakin a look, just like, you got anything else you want to will into existence, my guy?

SPEAKER_01 1:35:28

Uh, big sandwich would be nice.

SPEAKER_05 1:35:30

Fuck, big sandwich would be nice, you son of a bitch!

SPEAKER_01 1:35:33

Can I roll a perception to see if a uh nice sandwich comes around?

SPEAKER_00 1:35:38

Uh yeah. Um, if you want to see if they're does anyone have the move power? If a sandwich, uh no, this came up last time, none of you have the move power. Well, Anakin does, but. Float some sandwiches over. We'll say that this is a formidable task, a five purple perception to see if you can see sandwich. A big sandwich.

SPEAKER_05 1:36:00

He's gonna be like in the mess hall surrounded by clones and you're like big sandwich.

SPEAKER_00 1:36:05

Three failures!

SPEAKER_01 1:36:07

Nope. No, you can't see a big sandwich.

unknown 1:36:09

Okay.

SPEAKER_05 1:36:10

Sorry.

SPEAKER_01 1:36:11

Sorry, this sandwich never came.

SPEAKER_05 1:36:13

Can we see anywhere to take to to to to hide from the clones until R2 gets here?

SPEAKER_00 1:36:19

Yeah, if you wanna give me a stealth. What kind of stealth? Uh that would be a stealth against probably the perception of the guys looking for you, so that would be a three purple.

SPEAKER_05 1:36:30

Three purple? Yeah. Uh one failure, one advantage. They see me, but they do not register me as a threat. Uh, success and advantage.

SPEAKER_06 1:36:39

Two success, three threat.

SPEAKER_00 1:36:41

One failure, one advantage. So, Chris and Illyria, you can uh find a supply closet to jump into to hide. Illyria, you got threat. So as you are getting into the supply closet, like there is a light in there, but as you get in, the light flickers and dims and goes out. And you feel the ground rumble around you. Kala and Starzan, you get spotted, but the clones don't have a chance to fire on you because pieces of the roof collapse on them.

SPEAKER_03 1:37:20

Hey, that's a freebie.

SPEAKER_00 1:37:23

And then a giant mechanical drill pierces the roof. Ah!

SPEAKER_02 1:37:28

It's the treader. Is that R2? Is that R2? It's not R2. That's R2. R2 found a big mechanical drill.

SPEAKER_00 1:37:36

Uh, well, the Separatists found a big mechanical drill, and they've used it to drill into the city walls, and they're and the drill opens and starts spilling out battle droids.

SPEAKER_05 1:37:49

Okay, different computer, different computer! Let's go find a different computer!

SPEAKER_00 1:37:52

Is there any computers in the supply closet that I'm in?

SPEAKER_01 1:37:56

There's a mop. That's a start. Put it on your head, they will recognize you.

SPEAKER_00 1:38:00

Is it digital? It's not a it's not a digital mop, no.

SPEAKER_02 1:38:03

Chris, dare you become the first superhero in New Jersey? Start attacking people with a mob.

SPEAKER_01 1:38:08

Do I want to become the toxic Avenger? I mean, I could be the Toxic Avenger in a different way in this campaign.

SPEAKER_02 1:38:15

Hell yeah.

SPEAKER_05 1:38:16

That would that'd be much more fitting for Almond, but uh Yeah, I mean, well, I was gonna be like, Chris may be the least toxic among us, and then it's like, no, that's probably Starzan. We all know who the most is.

SPEAKER_02 1:38:38

Well, I mean, Anakin is the most toxic in our group.

SPEAKER_01 1:38:41

That's what I mean, right now, yeah.

SPEAKER_05 1:38:42

I mean, right now. But he's not a permanent member. No. We all know who the most toxic is.

SPEAKER_06 1:38:49

It's based on the number of drugs in your system, I would say it's you.

SPEAKER_01 1:38:53

Holy shit. Holy shit. And they're the most toxic has revealed themselves. Look at the judgment on that. Holy shit. I could just smell the smuggles.

SPEAKER_05 1:39:04

You know, I could have been referring to myself with that statement, but Illyria. Just saying.

SPEAKER_01 1:39:14

Like, no, it's me. I'm the most toxic one.

SPEAKER_00 1:39:19

So they're spilling out droids out of this uh big drill. The lights are uh going out, the lights are turning red, the ones that are popping on for emergency lighting. There are alarms starting to blare as the city is breached.

SPEAKER_03 1:39:35

Can we uh run? Can we try to rendezvous with our to a different way and look for a different computer?

SPEAKER_00 1:39:40

I feel like we are in over our head. Do you want to run? That'll be a run uh probably an athletics against the ranged heavy of the blasters of the battle droids. Fuck off.

SPEAKER_05 1:39:53

Starzan's here, right? You can carry me if I fail.

SPEAKER_00 1:39:57

Call it a two red athletics. Not so bad. Uh, you have four.

SPEAKER_05 1:40:03

I'm gonna flip one to downgrade a red. One failure. Starzan! Starzan!

SPEAKER_00 1:40:09

Three success. You're really fast, Starzan.

unknown 1:40:13

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 1:40:14

So fast without some bitch sweighing you damn. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:40:17

Like the wind. Chris and Illyria, if you wanna jump out of the supply closet to help, you could, but that would reveal you. Are you screaming for help like olive oil?

SPEAKER_01 1:40:28

And help! Uh we should probably should like um can we use our current uh stealth situation to maybe what what what's being fi fired against? What's uh what's what's who's the attacker? Uh Battle droids. Battle droids? Can we sneak uh can me and Illyria sneak up behind him and like take him out? Or is there a whole lot of them?

SPEAKER_00 1:40:52

There's like about a dozen of them that got spit out of this drill. Hmm.

SPEAKER_01 1:40:59

I think we should run as well.

SPEAKER_06 1:41:01

Don't want to attack these guys?

SPEAKER_01 1:41:03

Oh, we could try. Uh I'm not a good attacker, but I could try and to attack.

SPEAKER_06 1:41:08

I mean we can try and run first.

SPEAKER_01 1:41:12

Maybe we could sneak out and uh uh find uh can I can I roll a perception to see if there's something that we can like drive out of here? Out of the supply closet?

SPEAKER_05 1:41:22

Uh there's Well no, not out of the supply closet, but like Let him cook, maybe there's like a ride-on floor waxer.

SPEAKER_01 1:41:31

Maybe there's like a uh like uh I I don't know if I like if there's any kind of like windows or any or anything. I guess supply closets are probably not. Um can we can we like cut ourselves out of the bat the back of the supply closet and see if we can like escape out that way, maybe? With our uh uh universal supply cloud.

SPEAKER_00 1:41:51

Yeah, there there probably is either uh directly above you, directly below you, and behind you. There probably are other rooms that the supply closet is on the other side of. But you'd be kind of doing it blind.

SPEAKER_05 1:42:03

Ooh, maybe you cut your way into another room and surprise a different caminoic coming out of the shower.

SPEAKER_01 1:42:08

Illyria, you said that you wanted to fight these guys, these 12 droids.

SPEAKER_06 1:42:12

Uh that's a no, so we're gonna try and go in the back.

SPEAKER_01 1:42:17

We're gonna we're gonna go out the back of this room and just see what happens here.

SPEAKER_00 1:42:21

Okay. So, uh, you can cut, slice into the back. This isn't something you have to roll for, uh, because you're not in any danger in the supply closet, but you can slice open the back wall of the supply closet and push it open once you've uh cut around all the edges. And uh the supply closet is flooded uh with red lights coming from the room on the other side. It is a big open room. You can see there are a lot of tables filled with uh noodles and plates bearing the largest sandwiches you've ever seen. Yeah. The Promised Land. And you can see off of duty clones scrambling out the door on the other side. One of them stops to grab a bite of his delicious sandwich and he locks eyes with you two.

SPEAKER_01 1:43:17

Sorry, wrong place. Uh we'll just uh uh we'll just uh go back where we came from, okay?

SPEAKER_00 1:43:24

Uh and you can see him mouthing order 64? And he reaches for the pistol that he put on the table.

SPEAKER_06 1:43:33

God, can I Oh my my ranged light is so bad. Uh I can't flight him.

SPEAKER_01 1:43:40

Uh I can I'm gonna variable holout blaster him. Okay. Uh there's no stun version of anything.

SPEAKER_00 1:43:51

No, no, this this uh weapon cannot have a stun setting. Oh, that's a shame. Alright, uh full anti. Full power? Okay, so look, you gotta make sure he goes down. Uh so this'll be a one purple. Alright. And I'll uh I'll give you a destiny point here. Let's make that a red, because you are shooting a clone trooper, one of your own boys.

SPEAKER_01 1:44:10

Maybe I could aim for a non-lethal place. I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 1:44:13

Uh give me two give me two blacks on top of that then. Two blacks? Okay. So that's a red and two blacks. Uh one red, two blacks. One second. Ooh, success and an advantage. Ooh, yeah, you can hit him non-letally. He goes down. Where do you shoot him? Like the leg, the arm? I I have a thing for taking people's legs out, so let's do that. You can blast him in the leg, he gets a nasty burn, but he falls, he can't reach the pistol that's on the table.

SPEAKER_05 1:44:37

Is that a terrible thought? Because like the clones, like what happens to clones if they are wounded to the point where they can no longer do battle? Or like do they get a retire or are they just reduced to a slurry? I think most of those are the things that are.

SPEAKER_01 1:44:48

They become bottles of glue. They become bottles of glue. Uh I I uh I go to the trooper, I take away uh I take away the gun, and I uh grab a sandwich. And uh we uh Okay, uh is he is he still like awake or is he just like uh writhing in pain? He's just writhing in pain.

SPEAKER_04 1:45:10

Um you take his sandwich out of his hand and take a big bite of it?

SPEAKER_01 1:45:16

No, I'm I wanna knock him out if I could.

SPEAKER_00 1:45:19

Yeah, you can you just pistol whip him?

SPEAKER_01 1:45:21

Yeah, just pistol whip him. Yeah, you can give him a concussion and he falls asleep. Alright, right on. Okay, so I take a s so I take a sandwich. Um we're gonna see if we could use this opportunity to get out. We've uh we've split the party, so that's fun.

SPEAKER_00 1:45:35

Um, I mean, you're not that split. There is a door leading back out into the hallway that you came from, uh, but there that's where the battle droids are on the other side.

SPEAKER_01 1:45:45

Can I roll a perception to see if there's a disguise somewhere?

SPEAKER_05 1:45:49

Ooh, like clone trooper helmet? Yeah, something.

SPEAKER_00 1:45:52

Um this is Oh god, would it fit on your head? Cad Bane can wear a clone trooper helmet. Yeah, he can.

SPEAKER_05 1:46:01

I mean, we know that Cad Bane's a hat man, though.

SPEAKER_00 1:46:04

But um no, the the mess hall probably Like you can look around. It is kind of dark in there. Um, but it looks like the clones, like, they took all their stuff with them. They wouldn't have like Well, the guy that you shot would have his armor.

SPEAKER_01 1:46:22

Yeah. Yeah, I'll take it, if it'll let me.

SPEAKER_00 1:46:25

It, yes, it it is in no position. If he it if he will let me. It is in no uh position to stop you. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 1:46:34

I'm gonna I'm gonna wear his costume and I'm uh if anything, if I can't find anything for Illyria, uh I will be taking her as a prisoner, just hopefully myself. Okay, so Oh fuck, I have to lie while I do this, so let's see how that goes.

SPEAKER_00 1:46:49

So you can uh trade outfits with this guy. You can put on his armor. If you want, you can equip uh the phase two clone trooper armor. Okay, now I have form, so um alright, let's uh let's go. So you're taking uh Illyria, quote unquote, prisoner and leaving?

SPEAKER_01 1:47:07

Um, unless we could find uh another uh costume for her, then yeah, we well we'll uh Yeah, it would have just been the guy that you shot. Or disguise. Yeah, yeah. Yeah So yeah, I'll I'll uh we'll uh here's what we'll do. We'll we'll kind of still remain as stealthful as we possibly can.

SPEAKER_06 1:47:25

Yeah, are these guys going out to fight the droids?

SPEAKER_01 1:47:27

Yeah. Okay. So yeah, let's let's uh let's go let's see if we can meet back up with our with our team here.

SPEAKER_00 1:47:35

Okay, so there is the the door that leads back out to where you were. If you open that, you can see Anakin finishing up taking out uh these droids that came out of the grill. As Kala is, I guess, just like crouching with her hands on her head. And Anakin sees you and he points his lightsaber at you, Chris, and he says, Let her go!

SPEAKER_01 1:47:58

Well no, I I I take- I take off my helmet. I'm like, no, no, it's okay, it's just me. Oh. Uh I just this was just in case I needed a disguise. It's that's all all good all good, but uh you seem to be uh in the right place at the right time.

SPEAKER_00 1:48:14

Well you're a little short, but uh I mean that fits well enough.

SPEAKER_01 1:48:18

Oh, it's very uncomfortable in my head. I feel like I'm being squashed by a vice. Let's go.

SPEAKER_00 1:48:24

So you can go, and Anakin says, Where's your muscular friend?

SPEAKER_01 1:48:29

Uh we're trying to catch up with them. I thought you were I thought you were with them, but I guess not. Can I like notice I'm alone?

SPEAKER_00 1:48:36

Yeah, you can eventually stop running, and you hear a turbo lift next to you running.

SPEAKER_05 1:48:44

Oh.

SPEAKER_00 1:48:44

This way. Yeah, someone's coming down.

SPEAKER_05 1:48:46

Oh, is that R2?

SPEAKER_00 1:48:49

It could be.

SPEAKER_05 1:48:51

He didn't even find a turbo lift.

SPEAKER_00 1:48:53

So the door opens and you see Hallan. Ah, fuck! R2 is behind him, equipped with a restraining bolt. Oh no! No! Hallan! Shoot off the restraining bolt, save the R2! And Hallan says, Starzan, I'm sorry about this, but I gave you a chance to leave peacefully. Can I bull rush him? Uh, yeah, you can try.

SPEAKER_02 1:49:17

Yeah. I got this. Oh, I'm gonna dedicate uh.

SPEAKER_00 1:49:23

Dedicate this to uh my friend, to my family. That'll probably be a brawl. That would be uh, he's got two ranks of adversary, and that will be against two reds.

SPEAKER_02 1:49:35

Okay, I'm gonna flip a destiny. Gonna add my force D.

SPEAKER_00 1:49:40

Uh, three advantage to light side. Yeah, because your unarmed attack has disorient, knock down. Each of those costs two advantage to trigger. So if you want to knock him down and disorient him, you could with four advantages. That sounds like a perfect plan. Okay, so you can bull rush him, tackle take him down. He's disoriented. He clangs his head on the metal bar on the inside of the turbolift. He's gonna get a black ball of checks. He's knocked down. And uh you hear R2 squeak something in thanks. Uh just gonna use his ability to give you a destiny point back. Hell yeah. Hold him down. Hall and is kind of like struggling against you trying to reach his lightsaber. The others, you can hear this scuffle happening down the hall.

SPEAKER_06 1:50:29

Must be the wind.

SPEAKER_01 1:50:33

Let's see if we can find a friend. Can I roll a perception to have a better He left us? That's not what I'm gonna do. Can I roll a perception or like uh You don't need a perception, you can you can just it's just a hallway. I'm just gonna investigate the sound because I'm oh I'm in a horror movie. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:50:50

You can you can hear the sound of Starzan pounding Hallen's ass uh and R2 D2 uh whistling his thanks, Anakin says, that's R2! So he's running off. That's right.

SPEAKER_01 1:51:02

Well fine uh finally, we're one step closer to uh finding the rest of us. We uh chaos is going to uh fall over this entire place. We have to get ready to go. We have to get out now. How am I doing?

SPEAKER_00 1:51:20

Where am I? You were you were crouching with your hands covering your head as Anakin was fighting all the battle droids. You're fine.

SPEAKER_05 1:51:29

Oh, I thought I failed to run away. I was worried I got taken captive or something.

SPEAKER_00 1:51:34

You think Anakin's Skywalker can't handle some battle droids, some B1 battle droids, Roger Roger Clanker motherfuckers?

SPEAKER_05 1:51:41

I'm basically used to he was with us. I just remembered Starzan running like the wind and leaving me behind.

SPEAKER_02 1:51:48

He'll just cut through them like paper.

SPEAKER_00 1:51:50

Hallan, Starzan, um, Hallan's gonna try beating you off with his mind.

SPEAKER_02 1:51:55

Oh. Hey now. I haven't tried that before.

SPEAKER_00 1:51:58

My seed, no.

SPEAKER_02 1:52:02

Shit.

SPEAKER_03 1:52:02

It's gonna be a critical leak!

SPEAKER_02 1:52:04

Oh no. It's like um Chernobyl. Chernobyl got it.

SPEAKER_00 1:52:10

He uses the hurl power on you, Starzan. So he gets two success, two advantage, a triumph, two lights, two perks. Is that gonna hurl? Uh, it means he is throwing. Advantage and triumph, so like you would let go of him. You can feel yourself slamming into the roof of the turbo lift uh for ten points of wound before you're soaked. Ooh. And because he got that triumph, you also take a critical hit as you like the light in the turbo lift goes out and you can feel shards of glass from like the bulbs digging into your back. You got 62. Oh, but I have endure. You're s you okay. So 62. Uh, let's see.

SPEAKER_02 1:52:56

When the character suffers a critical injury with a severity rating no greater than easy, the character may activate indure as a one turn out of turn, excuse me. Uh incidental, and commit force to temporarily ignore the effects of that injury.

SPEAKER_00 1:53:10

Do you have any upgrades to that or just the basic power?

SPEAKER_02 1:53:14

I do. Uh strength, uh, increase, severity is two upgrades.

SPEAKER_00 1:53:18

So you so if you have two of them, then that means I think you can uh ignore up to a level three crit? Yes. Yeah. So you can ignore your slightly dazed critical injury. So you are not disoriented until the end of the encounter. Bitch!

SPEAKER_05 1:53:34

My skull is so thick it takes more than that to daze me.

SPEAKER_00 1:53:38

It's gonna take a lot more than that to kill me! You can all see Alan uh blasting Starzan into the ceiling of this turbo lift.

SPEAKER_02 1:53:49

How far away are we from him? If he blasts me up to the ceiling, can I just fall back down on him?

SPEAKER_00 1:53:53

Oh, you wanna do uh an elbow drop?

SPEAKER_03 1:53:56

Jumping from the ropes, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:53:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:53:58

Frog splash.

SPEAKER_00 1:53:59

Uh, you you endured that uh critical injury pretty well, so give me a give me a brawl then. Okay. On the top rope. Gonna flip that D again. So that will be. He has uh he he is knocked down, he is disoriented. Uh so we'll say that's two red and a blue.

SPEAKER_02 1:54:19

Three success, one advantage, two dark side, two light side.

SPEAKER_05 1:54:22

Ooh! Gonna use those lightside, get more advantage.

SPEAKER_02 1:54:26

I can do that, yes. Oh that that's right, that gives me the four again, so I can do the uh the same combo.

SPEAKER_00 1:54:32

Yeah. Just keep him down. Yeah. So he's very uh knocked down and very disoriented.

SPEAKER_02 1:54:40

Spawn. Yeah, just hold him down with my huge frame. Put him in a headlock. Tap!

SPEAKER_00 1:54:48

Come on! You can hold him in a lock as Anakin gets the restraining bolt off of R2. Is that a is that the windpipe? Can you can you crush his windpipe? So you can't- you probably couldn't crush his windpipe. You're probably uh probably hitting him with body blows at this point. Yeah, that's fair. But Anakin's getting the restraining bolt off R2. Uh Halan, you can kinda yeah. He's not knocked out, but he is in serious pain. And uh R2 is going to work unlocking this turbo lift so you can get where you need to go.

SPEAKER_05 1:55:24

Like, if I were to use like the butt of my rifle to try to just knock Hallen out, would that be a a melee?

SPEAKER_00 1:55:30

Starzan is just kind of holding him and he seems pretty out of it. You could probably just do it unless there's a reason you want to keep him awake.

SPEAKER_05 1:55:39

Do we need to keep him awake? I don't think so. Oh yeah, I'll I'll go over and just like knock him out with the back of my rifle. Okay, you can't- I still don't want to kill Master Hall and I can't get over this mental block.

SPEAKER_00 1:55:52

Slam him in the head with the butt or rifle. I'm sure somebody with a stun setting on their blaster could also just have, you know, put him to sleep, but this is fine too. Big bruise on his head.

SPEAKER_02 1:56:02

Brute violence is much better.

SPEAKER_05 1:56:04

Yeah, let's maybe like tuck him in a closet in case any droids come by so they don't just shoot him.

SPEAKER_00 1:56:10

Well, he's always do you want to leave him in the turbo or do you want to move him? Let's move him.

SPEAKER_05 1:56:16

Do we want to tuck him somewhere safe?

SPEAKER_00 1:56:18

Because that supply closet is nearby.

SPEAKER_05 1:56:20

That supply closet is nearby.

SPEAKER_00 1:56:22

Hmm.

SPEAKER_05 1:56:22

Maybe dump him in the supply closet.

SPEAKER_00 1:56:25

Okay.

SPEAKER_05 1:56:25

Back in the closet, you go. Sure, there's a hole cut in the back that leads to the mess hall, but that maybe that just means that the clones will find him faster.

SPEAKER_00 1:56:33

Yeah. You can shove him in the supply closet, hide him behind a mop. Get in there, you. And uh once you've done that, Anakin says, Okay, I think we found it. Okay, what does it say? R2 says there's a data center a few levels down. The droids probably haven't gotten to it. I don't know if they have any reason to, but uh that's where we're going. We should be able to hack in.

SPEAKER_05 1:56:54

God damn, okay. Into the left, I guess.

SPEAKER_00 1:56:57

Yeah. Into the lift, travel down to the Kamanoan data center. And the lift door opens once you get there, and you can see Kaminoan computers chugging away silently in the darkness, a few panels of infrared ultraviolet light. Softly glowing, and you can just make out in the darkness as you step out the silhouette of Yigen standing waiting for you, blocking you from the computers. Yeah, again. Master Hallen said that he gave you a chance to turn around and go politely, and I'm gonna give you the same chance.

SPEAKER_01 1:57:36

I feel like Elyria, I feel like if anybody's going to deal with it, it would probably be should be Illyria. I feel as though that does uh circle. I feel like that would be a full circle moment.

SPEAKER_05 1:57:47

Would you want Elyria to kill this kid? I would think.

SPEAKER_06 1:57:53

When your master was fucking insane.

SPEAKER_05 1:57:56

Are you are you telling us you really don't have any of your own questions about this Yigen? You're a young curious person.

SPEAKER_00 1:58:02

Alan told me.

SPEAKER_05 1:58:03

Yeah, Alan told us all a lot of stuff, didn't he?

SPEAKER_01 1:58:06

Yeah, Yigen, listen look. You you know uh you know us. You know uh you know what we are uh what we what we represent. Yigen has betray has betrayed you and has betrayed all uh betrayed all of us. I know it's that it's hard to believe, but you have to do that.

SPEAKER_00 1:58:24

He didn't, he found out the truth. But what this was all for.

SPEAKER_01 1:58:28

He's playing you, he's been playing you since uh since day one. He's wanted nothing uh he's wanted nothing but the downfall of the Jedi.

SPEAKER_00 1:58:37

No, not with what he found. He's been here long enough. He did some digging and he found out why this army exists at all.

SPEAKER_05 1:58:44

Well that's all we wanna know, Yaigen, but just that's what we're trying to find out too. Cause it is weird, isn't it?

SPEAKER_00 1:58:50

No, it makes perfect sense.

SPEAKER_05 1:58:52

Does it? Can you elaborate?

SPEAKER_00 1:58:54

Not if you want to leave her alive.

SPEAKER_01 1:58:56

Yaigen, I uh So if you l if we agree to dies, then will you elaborate?

SPEAKER_00 1:59:04

She turns on her lightsaber and gets into the most basic of Shicho Form 1 beginner stances.

SPEAKER_05 1:59:10

Yaigen.

SPEAKER_00 1:59:12

Don't make me destroy you.

SPEAKER_05 1:59:14

I'm not gonna say the same thing, Yaigen. I feel like we're all pretty committed to not destroying you. And I feel like you probably know that too.

SPEAKER_02 1:59:22

I don't know who this kid is.

SPEAKER_05 1:59:23

Anakin, shut the fuck up for once in your fucking life, huh?

SPEAKER_02 1:59:26

Killing kids is his specialty.

SPEAKER_05 1:59:28

Look, Yaigen, you know that, you know, Master Helen. You were there, you were there when we uh he was ready to kill a whole bunch of people. And you trusted us then, like maybe you can trust us right now and let us know what he found out.

SPEAKER_00 1:59:41

Give me a coercion.

SPEAKER_05 1:59:42

Okay. I got three will. I got three green.

SPEAKER_00 1:59:46

You can flip some destiny if you want. Yeah, this'll be a two red and a purple coercion.

SPEAKER_05 1:59:53

Two red and a purple. Uh, what do we have for destiny? You got four. I'll flip one to get a yellow. Why not? Maybe I'll get a triumph. Two failure. Come on, yeah, again.

SPEAKER_00 2:00:08

She's not buying it.

SPEAKER_05 2:00:09

Uh Illyria, you got that weird unsettlement presence. Come on, like you're good with coercing people if you just put your mind to it, right? Uh Yeah!

SPEAKER_01 2:00:21

Holy shit, what was that?

SPEAKER_06 2:00:26

Oh yeah, I do have four green.

SPEAKER_01 2:00:29

Yeah, you got goodwill.

SPEAKER_06 2:00:30

I'll just I'll stare her down.

SPEAKER_00 2:00:33

Give me a give me a coercion then. It'll be uh two red and a purple. You have three destiny points.

SPEAKER_06 2:00:40

I'll downgrade one of hers. One success to advantage. Okay.

SPEAKER_05 2:00:45

Your weird unsettling presence! This is what we've been telling ya!

SPEAKER_00 2:00:49

You can just kind of step forward towards her. It's dark in there, you're all silhouetted, just your red pupelous eyes glowing. And she turns off her lightsaber and she says, Well, I guess Hallan just told me what he found. He didn't show me himself, but you're gonna maybe you can take a look, and then we'll see who's right.

SPEAKER_05 2:01:09

Yeah, and like, you know, if if Hallan was right, then we'll we'll go and eat crow all day long, you know?

SPEAKER_01 2:01:14

What's a crow? We're we're we're not going to uh turn ourselves in, though. That's not something that we do.

SPEAKER_05 2:01:21

You know, a space crow.

SPEAKER_01 2:01:22

You know, space crow.

SPEAKER_05 2:01:24

Yeah, crow crow pee robot. A psychroom gym.

SPEAKER_06 2:01:29

Damn, they call me the can opener.

SPEAKER_00 2:01:32

So R2 rolls forward, starts hacking in, and Anakin kind of stands there impatiently, till R2 beeps and shows you what he's found. So you can kind of see everything that's related to the origin of the clones. You can see there's information regarding like their development, and you can see that everything seems to have been funneled through a Jedi by the name of Cyphodius.

SPEAKER_01 2:02:05

That sounds familiar.

SPEAKER_00 2:02:06

Uh Cyphodius, uh, according to the records, uh, came to Camino about 10 years before the war. And he says that he uh came as a representative of the Jedi Council to commission an army because he had foreseen great danger for the Republic. And it seems like he came here with the records are a little vague, but uh it seems that at least the initial funding was drawn from accounts linked to the nobility of the planet Sereno.

SPEAKER_03 2:02:43

Oh that's where Dooku's from!

SPEAKER_00 2:02:47

So yeah, so Cyphodias and Dooku were working together on this, it seems. And as you're scrolling through the information, Yigen says, that there, that's what he told me. And you can see that there's information that Cypho Deus specifically instructed the Kaminoans to put in a sort of technobiological inhibitor chip into the brains of the clone soldiers that would allow them to f like unquestioningly follow specific contingency orders that in the reports to the Kaminoans, apparently Cypho Deus was very insistent about these inhibitor chips allowing the Jedi to take direct control of the clones for their own safety.

SPEAKER_05 2:03:40

Like for the clones' own safety or for the Jedi's.

SPEAKER_00 2:03:42

For the Jedi's safety.

SPEAKER_05 2:03:44

Oh, that doesn't sound good.

SPEAKER_00 2:03:46

That feels weird. You guys were, you know, you're Jedi adjacent. Um you would have been around when Cypho Deus was on the Jedi Council. You know that he was a he died, you know, not long into this project, but all of the evidence is pointing to Palpatine's suspicions being correct. That the Jedi Council used Cyphodius and Dooku to create this army, let it cook for 10 years while Dooku went off to stoke the separatist movement, and then Obi-Wan just happened to show up one day. And there's a fail-safe brain chip in the clones that makes them follow these weird contingency orders. Uh, Illyra, you know, you've read these contingency orders. You know Order 64 is to use lethal force against the Senate if they've been compromised. You know that Order 65 is to use lethal force against the Chancellor at the behest of the Jedi. And there is one that looking at it now kind of just seems like they put it in there as like, oh no, we're covering all the bases. There is one Order 66 that uh it'll make the clones turn against the Jedi.

SPEAKER_01 2:05:01

But we won't have to worry about the case. Since it was put at the end.

SPEAKER_00 2:05:05

It does kind of seem like they just put it in there, like, oh, we should have one for us just so it looks okay.

SPEAKER_05 2:05:11

I thought I thought there were like 150 orders.

SPEAKER_00 2:05:14

There are, but those are like the three that are actionable, like in a suspicious way.

SPEAKER_05 2:05:19

I see.

SPEAKER_00 2:05:20

Because there's other ones where it's like, uh, order number four, if something happens to the chancellor, then uh the vice-chancellor takes over. Uh order number 37, capture of a single wanted individual through the mass arrest and threatened execution of a civilian population, that's allowed. Um, you know, just normal, normal things that they came up with all these contingency orders during the development of this army that was ordered by the Jedi for some reason.

SPEAKER_05 2:05:48

So so Yargin, I gotta ask you, when you're saying that's the thing that Hallen pointed out to you, how are you interpreting that?

SPEAKER_00 2:05:54

Well, that's what Hallen told me. He made the protection of the clones and this information as top priority. He knew that they were pure untainted beings who would be the weapon that the Jedi would use to eradicate darkness from the galaxy.

SPEAKER_05 2:06:13

So when you're looking at this and you say at the CNR, this seems like the Jedi are being granted a massive amount of just unilateral military power that they can't get in the world.

SPEAKER_00 2:06:24

There's not enough of us to protect the entire galaxy. Uh these clones or are you looking for more? They they can't become Jedi. They can't become dark Jedi, they can't fall to the dark side. They're the perfect weapon for us to use to make sure that the galaxy stays balanced and clean.

SPEAKER_05 2:06:43

Yeah, again, the living beings. I know that the military hasn't been treating them as such, but the living people.

SPEAKER_00 2:06:49

Yes.

SPEAKER_05 2:06:50

And you're talking about them as weapons? Tools to be used by the other.

SPEAKER_00 2:06:53

But are they really living people if they can't use the force? Excuse me? Look, all living things can touch the force, but out of the millions of clones that have been created, none of them have that ability. So when one of them has that ability, then they are worth saving. Yeah, and when a horse talks, you'll be able to marry it, but I don't think it's gonna happen.

SPEAKER_01 2:07:14

Oh no.

SPEAKER_00 2:07:16

Wait, okay, yeah, again, I this sounds this feels like a dog whistle. She does have kind of horse girl vibes. Maybe that's something she's been wanting.

SPEAKER_05 2:07:26

Maybe one day. No, that's ridiculous. I mean, maybe if one talked, but no. Yeah, again, uh, sweetheart, baby girl. Um, so let me let me understand what you just implied to us. Are you saying that you don't think that people are actually people unless they can manipulate the force?

SPEAKER_00 2:07:48

Well, unless they can interact with it in some way. Like, every species has the potential to become a Jedi, except clones.

SPEAKER_01 2:07:56

Uh yeah, I know that still feels like a dog whistle.

SPEAKER_05 2:07:59

I oh god, honey, you're so young. You're so young. Like, you I I I I just I I just didn't think that Master Eugenics up there was gonna be filling your head with that sort of nonsense.

SPEAKER_01 2:08:11

What are you, an American apparel lad?

SPEAKER_00 2:08:14

Uh Well, why do you want the galaxy to fall to darkness?

SPEAKER_05 2:08:18

I don't want the galaxy to fall into darkness.

SPEAKER_01 2:08:21

I don't know if you know what light is.

SPEAKER_05 2:08:23

Like, Yaegan, I don't think that you should have ever been a military per person in the first place. You are a kid. And respectfully.

SPEAKER_00 2:08:31

I'm a commander in the Grand Army of the Republic, and I outrank you, dropouts.

SPEAKER_01 2:08:37

She said to this woman.

SPEAKER_05 2:08:39

You are a 14-year-old girl. You are a 14-year-old girl. I I just stunner. I can't! My gun doesn't do stun.

SPEAKER_06 2:08:48

Mine does.

SPEAKER_05 2:08:49

Alright, blast her. Give me the blast her in the back.

SPEAKER_00 2:08:53

Yeah, she's talking.

SPEAKER_06 2:08:54

To advantage.

SPEAKER_00 2:08:56

She somersalts out of the way, but You really fucked that up. But as she's somersaulting out of the way, like she's dodging you. She's dodging you. But then Anakin just reaches with his mechanical hand and grabs her by the scruff of the neck. And he says, Where do you think you're going, kid? I'm a general in the Grand Army of the Republic, and I outrank you.

SPEAKER_05 2:09:20

Hell yeah, Anakin tell her!

SPEAKER_00 2:09:22

And I think it's nap time. And he takes it. Oh, thank God.

SPEAKER_05 2:09:34

Thank God.

SPEAKER_00 2:09:35

Alright. Let's get the fuck out of here. Yeah, let's get that data and. R2, can you verify this? Is this true?

SPEAKER_05 2:09:41

Brock?

SPEAKER_00 2:09:42

And R2 runs his little calculations, and it seems like it's all legitimate. And Anakin says, huh.

SPEAKER_05 2:09:47

Anakin, this would be a real bad time for this uh for you to be uh sharing that you also believe in this eugenics coded shit.

SPEAKER_00 2:09:53

No, I just mean that Obi-Wan didn't tell me anything about the Cypho Deus character.

SPEAKER_05 2:09:57

Sounds like a lot of people haven't been telling a lot of people about a lot of things, huh?

SPEAKER_00 2:10:02

Sounds like I've been kept out of the loop about more than one thing.

SPEAKER_05 2:10:06

Yeah. Also, can you believe fucking Ya again? We were there when she became a D word.

SPEAKER_01 2:10:17

Everybody, everybody, we are going to chill out. We are going to relax, and we're gonna go to our ship and we're going to have a nice rest. We're gonna be like Fonzie. What's Fonsey like?

SPEAKER_05 2:10:27

Fonzy is on drugs, yeah, I agree.

SPEAKER_02 2:10:31

Well be like Fonzie.

SPEAKER_05 2:10:33

On drugs, yeah. I don't know. Like, I don't know, Anakin. I don't know who the fuck is knowing anything anymore. Cause like this is cause you're like, you're like, you and Obi-Wan, you like it all like hold up my fingers together. You like that, right?

SPEAKER_00 2:10:53

Well, I thought we were.

SPEAKER_02 2:10:54

But I guess uh They used to be dark and buddies. The power of two.

SPEAKER_05 2:11:00

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_02 2:11:02

Master and apprentice.

SPEAKER_05 2:11:03

Oh, who's the master? Who's the apprentice?

SPEAKER_00 2:11:06

You know, it would make a lot of sense though. Cause you know what way? Well, you know, Palpatine's been telling me that for all I've done for the Republic and for the Jedi, that I should probably already be a master, that they should put me on the council, but if they're keeping me locked behind these doors, they're keeping me out so that I don't learn about this, but the truth about what's happened, then that would make sense.

SPEAKER_05 2:11:26

So you're not a master.

SPEAKER_00 2:11:27

Well, I'm a Jedi knight, you can call me master. I like it. That's cool. I thought he was a master. We need to get this information back to the Chancellor. It's important that he finds us out.

SPEAKER_05 2:11:40

Yeah, let's get let's get the information back to the Chancellor, and I can't I'm very upset about Helen and Yigen, you know. I really wanted to believe that they were still okay. I didn't want to think that uh that's the sort of person Yigen would have grown up to be. It's only been two years.

SPEAKER_00 2:11:56

They double damage. Well you never know who's lying to you.

SPEAKER_05 2:11:59

Yep. You never know who's gonna betray you. He's gonna call you dropout again.

SPEAKER_01 2:12:05

Sometimes you've got to know when to hold them and will know when to hold them.

SPEAKER_05 2:12:09

You know we weren't dropout, Zanakin, you know that, right? We didn't drop out.

SPEAKER_00 2:12:13

I know. You're a service core, which means you know that's probably why Palpatine trusted you, because there's no way you would have been in on it. And then this whole thing started before Master Quagon ever even found me.

SPEAKER_05 2:12:25

See, what happened with like all when we were all still kids? Yeah. Yeah. They can all be in on it. Fuck.

SPEAKER_00 2:12:32

Well, I'm glad Palpatine trusts you.

SPEAKER_01 2:12:34

You know what? Palpatine doesn't seem like such a bad guy. We said he was a bad guy.

SPEAKER_05 2:12:40

Well, you know, like in a colloquial way. Like, ah yeah, he has not such a bad guy. Yeah, no, no, no.

SPEAKER_01 2:12:48

To lead me to believe that he was a bad guy. Other than he's a politician. You know what to be You know about politicians.

SPEAKER_05 2:12:57

Hey, you know what, Anakin, I'm glad that we gotta do this mission together, because like I didn't really know that much about you, and it's like, yeah, you're pretty alright, huh? And he gave that piece of armor to our friend Jed.

SPEAKER_00 2:13:07

Can you believe us saying that about the clones, my You know, I've got a friend, uh Rex, who I bet your Jed would really get along with.

SPEAKER_05 2:13:14

Man, I bet he would. I bet he would.

SPEAKER_00 2:13:17

But yeah, we should probably get back to the ship before anything has to do with the fucking planet. And then your comm star ring. Uh-uh. An alarm. The kind of alarm you get when your car blows up because its shields were down.

SPEAKER_01 2:13:30

Oh no! No!

SPEAKER_05 2:13:34

So, uh Oh no! That was our nice ship! That was the questing quail! Why was the questing quail? Why couldn't this have been the time that we had the piece of shit? No, our quail! What do we do?

SPEAKER_00 2:13:51

Well, I think we need to find a new ship.

SPEAKER_05 2:13:53

Yeah! Yeah, let's go find a new ship. Where's the fucking docks?

SPEAKER_00 2:13:56

So, uh, if you want to find a new vessel to take off with, uh, you're gonna have to run. There is, as you take the turbo lift up, the battle is ongoing. The hallways are filled with smoke, they're still dark, you can hear the distant sounds of blaster fire. So give me a perception or maybe a stealth, depending on how you wanna do this. If you want to remain undetected or if you want to find a uh a route through.

SPEAKER_01 2:14:25

Gonna remain undetected. I mean, if we we have a choice, I'm gonna remain undetected.

SPEAKER_05 2:14:30

Yeah, I'll try I'll try perception because my perception's pretty good. Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 2:14:34

Um, stealth? Uh better at like um Perception. One yellow dice better than perception.

SPEAKER_00 2:14:44

So this will probably be against the perception of any uh droids. They don't have to uh see in the dark. So that'll be against a two purple stealth. Or perception, whichever way you want to go.

SPEAKER_05 2:14:58

Um be two purple either way.

SPEAKER_00 2:15:00

You'll add a black for the darkness if you're perceiving. You'll add a blue for the darkness if you're well, no, because the battle droids don't see. So you would add a black either way, I think. So that'll be two purple and a black. Uh I'll give you a destiny pointed out as well. Let's call it a red, purple, and a black.

SPEAKER_05 2:15:15

I can remove black from my perception. Ha ha. One failure, two advantage. Ha ha.

SPEAKER_01 2:15:22

One threat. I got two success, one advantage, four stealth.

SPEAKER_06 2:15:26

One failure, one advantage to stealth.

SPEAKER_00 2:15:29

Okay. So Chris and Illyria sneaking as Kala and Starzan are trying to look for a vessel. So what are you looking for?

SPEAKER_05 2:15:43

Just something that looks spaceworthy and big enough for all of us, honestly. I feel like the uh the standards are on the ground, but you just need to get off this planet.

SPEAKER_00 2:15:53

Chris is the only one who actually succeeded. Got two success. And an advantage. So you can sneak around. The rest of you. Some of you got advantage, some of you didn't. Starzan, you're kinda lagging behind a little bit. The only ship that you know for sure where it is, is the big drill that crashed into the roof.

SPEAKER_05 2:16:13

Wait, can we fly that?

SPEAKER_00 2:16:15

It is a spaceship. It's a trident class assault ship.

SPEAKER_05 2:16:18

Oh my god. That sounds kinda sick as fuck.

SPEAKER_01 2:16:21

Let's do uh can we be a kamikaze ship, except uh not be blowing up uh every time and just drill through ships from here on out? That would be rad. I mean, I don't know if you would have that kind of accuracy. Let's let's take the ship and let's get out of here.

SPEAKER_00 2:16:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 2:16:39

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 2:16:39

So you can return from from where you came. The battle droids there are dead. It is unguarded. So the trick would be getting it up and running. So who wants to try and fly this thing? Ooh, me! Alright, give me a piloting planetary.

SPEAKER_05 2:16:56

Ooh, no, wait! That's not my good one.

SPEAKER_00 2:17:00

I can fly.

SPEAKER_05 2:17:01

Well no, I sell four agility, so it's like I saw four green to planetary. I don't know what your agility is. I don't think it's as good.

SPEAKER_01 2:17:08

It's four, it's four as well.

SPEAKER_05 2:17:10

Uh well, I need you all to go on the comms. You're a communications major. That's fair.

SPEAKER_00 2:17:15

Potopee for planetary. So, uh, this thing, as you climb up into it, uh, there are four crew seats. There is uh a small cargo hold with a an empty rack that can hold 12 battle droids. So it is slightly cramped. Uh a little fewer seats than you uh probably need. But uh the controls, as you get onto this thing, you can see kind of all of the readouts and the panels giving you an idea of what this thing looks like. All you saw was a drill slamming through the ceiling and opening up and spitting out these droids. So as you climb in, you're getting your first sense of what this thing actually looks like. The cockpit, the control center, is kind of like a cone-shaped, and there is a window looking out the front, and you can see that the the cockpit window is above the ceiling, so you're looking out into the rain of Camino, you're seeing the battle that is going on, and you can kind of look out this bubble cockpit and see perched, mounted on the walls of the city, are four giant mechanical tentacles that is keeping this thing. And on the readouts, you can see that you are essentially in a giant squid.

SPEAKER_05 2:18:36

Ooh! I love that.

SPEAKER_00 2:18:39

So, the first thing you need to do is to pull yourself out. How's your pullout game? So, this is gonna be trying to get the tentacles to pull out. So, that is gonna be a two purple, but you've never dealt with this thing before. Two purple and a black piloting planetary. Got this. Two purple and a black? Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 2:19:00

Yes. What's your seed count after a pullout?

SPEAKER_05 2:19:03

Now no time to find out. Two success, one threat. I may be spilling some seeds.

SPEAKER_00 2:19:11

Yeah, you can pull this thing out. It is violently wrenching the drill out. Everybody's kind of shaking around. And this movement, you're the only one of these trident ships that is actually moving. Which means that as you direct the tentacle legs to push off of the roof and launch you to jump into the air and activate the thrusters. Well, all the clones see is a separatist ship trying to run away, and we can't have that, can we?

SPEAKER_05 2:19:38

Oh no!

SPEAKER_00 2:19:40

So you're gonna have to do some fancy flying uh to evade these clone pilots that are shooting at you.

SPEAKER_05 2:19:46

Oh heck.

SPEAKER_00 2:19:47

Yeah. It's gonna be a give you a destiny point. Red, purple, and black piloting.

SPEAKER_05 2:19:53

A red, a purple, and a black?

SPEAKER_00 2:19:55

Yeah. And Illyria, do you wanna plot a course out of here so you can jump as soon as you're ready?

SPEAKER_05 2:20:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 2:20:00

So you're going to course and that's a two-purple. But we can throw a black onto that because you are getting shot at. God, and that's still piloting planetary? Piloting space now.

SPEAKER_05 2:20:09

Oh, thank goodness. Okay.

SPEAKER_06 2:20:12

Three advantage. Hmm.

SPEAKER_05 2:20:15

Two failures, four advantage.

SPEAKER_00 2:20:17

Yeah, you are getting the shit blasted out of you. One of the tentacles is uh getting sheared off. You're gonna have trouble landing this thing. Illyria can't concentrate as she is trying to plug in a course.

SPEAKER_01 2:20:30

Can I uh is there like any kind of gunnery or there are some guns matched to the outside of the hull. Let's uh I'm gonna I'm gonna uh do it. I'm gonna go on the gun and see if I can shoot some guys down.

SPEAKER_00 2:20:42

Okay, give me uh two purple gunnery. Uh two purple gunnery. Motherfucker, one advantage. Okay, so you can blast, you don't hit any of the clones in the ships that are tailing you. Maybe that's on purpose. Maybe you don't want to kill any of these guys. Uh, but you can create enough covering fire that with that one advantage, if uh Illyria and Kala want to roll, we'll get Kala to roll first. She can add a blue. Reroll.

SPEAKER_05 2:21:13

Okay, so that was red, purple, black, and a blue. Okay, let's try this again. What do we have for Destiny?

SPEAKER_00 2:21:20

Uh, you have four.

SPEAKER_05 2:21:22

I'm gonna flip one and get another yellow.

unknown 2:21:25

Okay.

SPEAKER_05 2:21:25

Because we're getting to the end. Two advantage, one triumph, no success.

SPEAKER_00 2:21:32

Okay, so you can keep yourselves, it's not a great course, but you can keep yourselves moving steadily enough that Illyria on her astrogation roll can upgrade and add a blue. So there's that? Yeah, your ship is getting shot to shit though. Like, uh, this is not a vessel you'll be able to keep using.

SPEAKER_05 2:21:54

Uh, you know what? I don't know if I want to keep- I don't know if I wanna use the squid anyways.

SPEAKER_02 2:21:59

Squid's a little heat, I mean, blown up our spot.

SPEAKER_05 2:22:02

No, the squid's a l- it's a little on the nose.

SPEAKER_00 2:22:04

Yeah, people be like. Can't really keep a low profile in giant squid.

SPEAKER_06 2:22:10

Yeah, exactly. Uh, two success to advantage.

SPEAKER_00 2:22:14

So with Kala keeping the ship steady, you're not jostled around, you can concentrate, plot a course back to course and jump into hyperspace with R2D2 carrying the secret knowledge that quote unquote proves that the Jedi were behind the entire war and the creation of the armies fighting it.

SPEAKER_01 2:22:35

If we land this ship in New York, uh, will it save the world but kill millions of people?

SPEAKER_00 2:22:41

I mean, you might do that anyway. Uh oh boy. Who knows what you'll be saving, though, because once you return to Coruscant, surely this information will be delivered to the Chancellor, and surely the correct legal action will be taken next time on Star Wars Empire Wreckers! This episode of Empire Wreckers is brought to you by our top patrons, Alphabros 522, David B. Eric Charles Perazzo, Jeffrey Zamuto, Joshua Winter, Laser, LKB, Suki Nintendo, Thomas Davidson, and Vaginator.